


Your Journey Left Marks

by imaginethat57



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Anti-Hook, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-13 10:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7973413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginethat57/pseuds/imaginethat57
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has returned from the Underworld in one piece, more or less, and Storybrooke is attempting to settle into a new normal. But for Emma Swan nothing feels normal anymore. Maybe a getaway with her family is just what she needs. Swan Mills Family fun, slow burn Swan Queen, and some angst for good measure. *This story starts out with Emma/Hook, but this is NOT a CaptainSwan story. It is definitely anti-hook, and it heavily implies that Hook is abusive to Emma.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to combine my Swan Queen Week stories into one cohesive story instead of a series of one shots. I've added to the beginning of the story, new material that wasn't published before. There may be minor changes to the parts of the story I've already published, and I'm going to extend the end of this story past the Swan Queen Week prompts. I will attempt to update as often as I can. I hope you enjoy!

The heat was sinking into the little coastal town in Maine, a sleepy community hidden to this world, and only known by another one. Summer was approaching Storybrooke yet again, and with the new rays of sunshine, the longer days, and the smell of the ocean and the salt on the warm breeze, it seemed to breathe life back into the residents. Everyone was attempting to soak up as much sun as possible while it lasted. Everyone except two, it seemed.

Emma Swan had been trudging through day by day for a long time, for so long she couldn’t remember when it started. She was painfully aware of it, but she had no solutions, no explanations, nothing to say about it. She just couldn’t come up with a reason _why_ her life in Storybrooke had become so dulled and miserable.

She had her son. A relationship that had been put through many hurdles. Some built by Emma in her own doing, out of fear and deep set insecurities. But they were together, and their relationship was strong, even having survived Emma’s brief stint as the master of all dark magic.

She finally had parents, a family like she’d wanted all her life. And they did their best to love her and support her. Sometimes they would go about it in all the wrong ways. And, yes, it stung when her brother was born, feeling once again the girl replaced. But her parents had taken every measure to assure Emma she was their baby too, that they loved her first and always will. She was even starting to come around to the idea of believing them.

She had a boyfriend who loved her. _He loves me, right? He says he does, so he must. That’s what love is, right?_ What she couldn’t figure out was why that love sometimes felt more like the thorn than the rose. _He was just passionate, so passionate it could hurt, but that’s how you know the love is true, right?_ That the even though the person you’re with, he messes up, maybe a lot, maybe in ways that really aren’t okay, he always comes back. _That’s how love is supposed to feel, right?_

She had a man who loved her. _No one could love you, Swan._ She had a family. _No one wants to keep you, girl._ And she had her son. _I can’t be a mother._ So why was she unhappy?

* * *

 

Regina watched the children playing in the fresh green grass. She passed this park every day on her way to work. And every day it filled her with resentment. People laughing, talking, enjoying the blue skies, hugging, watching their children. It made her head ache. Regina Mills knew exactly why she was unhappy.

Robin. Her soulmate, or so she had thought. He was another she had lost. The day he was buried, she had closed her eyes and refused to watch the dirt pile on his coffin as the ground swallowed him up. He was gone, gave his life for hers, and now she didn’t know how to live it. Except that she did, and the guilt of that ate her alive.

She had grieved Robin heavily at first, convinced she’d never be given a third chance at love. And it took her a long time and many sessions with Archie to realize why that one word made a difference. Because that’s what Robin was after all, a chance at love. A chance. But if she was brutally honest with herself, it was never more than that. She had never loved him the way she loved Daniel. She had never loved him the way she wished she could, not when her heart had belonged to another. Another that she could never have predicted falling for, one she didn’t even know she loved until after Robin’s death when she didn’t feel the mourning of great romance gone. After all, he never tore her attention away from the one she currently loved. Not while he was alive, and now that he was gone, only in the shame over loving another did he restrain her.

But still she mourned him. She cared for him, and she cared even more about his children now left fatherless. But he was a man who tried his best, and tried to be the best version of himself. _Except when he was with you, Regina. You were his wrong choice, his bad choice, the choice to become a dishonorable man._

Robin was dead, two children were without a father, one of them being her niece, and Regina was swimming in guilt. And though they had returned from the Underworld with their mission to save Hook accomplished in the end, it tasted sour to Regina. All of this was reason enough to be devastated, and what Regina didn’t understand was why she wasn’t unhappy about all of that, at least not entirely because of it.

Instead it stemmed from the love that her heart was searing into her ribcage with every beat. One she was sure she wouldn’t deserve in ten lifetimes, not after everything she’d done, now including being so ready to move on from her deceased boyfriend so soon after his death. And that was when her guilt started a whole new cycle. Now she would drag through her days, heart heavy, certain she would never receive love in return from the one who she had fallen for, even if she did deserve it.

The sky was clear and the sun was strong, verdant growth had overtaken the town, and everyone was enjoying it. Except for two.


	2. Chapter One

The clock ticked over slowly as the end of the day neared. Emma watched it like she had all day, ready for her shift to be over. She balled up another piece of scrap paper and tossed it across the room toward the trash can. It soared through the air with a perfect arc and she watched in anticipation of it making its descent into the garbage bin; it would be the first shot she’d made all day. It would also be the first satisfaction she felt all day.

At the last moment, however, the metal fan that had been swiveling to distribute cool air between her and David’s desk turned into the precise position to blow the paper ball off its course to land anticlimactically on the floor. Emma deflated a little bit and decided the hell with it, she was going to leave early today. There hadn’t been one call to the station since 10:30 that morning, and she’d been so bored she’d even finished her paperwork.

So she stood, grabbed her water bottle, and announced to David that she was taking her leave. He had looked up to her, confused at first, but his expression morphed into a smile that told Emma he knew way too much about the slump she was going through. She winked at him, desperate to keep up an image of nonchalance and casual cheer.

A burden was already lifting off her shoulders as she walked down the main street of town towards the market. This was the one night of the week she looked forward to more than any other. Friday night family dinner with Regina and Henry.

She was on her way to get a bottle of wine to bring to Regina’s, and soon she’d be contently ensconced in the woman’s home. She would play games with her son, offer to help Regina, and then promptly be kicked out of the kitchen for snacking on the ingredients instead of cooking with them. But Emma made sure to help later with the clean up, washing all the dishes.

Regina’s food was always delicious, and Emma would always go back for seconds. Sometimes thirds. Henry would still always manage to outdo her though, ever the growing boy. Regina would bemoan that the two of them were going to eat her out of house and home, but the wide smile on her face failed to convey any trace of sincere complaint. In fact, Emma could tell just how delighted Regina was to see her son with a healthy appetite. And of course Regina wouldn’t deny how much she enjoyed her family’s enthusiastic response to her cooking.

After their son went to bed, Emma and Regina would sit on the couch drinking wine, or cider, or whiskey, whatever mood they were in that night. Some nights they talked for hours. Some nights they barely said anything. Whatever kind of night it was, it made Emma feel something she couldn’t quite put a name on, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. And the only way she could think to describe it was that it just felt _right._

A light breeze tossed Emma’s blonde tresses as she made her way to the store, cutting a little through the heat of the day. Just thinking about her evening was putting her in a better mood, a cautious smile growing on her face. But it didn’t last long.

As she turned the corner, she walked into the line of sight of Hook. A pit started to form in her stomach. It was the same pit that always formed when she saw her boyfriend, and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why it was always there. Maybe deep down she knew, but she just wasn’t ready to go there.

“Ah, Swan!” He called out, a leer forming on his face, “just the one I was looking for.”

He strode towards her, and Emma resigned herself to the encounter. She plastered on her best smile, but it felt hollow and heavy with the strain of pretending. He leaned forward to place a sloppy, scratchy, rum scented kiss to her lips. As much as Emma’s instincts told her to duck, she closed her eyes and allowed the contact. Shifting awkwardly in her stance and ready to be moving on to the liquor store and then Regina’s, Emma spoke out in a strained voice.

“Hook, ah, what’s up?”

He raised his eyebrows and winked at her with what Emma figured was supposed to be devilish charm. It felt more like cold soup in her veins.

“Well, love, I know something that’s always up while you’re around.” His grin grew lecherous and Emma could tell he was quite proud of himself for the quip. It just made Emma’s stomach turn.

She rubbed the back of her neck and squirmed with rising discomfort. “Right. Well, I actually kind of have to get going, so unless there’s something?”

Hook’s expression grew bemused and wounded, with a flicker of anger flashing through his eyes. He regarded her up and down, and with a frown asked, “Where are you going? I just found you, we were going to spend some time together.”

Emma’s brow furrowed in frustrated confusion, and she began to wonder if she had somehow agreed to plans with the pirate the same day as family night. But she discarded the idea, knowing she wouldn’t likely. Which meant that Hook had unanimously decided they were going to spend the evening together, without consulting Emma at all. Beginning to lose her patience, Emma shoved her fists into her pockets and fought the sigh of exasperation forming in her chest.

“No we weren’t, you know I’m busy on Friday nights.” Emma felt a spark kick into life in her gut. It was so weak she barely recognized it. It hadn’t burned in her in a long time, and lately when it did, it only came from telling Hook no. It would last a few precious seconds, making her remember something, someone she used to be for the briefest of moments, then it quickly snuffed out again.

Emma stood as defiantly as she could, eyes sharp and watching the anger in Hook’s eyes from before grow into fury and contempt. She gulped, hating the feeling of being a child about to be punished for something that wasn’t her fault.

“With _her_.” Hook spat, sneer falling into place at the mention of Regina.

“Yes, with Regina. And Henry. Like I do every Friday night. Which you know.” Emma repeated, holding onto her resolve as tightly as she could.

“Well excuse me for thinking my girlfriend would want to spend some time with me. Instead of some random woman who spent thirty odd years trying to destroy her mother.” Hook snarled out.

Ferocity began to glow in Emma’s emerald eyes and she took her fists out of her jacket to hang stiffly at her sides. One hand came up and pointed an accusing finger at the pirate before her as Emma seethed. “Regina is not some random woman, and she is not her past. She and Henry are my family, and you had better get that straight, Hook.”

“Oh I’m straight, love. I’m not so sure you’re particularly _straight_ on what you want.” He returned, accusation clear in his sharp hiss.

“What does that even mean?” Emma wanted to shriek in aggravation, but she settled for throwing her hands up in the air and speaking with evident frustration. Hook said nothing, he simply gave her an incredulous glare and snorted.

“Whatever.” Emma rolled her eyes, and shoved past Hook to continue down the sidewalk. She gratefully heard the scuff of his boots storming off in the other direction, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

Regina looked to the clock, 4:23, and continued to busy herself with preparations for dinner. Tonight was a classic, her famous lasagna. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like the comfort it brought was going to be necessary tonight. And even if she was wrong, the dish was always a crowd pleaser anyways.

She was mindful of the time, knowing Emma would likely be there by 5:00. However, after only a few more minutes she heard the distinct sound of Emma Swan knocking on her door. With a furrowed brow, Regina set down the spoon she was using to stir the sauce and wiped her hands on her apron as she made her way to the foyer. She descended the steps quickly and approached the door.

Emma could hear the clicking of the darker woman’s heels on the marble through the door and a bit of her wary tension ebbed away just at the sound. When the door pulled open to reveal Regina, perfectly coiffed even in her confusion, Emma felt like she could breathe again.

Regina smiled brightly at her frequent guest and quickly ushered her in. But her eyes were sharply observant as she took everything in. Something was off with Emma, she could see it spread across the woman; in her weary eyes, in the deep set frown lines present though the blonde was attempting a smile, in the drooping set of her shoulders, the tired and deliberate manner in which she shucked her boots. Regina watched it all carefully, allowing Emma to rest her mind before she spoke what was on it. Emma always spoke to Regina when she was ready.

“You’re a little early today.” Regina noted calmly, graciously accepting the bottle of chianti Emma presented her with. “Oh wonderful, this will pair perfectly with the lasagna.”

“Lasagna?” Emma seemed to perk up instantly, and Regina couldn’t deny herself the indulgence of reveling in having caused the smile on Emma’s face. Her own smile shone back, and she nodded enthusiastically to the blonde.

“Yes, I wasn’t sure why, but tonight seemed like a lasagna night.” Regina explained as she marched back into the kitchen, chianti in hand. As she expected, Emma followed right behind her. Regina busied herself pouring the wine into a decanter, and resumed fussing with the sauce. Emma was quiet for a while, and Regina began humming to herself as she cooked. She pretended not to notice as Emma snuck pinches of the several types of grated cheese she had set aside, deciding to cut the woman a little slack tonight.

Her patience was rewarded when Emma finally spoke up, voice aiming for calm and untroubled, but falling short to Regina’s ears.

“I hope I’m not putting you out by showing up early tonight. I just decided to leave the station a little early this afternoon.” Emma refused to make eye contact, instead she took stock of the ingredients around her, set up and ready to go at the precise moment Regina needed them. She couldn’t fight the little quirk of her lips, it was just so _Regina._

“Not at all. One of those days, perhaps?” Regina responded, hoping her question came across as casual musing, as opposed to nosy prying.

Emma shrugged noncommittally, and through a mouthful of cheese she mumbled, “I guess you could say that.”

She offered nothing else, and the queen knew when not to push. But she turned her attention from the sauce to regard Emma. She rolled her eyes as she was met with the sight of a string of mozzarella stuck to the blonde’s chin, unbeknownst to Emma. She chuckled a little and handed Emma a napkin, pointing to her own chin to indicate the leftover cheese. Emma wiped at her chin and with her largest smile of the day she shamelessly grabbed another large pinch of cheese between her fingers and popped it into her mouth.

Still laughing lightly, Regina took the bowl of cheese from the bottomless pit. “Enough pilfering my ingredients. If you eat all the cheese now, I won’t have enough for the lasagna and it will be woefully under cheesed.”

Emma’s eyes grew wide with mock fear and she sounded like a lost child when she asked, “Lasagna with no cheese? But that’s- that’s a crime against nature!”

“Well then we know who the perpetrator is too don’t we?” Regina played along, relieved to see Emma brightening up a little at the game.

“You’ll never catch me!” Emma responded, and reached across the kitchen island to take yet another pinch of cheese and this time running out of the room to make her escape as she devoured her stolen prize. Regina simply laughed a little harder. She began the work to boil the noodles, and not long after she heard Emma and Henry start up Henry’s game system. She had expected as much when the blonde took off running, and she continued to cook peacefully to the sound of her son and good friend cheering and whooping along to their game in the other room.


	3. Chapter Two

Emma’s mood seemed to brighten steadily over dinner. She dug into Regina’s lasagna with gusto, and talked animatedly with their son, who laughed and rolled his eyes when his blonde mother ended up with sauce on her nose. Regina herself couldn’t fight back the chuckle that escaped her at the sight as well. But she also didn’t miss the way Emma was indulging in more wine than usual. Something was still amiss with the sheriff.

After dinner was done, the dishes were cleaned, and Henry was in bed, Regina and Emma retired to her den. Emma had moved past wine, and was now nursing a glass of whiskey. She sat on Regina’s couch, back to the armrest, head tilted back to the ceiling, and feet kicked up on the cushions. Regina couldn’t help but marvel at her; position so relaxed but every muscle in the blonde’s body was clearly taut with stress.

There was no version of Emma that Regina didn’t find beautiful, even now, when the woman’s turmoil was evident despite making herself so at home. She swallowed thickly, trying to tamp down her own emotions. Emma wasn’t hers to covet, wasn’t hers to love, and she had no business admiring her soft features in the artificial light of the den. But she couldn’t stop herself from needing to tend to her guest’s emotional state, nothing could prevent her from caring for those she loved.

So Regina crossed the room and decided in one bold movement to lift Emma’s feet, place herself on the couch beside the blonde, and set the woman’s legs over her own lap. For a moment, no one said anything. Emma eyed Regina with a tinge of surprise and curiosity. Regina studiously avoided Emma’s gaze and pretended this was completely normal while her heart saw fit to attempt to beat out of her chest. Eventually Emma hummed a little, and relaxed herself just a bit into her seat. Regina finally let herself breathe at this, and she tried to suck in as much air to her burning lungs as possible without being obvious.

However, it quickly became evident to Regina that Emma had no intention of breaking the silence between them. Emma needed to be ready to say what was on her mind, true, but that didn’t mean she didn’t sometimes need a little encouragement. After everything, after all the years, all that had passed between them, Regina had learned when to bite her tongue, and when to prompt the savior. Tonight Emma was going to need some gentle nudging.

“So why did you really show up early tonight?” Regina cut into the silence.

Emma closed her eyes and picked her head up. She took a healthy sip of her whiskey before she opened her mouth in reply. “It’s like you said earlier. One of those days.”

Regina nodded, but wasn’t satisfied. “You’ve been having a lot of those days, Emma.”

Emma scoffed, uncomfortable with the rut she was stuck in being pointed out to her. “Have you been watching me, Madame Mayor?”

“Please don’t ‘Madame Mayor’ me, Emma. We’ve been through too much.” Regina replied softly, thinking back to a night with Dark Emma on her porch, arguing and heart breaking. Emma said nothing, merely ground her jaw and turned her head back to the ceiling. So Regina pressed on. “And I wouldn’t say watching, more like noticing.” She paused, and Emma continued her silence. Finally, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Are you okay, Emma?”

She wasn’t expecting Emma to laugh, the curt burst of noise making her feel unsteady and insecure. She closed her eyes and winced a little at just how hollow the sound emanating from the blonde was. But she wouldn’t hide from Emma, so she lifted her chin high and stared her friend down, waiting for a serious answer. At Regina’s solemn gaze, Emma seemed to get the hint. She quieted, and offered a small apologetic grin.

“I should be, right? I mean, I’ve got everything I always wanted. My parents, a home, Henry, and…Hook, I guess.” As she curled her tongue over the mention of the pirate, her voice hardened, but grew small at the same time.

“You guess?” Regina questioned, very intrigued at Emma’s lukewarm placement of Hook on her list of apparent fortunes.

Emma let out a deep sigh, her face and limbs feeling fuzzy and warm from all the alcohol. She didn’t want to say this, but at the same time it was poised to burst from her chest like a pressure tank overloaded. It needed to come out, and with the whiskey and wine greasing the hinges of her jaw, it was going to come out now whether she liked it or not.

“Sometimes I feel like, _why am I with him?_ Like I’m only with him because he says he loves me, like that means because he wants me he gets to have me. And I _hate_ that. Like I’m not some fucking prize to be won, you know? But I can’t stop thinking, who else is going to love me as much as him? And now I have someone who loves me, so why am I complaining?” Emma’s voice rose as she continued to voice what had been running through her mind. She seemed angry, but whether she was angry with herself or Hook or anything else, Regina couldn’t tell.

Bile was rising in her throat as she listened to Emma describe her relationship with the pirate. It scared her, knowing Emma felt this way and having seen the way the misogynistic pig treated Emma, and any woman around him with a pulse. Maybe it wasn’t her place, maybe she shouldn’t say anything, but how was she supposed to hold her tongue? Even if Emma didn’t love her back, she was still Regina’s friend, and she felt the need to protect her.

“Emma, if you really feel this way, perhaps your relationship with Hook isn’t exactly…” Regina searched for the gentlest way to put it, without sugar coating this, “healthy.”

Emma’s eyes snapped up to her with sharp focus, an intensity burned in the emerald gaze and something told Regina that Emma already knew what she had said was true.

“Who has a healthy relationship these days?” was Emma’s only reply, however.

“Plenty of people, Emma. I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, but, well I suppose just look at your parents. They may be sickeningly _charming_ , but their love is true, and well they do have a good relationship.” Regina urged.

“My parents are literally Snow White and Prince Charming. Are you honestly saying their relationship is an attainable goal for everyone?” Emma fired back with bitterness laced in her tone.

Regina rolled her eyes heavily, “I said it wasn’t easy. They may be legends in this world, and hell our old one as well I suppose, but their love was far from always a fairy tale. But yes, I do think it’s reasonable to strive for a strong, honest, supportive relationship where _both_ parties are in love. Or all parties, I suppose, depending on where your inclinations lie.”

“And do you strive for that, Regina?” Emma was clearly becoming uncomfortable with being the focus of the discussion, but Regina saw right through her.

“Don’t try to turn this around on me, Emma. We’re talking about you.” She reminded with a gentle smile. “We don’t have to keep talking about this if you don’t want to, but could I ask you one more question? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” Regina ventured, nerves surging through her. She feared she’d already pushed Emma too far for one night.

Emma let out a heavy gust of air, before she acquiesced to at least hear Regina’s question.

“Why did you agree to be with Hook in the first place?”

For a moment Emma seemed taken aback, her head pulled back and her chin tucked in slightly as if she had taken a physical blow. Her mouth opened and closed once before she finally decided to speak. When she did, her shoulders slumped, and her face seemed about ten years older.

“I guess I just got tired. He kept chasing me. Everyone wanted to believe I belonged with him because he made it so clear he wanted me. And, I mean, I wanted to be loved. Maybe I didn’t admit it to anyone, but I was lonely, and I wanted someone. And Hook was right there, offering to be someone. I didn’t really have a solid reason to refuse him anymore, I guess. I mean, other than not really liking him, but everyone, especially him, they kept saying _just give him a chance, just give love a chance._ Like I said, I got tired of saying no.”

Emma deflated as she spoke. She drew into herself, and Regina had never seen her so small. But the fight hadn’t been knocked out of her yet, it never could be. Emma’s jaw was set strong and her chin was raised in defiance. Her eyes still held fire, no matter how small the flame had become. Regina vowed to herself in that moment that she would do everything in her power to make sure that flame never died. But tonight she knew she had taken this conversation as far as it would go.

“Thank you for your honesty, Emma.” She replied simply.

Emma sized her up, confused and unsure if there was more to come from the dark haired woman. When Regina said nothing else and only continued to smile softly, Emma gave back a tentative smile of her own, and replied, “You’re welcome, Regina.”

They sat in silence for quite a while longer. Regina rested her hands lightly on Emma’s legs still on her lap, and Emma resumed her earlier position of reclining her head back on the armrest of the couch. And though the quiet was comfortable, companionable, Regina’s soul was sore, and her heart was cracking. Her friend, her secret love, was miserable and she couldn’t fix it. So she sat with her, hoping that her presence would be enough to soothe for tonight.

Eventually, as the hour wore on, Emma began to snuffle lightly, and Regina knew she had begun to drift off. Unsurprisingly, considering all the alcohol she had consumed that night. So Regina carefully removed Emma’s legs from her lap and stood. She shook the blonde awake with a gentle hand, and when Emma looked up at her with bleary, bloodshot eyes, Regina said nothing. She simply smiled and took Emma’s hand and led her upstairs.

They made their way down the hall, and Emma questioned nothing. Regina opened the door to one of her guest bedrooms, and gently tugged Emma through the threshold. She gestured to the room wordlessly, and Emma smiled gratefully.

“Good night, Emma.” Regina finally said as she turned to exit the room and head down the hall to her own bedroom.

A soft call followed her into the hallway, “Good night, Regina.”


	4. Chapter Three

Sunlight filtered in through the curtains, casting rays into Emma’s eyes as she tried to sleep. Her eyes felt crusted over, sealed together with sleep as she tried to pry them open. Her mouth tasted a bit like sewage, and she smacked her lips to attempt to rid her tongue of the taste. The pillows and sheets beneath her felt strange, different. They were too smooth, too silky. That’s when she picked up her head and looked at her surroundings.

It took a moment, but she recalled where she was; memories of drinking too much and being led to Regina’s guest room for the night filing in. Her head pounded a little from the alcohol, and more from the recollection of the conversation she had with Regina last night.

She groaned deeply, and rolled herself over on the bed so that she was facing away from the window. Once confronted with the sight of the bedside table, she realized that Regina had left out a bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of water for her. Reaching gratefully for the bottle, Emma sat up a little and quickly swallowed the pills, chasing them with a large gulp of water.

She rested her head for a few moments, allowing the medicine to take effect before she grunted and kicked the covers back. It took her a minute to disentangle herself from the exorbitant amount of plush blankets the bed was covered in, but she managed to free herself. She walked across the room to where her pants lay on the chaise set near the window. Fishing her phone out of the pocket, she checked the time.

5:46

Emma hummed a little, noting the sunlight coming through the window was certainly watery early morning light. Few believed Emma when she told them she liked to rise early. She supposed her attitude would tend to lead people to believe her to be a late morning dozer. But in reality she enjoyed the calm and the quiet of the early morning. It was peaceful, and she found that she felt safest in the hours the sun was first waking. Foster parents and siblings were still asleep, they wouldn’t come to bother her for a little while, and she could cling safely to her one donated teddy and watch the sun rise knowing she didn’t have to worry.

But though the comfort of the early morning had its effects on Emma like it always did, she found she couldn’t quite bite back the worry this morning. She had crossed a line in admitting her secret fears about her relationship to Regina last night. _You’re doing it again, Emma. Everything is alright, you have people, but you’re messing it up. If you keep this up they’re not going to want you anymore. They’ll leave you. Your parents want the perfect princess with the perfect storybook love tale. Why can’t you just give it to them?_

Emma sighed deeply, staring out into the garden of Regina’s home. The flowers of early summer were blooming in full force, a colorful array splashed across the yard, filled with beauty that caused Emma to smile even in this moment. But it didn’t last long, and soon the sharp downturn of Emma’s ever present frown settled into her features once more.

Regina’s house was completely silent, and Emma knew now was the best opportunity to leave without causing a fuss. So she quickly pulled on her pants and her button up, having stripped them both to sleep in her tank top and underwear. She made the bed as best as she could, certain that Regina would fix it as soon as she saw it, but she tried her damndest.

Once the bed was made as well as Emma could do, she slipped into the hallway, and tiptoed down it to the stairs in the foyer. She climbed down them as carefully as possible, and went to where her boots rested by the front door. She laced them up soundlessly, and stood fully dressed in the foyer. She reached for the handle of the front door, but made no move to turn it. She turned behind her and faced the stairway, looking up in the direction of where Regina and her son slept still.

A pit was forming in her stomach and a lump was taking hold of her throat at the same time. She wished more than anything that she could stay. Visions of breakfast with Henry and Regina, with her family, played through her mind. They would all be in the kitchen, Emma trying to convince Regina that she could make really good pancakes, Regina challenging that hers were better, Henry laughing at the both of them. Emma would put on the radio and when a song she loved would come on, she would take the spatula from Regina’s hand and bounce and dance Regina across the kitchen while the brunette woman rolled her eyes and humored Emma only until she feared her pancakes would start burning.

Emma wiped furiously at the unwarranted tears beginning to spill down her cheeks at the thought with the hand that didn’t grip the door handle. She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering if the motion made her look like Regina, and swallowed down the rest of her tears. She felt foolish even entertaining the idea, and she certainly didn’t examine why she’d rather dance around with her best friend than spend time with her boyfriend. There was no world in which Emma could be so worry free and full of joy, she knew. So she squeezed her eyes shut and banished the images from her brain. Finding her resolve, she exited the manor and pulled the door shut without a sound.

* * *

The bell over the door chimed as yet another customer walked in for the lunch rush. Ruby didn’t have time to acknowledge who it was at first, her hands were full of hot plates of food to be delivered to a table that had already been waiting a bit too long for their meals. She expertly maneuvered her way through the crowd to place the food on the table and offer them a huge smile, hoping her charm and friendliness could ease their annoyance with the service. Fortunately, they made no complaints and quickly tucked into their food, leaving Ruby to continue her job.

So she swiveled where she stood and headed back to the counter to find her new customer. When she saw blonde waves falling over tensely drawn shoulders and a slumped back, she knew exactly who had entered the diner. Taking in a deep breath, she walked behind the counter and placed herself squarely in front of Emma. The woman looked up at her with tired eyes and a half smile.

“Hey, Ruby. Things are busy today, huh?” Emma spoke to her friend upon seeing her.

“You could definitely say that. Saturday lunch rush though, it’s how it goes.” Ruby smiled wide, already trying to calculate how to cheer the savior up. “Do you want something to eat too, Em?”

“Could I have a cheeseburger, and some onion rings?” Emma asked kindly.

“Coming right up.” Ruby winked and turned toward the kitchen to call the order to her Granny, who shouted back in affirmation that she had heard. The lanky brunette turned back around to face her friend, and observed her carefully for a moment.

Aware that she was being sized up by Ruby, Emma sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes at the waitress.

“What are you thinking, Rubes?” Emma asked, her voice laden with uncomfortable suspicion.

“I’m just worried about you, you know? You seem to be in a kind of… funk lately.” Ruby said when she finally settled on a reply.

Emma’s eyes went to the ceiling and she rubbed both hands across her face in obvious exasperation. Ruby watched and winced, it was apparent she had upset the woman. She shuffled where she stood, and busied herself with cleaning off the countertop for a moment, allowing Emma to collect herself.

After a short pause she spoke again, “Sorry, did I say something?”

Emma sighed a little and turned apologetic eyes to the concerned woman in front of her. She offered up a small smile, and set to soothe Ruby’s fears she’d made a misstep.

“No, Ruby, you didn’t say anything wrong. I’m just, getting tired of people looking at me like I’m a kicked puppy, you know? Everyone’s always worried something’s wrong with me. My mom keeps coming by my place to drop off meals, always using some flimsy excuse that she ‘accidentally made too much’ or she ‘just knew how much I loved pot roast’ and stuff like that. My dad just gives me these sad smiles all the time. And then there’s Regina.” Emma huffed out the woman’s name in frustration and buried her face in her hands again.

“What’s Regina done?” Ruby asked with confusion, “I thought you two were getting on pretty well now.”

Emma looked up again quickly, “We are.” She said with no hesitation, and Ruby smiled placatingly. “We are getting along great, actually. And that’s half the problem.” Emma finished her thought.

Ruby furrowed her brow and gave Emma a quizzical look to prompt an explanation. Emma, for her part bit her lip and debated whether she should say anything. But the need to talk about what’s been storming through her head for weeks won out this afternoon again, just like it did the previous night with Regina.

“It shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, Regina is a really good friend. And I love spending time with her and Henry. They’re family to me, is that weird? Not, not Henry of course, he’s my son, it would be weird if I _didn’t_ think he was family. But Regina, she raised him, and now we take care of him together. It’s not weird that I feel like she’s my family, right?” Emma rambled nervously and Ruby smiled patiently, knowing Emma would come to a natural halt.

When she did pause and look to Ruby with desperate eyes to let her rant be over, Ruby chuckled and decided to put her friend out of her misery.

“It’s not weird at all, Emma. It’s like you said, she raised your son, and now you share him together. That’s family. Besides she’s got all that history with your parents. Good and bad. You know all that though. It’s all super complicated and completely intertwined in a way that no one could pull apart. Sounds like family to me.” Ruby felt a little proud of herself when her words seemed to ease Emma’s burden. But the young blonde’s face quickly reverted to its pinched and stress filled expression.

“But that’s not everything, is it?” Ruby pressed.

Emma shook her head glumly. “No. Regina's noticed my _funk_ , as you put it too. And then there's Hook.” She said with little explanation. But Ruby had seen enough of the man and his temperament to know where this was going.

“He doesn’t like you and Regina being family, does he?” Ruby questioned softy.

“No, he doesn’t. He gets mad when I spend time with them and not him. He acts like he should be given the privilege of all my time.” Emma ground out, frustration and fear swirling together in her words.

Ruby gave her a sympathetic look, and whispered quietly to Emma, “Sounds pretty possessive.”

Emma snorted, and returned Ruby’s comment with, “You could say that.”

“And I’m guessing you don’t like being possessed?” Ruby ventured.

“Of course not. Who does? I’m not a _thing_ , Ruby.” Emma bit back, perhaps more harshly than was necessary. She quickly realized the acidity to her tone, and added on, “I’m sorry, Ruby. It’s just a sore spot for me.”

“It’s okay, Em.” Ruby smiled, accepting the apology easily. She considered what she was about to say carefully before she opened her mouth, but eventually she went ahead with what was on her mind. “Maybe you need to make a change, Emma. Maybe you need to take a break and think about what it is you really want.”

Emma seemed to deliberate on this for a while, without saying anything. She chewed on her lip and stared at a fixed spot on the counter for a while. Ruby said nothing, simply allowing the other woman to think as long as she needed to. As she stood in silence, she heard Granny call to her from the kitchen.

“Ruby! Here’s Emma’s order. Take it to her and stop yakking, in case you haven’t noticed we’ve got a full house today. Get back to work!” The stern older woman reprimanded and suitably cowed, Ruby took the plate to Emma and smiled at her.

“Eat up, Em. I’ve got to get back to work.” She nudged the plate closer, hoping the greasy food would offer some comfort for her friend.

“Sure thing, thanks for the talk, Ruby.” Emma responded, still deep in thought.

“Any time!” Ruby threw over her shoulder as she walked back out into the mess of tables and people chatting to resume her work.

* * *

Regina hummed to herself quietly as she worked. She was tending her garden, pulling up weeds around her azalea bushes. She was crouched in the garden, wearing a pair of old jeans she’d deny she owned, and t shirt she had stolen from Emma. That, she would also deny possession of under pain of death. Her wide brimmed hat shielded her eyes from the sun, and her gloves protected her hands and fingers from getting cut up.

Working in the garden always calmed her, it was something she had enjoyed with her father when she was little. He taught her at a young age how to tend to all manners of plant life and to make life grow before her eyes. As she watched plants bloom, and trees take root as a young girl, the passion for it grew and she continued the hobby into adulthood.

Today she felt she needed the peace. When she had awoken that morning, she was sorely disappointed to find her guest room empty and no trace of Emma Swan. She supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised. Emma was a runner, and they had gotten personal the night before. It only made sense that the woman got scared and took off first thing in the morning. But it didn’t make the ache in Regina’s heart any less persistent. So she continued to pull weeds.

After a while, she was no longer sure how much time had passed, but the soothing effects of the garden had begun to do their work. Her muscles were starting to get sore, but in a good way. In a way that let her know she had done hard work, and she relished the feel of stretching as she stood. She wiped dirt off her pants and moved over to the hose to begin watering all the green life in her yard.

She turned on the spray and relaxed even more as she felt the water course through the tubing in her hands and rain down on her plants. She became absorbed in watching the spray, letting the sounds of the water rushing out of the hose and onto the fragile leaves of the plants fill up her senses. So immersed in it she was, that she didn’t hear the crunching of boots in grass in dirt as someone approached her from behind. When she heard her name spoken, she jumped out of her skin and dropped the hose, instantly soaking the legs of her jeans.

“Sorry! Sorry!” The voice called, and Regina rushed to pick up the hose and switch it off. When she finally turned to the intruder, she was shocked to see Emma looking at her with large worried eyes.

“Emma! You scared me half to death! What are you doing here?” Regina asked, one hand pressed to her heart.

“I’m really sorry. I rang the bell but no one answered, so I thought you might be out back.” Emma explained. “I was right?” Emma added sheepishly, attempting a smile and holding her hands out.

“Yes, dear, you were right.” Regina responded. She took off her gardening gloves and motioned to the patio chairs along the back porch. Both women moved up the short steps to the porch and took seats beside each other.

“Is there something you need, Emma?” Regina asked, determined not to mention Emma’s escape earlier that morning. For all she knew, it would simply prompt the blonde to run again.

“Yeah I guess you could say that.” Emma put forth. “I talked to Ruby today, and she gave me an idea. I think I need to get out of Storybrooke for a little while.”

“You’re leaving?” Regina sat up straight in alarm, cutting Emma off.

“No! Well, technically, but not permanently, like a vacation. Just maybe a week or two.” Emma rushed to explain.

“Oh.” Regina said quietly, sitting back in her seat. “Where would you go?”

“I’m not sure yet. But that’s part of why I’m here. See I haven’t figured much out yet about this trip. But I do know one thing. I don’t want to go alone. I’m tired of being alone.” Emma added the last part quietly, looking to her hands in her lap instead of Regina.

“What are you saying, Emma?” Regina asked in confusion.

“I’m saying, well I’m asking, would you and Henry like to go on a family vacation with me?”


	5. Chapter Four

_“I’m saying, well I’m asking, would you and Henry like to go on a family vacation with me?”_

Regina watched Emma form the words with her mouth, she heard them ringing in her ears, felt them rattle in her brain. But she couldn’t quite gather up those senses to form any kind of response. Instead she simply stared at the blonde woman next to her, who began to squirm in her seat at the silence and Regina’s gaze.

Never being one for patience or sitting still, Emma shifted into a new position every few seconds. After about ten seconds of this, she couldn’t take the silence anymore. So, in true Emma Swan fashion, she began to ramble.

“I’m sorry, Regina. I guess I shouldn’t have asked. I mean why would you want to go on vacation with me? And I know we never really talked about being family. I mean do you mind that I said that? I just thought, you know, cause we share Henry, and we’re friends. Oh shit, we are friends, right? I just kind of assumed, I mean I’m at your house all the time, and we talk and-“

Her voice had gone almost squeaky and the pitch seemed to snap Regina back into focus. She lifted both her hands and cut Emma off.

“Woah! Emma! Take a breath, please.” Regina shouted out, effectively silencing Emma.

Emma gulped in a large breath and allowed relief to wash over herself. Regina took her own breath as she thought about where to start to reply to Emma. Part of her was thrilled with what Emma had just said. _We’re family. I finally have family._

But thinking about it troubled her as well. What if Emma could never feel anything more than familial love for Regina? The thought was bitter tasting on her tongue, but Regina tried not to fret over it. She had already known Emma felt nothing for her like she did Emma. Maybe she could be okay with familial love, a bond between co parents and nothing more. She supposed it was better than nothing.

Regina realized she had been silent for a while, and Emma looked like she was ready to burst sitting next to her. So Regina turned on a smile as best she could. A smile just for Emma.

“Of course we’re family, Emma. And yes we’re friends too.” Emma seemed to light up and Regina tried very hard not to read too much into it. _She’s just happy she doesn’t have to fight with me anymore_. Regina continued to observe Emma, and she watched as the woman began chewing her lip and furrowing her brow.

“What is it, Emma?” She asked.

“Well, if we’re family, why don’t you want to go on vacation with me?” Emma kicked herself internally for sounding so pathetic and she wanted to groan when she saw the reaction on Regina’s face. The darker woman continued to smile at Emma, but there was now a glint to her eyes, like she was trying not to laugh.

“I never said I didn’t want to, Emma. You did.” Regina replied.

Emma sat back in her chair and stared at Regina for a few moments, just blinking.

“Oh.” She finally spoke.

Regina chuckled and sat back in her chair as well, turning her gaze to the green leaves and colorful blossoms of her garden. She waited, knowing it wouldn’t be long before Emma was talking again.

“So, do you want to then?” Emma’s voice was timid and oh so fragile when it met Regina’s ears. Regina sighed a little as she thought about the best way to answer.

“I don’t know, Emma. Isn’t it a little…strange?”

“What’s wrong with two moms taking their kid on a vacation?” Emma asked, and Regina quirked a brow. It was obvious to both women that she was blatantly ignoring the elephant in the room. The exact thing that was strange about their unique situation, not the least of which that they were not a couple, merely co parents to the same boy. The idea of taking Henry, and Emma, _my family_ she thought, on a trip like this, was just how coupleish it felt. And Regina wasn’t sure she could survive extending their already over the line of friendship behaviors into taking a week long trip with just Emma and their son.

She longed to shout yes to Emma. To pack her bags and get on the road with their son and just escape all of Storybrooke’s madness. To be with the two people in this world she loved most. But it was complicated for her. This trip would undoubtedly see her falling more in love with Emma. But Emma, well she would still be with the pirate. Nothing would change.

But then another thought occurred to Regina. Maybe Emma would never love her back, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy time with her best friend. And maybe this trip was really what Emma needed. Maybe some things could change. And if not how Regina felt for Emma, and if not how Emma felt for Regina either, maybe it could at least give Emma the clear head space to realize that she was better off without Hook. And if she needed Regina’s support to do so, she couldn’t deny her.

Really, Regina knew what her answer was going to be all along. She could never say no to Emma. So she wasn’t surprised at all when she heard herself saying, “Okay. Where are we going?”

Emma’s great toothy smile split her face, and Regina tried to ignore the warmth flooding her chest at the sight, at the thought that she had put that smile there. Emma’s emerald eyes sparkled a little even, and they seemed almost a bit stunned, as if she hadn’t expected Regina to say yes.

Emma was shrugging then, and her smile never faded when she responded to Regina. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet actually.”

Regina snorted though she wasn’t really surprised by this either.

“I see.” Regina chimed.

“Any suggestions?” Emma posed casually.

Regina thought for a moment, closing her eyes and wondering where in the world she’d like to be. It wasn’t long before something occurred to her. She found herself thinking of a picture she had hanging in one of her guest bathrooms. Sailboats on the water, next to a coastline filled with cottages and docks. It wasn’t her usual taste in décor, that’s why it was hidden away in a room upstairs that few people visit. But she had acquired it early in her time in Storybrooke, and always liked it. It reminded her of her own coastal town, but there was something different about it. Something that screamed summer and relaxation and easy times.

Regina turned to Emma and opened her eyes. The blonde woman was watching her with an easy going expression, a small smile and curious eyes.

“I think I know exactly where I want to go.” Regina said softly.

* * *

As Regina prepared for bed that night she felt excitement bubbling in her gut. Effervescent bubbles seemed to be tingling through her system and she knew she had a goofy grin plastered on her face. She had tried to school her features back to impassive earlier, but she just couldn’t fight the beaming smile all night. Henry had regarded her curiously through dinner, but said nothing. And now that no one was there to see Regina, she didn’t bother to try to contain her sunshine.

After agreeing on a location, Emma and Regina had immediately called Henry to tell him of the plan. The boy had been excited by the prospect of a trip, but of course he had to play it down. He had his image to preserve after all.

So while his face had initially screamed excitement, he had simply said, “So we’re going on a real family vacation? That’s so cheesy.”

Emma had huffed good naturedly, and thrown one arm around their teenaged son. “Don’t pretend you’re not pumped kid.”

Henry had shrugged Emma’s arm off and walked over to the pantry with an eye roll but a large smile in place. Emma had chuckled and gestured with arms outstretched and both hands to the boy, looking at Regina.

“We just tell the kid he gets to go on an awesome vacation and all he wants is food. I blame you.”

“ _Me_?” Regina had cried out in mock incredulation, “Have you seen the way you eat? No, no, dear. His appetite is all you.” 

"You’re probably right.” Emma had responded with a proud grin.

Emma seemed confident that this was going to be great, that everyone was going to have a wonderful time. But Regina was still worrying. Worrying over Henry’s reaction, and over her own predicament. That night, she had at least assuaged her fears over Henry’s feelings about the trip. Over dinner she had asked him if he was happy about it.

He had looked up at her and said, “Yeah, definitely. It’ll be fun to get away from Stroybrooke just as a family. Besides, I think this is a good idea for you too.”

Regina had been a little confused, but Henry didn’t explain further. He was clearly up to something, but Regina knew better than to press for information. Henry was like his mother; he would share when he was ready. She just hoped he wasn’t about to get himself into trouble with another one of his operations.

So by the end of the night, Regina was a mixed bag of emotions. But she still couldn’t stop smiling. She was going on vacation with her family. With Emma. And Hook would be nowhere in sight for a whole week. Nervousness and anxiety was feathering into her system along with her joy, but for tonight, Regina decided to focus on the happy. She crawled into her bed, settling among the covers just right, and drifted off to sleep with her grin still etched on her face.


	6. Chapter Five

“You’re going on vacation. With Regina.” Snow White regarded her daughter closely as she sat across the island counter from her. She took a sip of her coffee then set it down on the countertop and waited for a response. Her voice sounded pretty much exactly how Emma had expected; skeptical, bemused, and a little cautious. It was enough to make Emma wish she hadn’t opened her mouth.

“And Henry.” Emma added quickly, not liking the way her mother was watching her.

“Right, of course.” Snow responded, still eyeing Emma. She said nothing else, but it was clear to Emma that there was more. Rather than waiting for her mother to cryptically beat around the bush, she decided to dive into the deep end.

“Mom, what is it?” She asked, exasperation clear in her tone.

“Nothing,” Snow shrugged, and Emma continued to glare at the woman until Snow gave her a look that said she wanted to say _don’t look at me like that, young lady_. But the time for that had passed years ago, long before Emma had even met her mother. Snow tried to offer a reassuring smile, and finally continued with her thought.

“I just think it’s a little strange that you want to get away from Storybrooke to clear your head, but instead of taking your boyfriend you’re taking Regina.” Snow said.

Emma groaned inwardly, and she wished she could just get up and leave. She had promised her mother she would visit today, but she didn’t have to say anything about her trip. Except that she knew she did. There was a time when she could have taken off and gone on a road trip without telling a soul in the world where she was going or what she was doing, and no one would have noticed or cared. She was free to do as she pleased.

But it wasn’t like that anymore. She couldn’t just up and leave town without telling her parents, and everyone would surely have noticed if the sheriff and the mayor suddenly went missing. And more than that, Emma had promised her parents and promised herself that she would try to open up to them more. They had promised in return to work on not smothering her, to let her continue to adjust to the concept of actually having parents. After a lifetime on her own it was strange enough to have a mother and father, let alone ones that were the same age as her.

So Emma decided to trust her mother a little, to talk to her a little. She sighed heavily, and stared into her own mug of coffee.

“Maybe it’s because Hook is the one I’m trying to clear my head about.” She admitted. Her mother said nothing, so Emma looked up from the dark brown liquid in her cup and to Snow’s face. She didn’t quite know what to make of what she saw. There was no trace of surprise on her features.

“I see,” Snow spoke quietly, her eyes filled with a knowing expression. “Honestly I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner.”

“What?” Emma flubbed out.

“I’ve see you with Hook, Emma. You don’t look like…well you don’t look like you feel like I do when I’m with your father.” Snow explained, reaching her hand across the countertop and placing it gently on top of her daughter’s. Emma didn’t pull away and Snow reveled in being able to have this small connection with her child.

“Oh, okay, I guess.” Emma mumbled, not quite sure what to say.

Snow watched Emma with sad eyes for a moment before she found herself speaking again. “Oh Emma, sweetheart, I know you’ve been down for a while now. I know your father and I have put a lot of pressure on you. To be our daughter, to be a part of this family, hell to save us. But you are so much more than the Savior. More than the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White, more than the princess, heir to the throne. You are Emma, and it’s okay for you to focus on your own happy ending.”

For a while Emma said nothing. Instead she turned her hand underneath Snow’s so that it was palm up and grabbed onto her mother’s hand. Snow returned the gesture with a firm squeeze, and continued to hold onto Emma’s hand.

After a few moments, Emma looked up from where their hands were joined and whispered, “Thanks, Mom.”

Snow smiled at Emma, and tried not to continue to gush at her daughter about how much she loved her, knowing Emma would start to pull away. So instead she winked and continued to hold on. She picked up her coffee, and allowed Emma to move on to a new topic of conversation.

* * *

Regina was fussing about in the foyer of her home bright and early on Saturday morning, she’d brought all of her bags downstairs, ready to be packed into Emma’s yellow bug when the woman arrived. Now she was double checking everything, every pocket of each bag to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. She was working her way through the checklist in her hand to keep track of everything. When she was satisfied that she had everything she would need, she went up the impressive staircase connected to the foyer and down the hall of her second floor.

She approached her son’s room and knocked on the door. No answer. She rapped the door a little harder. Still nothing. Sighing, she pushed open the door, and found the room still dark and Henry buried under his covers. She walked to his bed, and pulled the covers back a little. She shook his shoulder and he groaned loudly.

“Henry, come on, you know you have to get up early today.” Regina insisted calmly. She watched as Henry started moving very slowly, still making no motion to sit up though. Sometimes she found herself amazed by just how much of an adolescent her son had become. Henry had never particularly enjoyed being awake early, but lately he would sleep until noon if she let him. She never did of course.

Finally, Henry grunted and began to sit up. He looked to his mother with bleary eyes and a disgruntled set to his expression.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I like it.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“I’m sorry, dear. Try to cheer up a little, it might be an early start but Emma will be here soon and then we’re going to get a big breakfast at Granny’s with your grandparents before we hit the road.” Regina replied, her own voice still husky from the early morning.

Henry eyed her with clear motive in his gaze to seize an opportunity presented to him.

“Can I get pancakes with apples and syrup and whipped cream?” He asked.

“Yes, but only because it’s vacation.” Regina responded, aware that her son was milking this for everything it was worth.

“Yes!” He pumped his fist in victory, and began rising from the bed. “I’m going to go shower.”

“Wait, Henry, please bring your bags downstairs before you do. I want everything to be all ready to go as soon as Emma gets here.” Regina intercepted his path out of the room and pointed to the duffel bag and the backpack at the foot of Henry’s bed that he had packed yesterday. He shrugged and moved for his bags. He and Regina made their way down the hallway and when they reached the first floor, Henry dumped his bags next to Regina’s then ran back up the stairs to shower. She watched him go with a fond expression, then moved to the kitchen to wait for Emma to arrive.

It wasn’t long before the familiar taps of Emma’s knock sounded on the front door. Regina rushed to stand up then rolled her eyes at herself and forced herself to slow down. She walked slowly to the front door, and when she opened it Emma was standing before her, eyes brighter than they’d been in weeks.

“Good morning, Regina.” Emma greeted.

“Good morning.” Regina returned, smiling like a fool once again. She motioned for Emma to step inside which the woman did. Emma crossed the threshold into the foyer and took a look at the bags set near the door. She nodded at them, and began calculating the best way to fit them into the trunk of her bug.

“Is this everything?” She asked, gesturing to the bags.

“Yes, these are all my and Henry’s things for the trip.” Regina affirmed.

“Great, where is the kid?” Emma looked around the corner of the foyer, trying to see if Henry was in the kitchen perhaps.

“He’s upstairs in the shower. But he should be quick, he knows we’re leaving soon.”

“Okay, let’s get started on moving all this into the car so we can be ready to go when Henry comes down. I just texted my mom as I got here, they’re all set to meet us at Granny’s in twenty minutes.” Emma explained. As she finished speaking she had already begun to lift the luggage and head towards the door. Regina picked up one of her three bags; one Louis Vuitton suitcase, one small leather duffel, and her toiletries bag; and followed Emma out into the driveway.

Emma had grabbed Henry’s duffel and backpack and both her hands were full, so as she approached the car she set both down on the pavement. Regina held onto her suitcase, however, refusing to set it down outside. It took the women two trips but less than fifteen minutes to get everything all packed into the trunk. When they were done, Emma shut the compartment with a _thunk_ and clapped her hands together.

“Alright! Now all we need is our son and we’re good to go.” She beamed at Regina and began walking back into the house in search of Henry. Just as Emma walked through the front door, Henry came thundering down the stairs, clean and dressed.

“Hey, Ma!” He greeted boisterously, having obviously perked up despite the time of morning. He jumped down the small set of steps that descended into the foyer.

“Hey, Henry. Good! I was just coming to see if you’re ready. We’ve got everything in the car, and your grandparents are going to be waiting for us at the diner, are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m all set. We’re leaving right now?” Henry asked, moving over to his sneakers and crouching down to put them on his feet.

“Yep, just as soon as you get those shoes on your feet.” Emma replied. At that moment, Regina appeared behind her in the doorway.

“Henry, you’ve double checked that you have everything you need? Your phone charger, enough clothes, your sunglasses?” Regina couldn’t hold back, being a mother created habits that were hard to break.

Henry didn’t seem to be bothered though, and he nodded and said “yes, Mom,” to each of her questions. Once his sneakers were tied, he stood and clapped his hands together just like his blonde mother had before, causing a swell of affection to burst in Regina’s chest.

The three climbed into Emma’s car and turned off of Mifflin Street toward Granny’s Diner.

* * *

There were plenty of people inside the diner when the small family stepped through the doorway. It mirrored the previous Saturday when Emma had spoken to Ruby and decided to take the vacation they were about to embark on. Fortunately, Emma’s parents were already there and had snagged the table large enough to accommodate all five of them plus Neal’s highchair.

Her father began waving them over with a large grin. Snow was spoon feeding baby food to Neal, but she looked up when David had started waving. She gave them an equally huge and goofy smile as the three approached the table and took their seats.

“So are you all packed up and ready?” David asked over his mug of coffee.

“Yeah, we’re all set. We’ll leave straight from Granny’s once breakfast is over.” Emma replied, but it was obvious her eyes were on the coffee mug. With the morning rush leaving Ruby very busy, Emma wasn’t sure when she would get a chance to order her own cup of coffee. David laughed a little and handed Emma his mug and she gratefully accepted, taking a hearty draw of the dark liquid.

“Couldn’t wait thirty seconds for me?” Ruby teased as she approached the table.

“Not for my first sip of coffee of the day, nope.” Emma replied cheekily.

“What about you, Regina? Are you jonesing as bad as Emma this morning?” Ruby turned to Regina, who smiled politely at her in return.

“I would like a cup of coffee, yes. But I wouldn’t say I’m ‘jonesing,’” The word was foreign on Regina’s tongue, and Emma wanted to laugh at hearing it come from the prim and proper woman. “I already had one cup today.” Regina finished explaining.

“Alright,” Ruby chuckled a little, “two more mugs of coffee coming up. Do you all know what you want to eat yet?”

Everyone placed their order, Henry making sure to obtain his pancakes. They all began talking, with Snow and David asking questions about the itinerary for the vacation and what their plans were. Henry chimed in with sights he was excited to see. When they’re food arrived, they all tucked in happily. Conversation flowed easily, and jokes were thrown about.

They were all happily immersed in their own world, so much so that they didn’t notice when someone new walked into the diner, nor when this person marched himself over to their table. But the figure loomed over the table, clearly unhappy and waiting to be acknowledged. Regina was the first to look up and her stomach dropped, and a scowl grew on her face.

Emma looked up next, and it was clear she was displeased when she saw who was there.

“Hook, what are you doing here?”


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning just in case, because Hook is a real asshole in this chapter.

_“Hook, what are you doing here?”_

Hook loomed over the table with a murky expression on his face. His lips were snarled up in a sneer, and the darks of his eyes seemed to overtake any color to them. He reminded Emma of a rattlesnake, coiled and vibrating, ready to strike out at those who he considered threatening. She stood as she spoke to him, and met him dead in the eye with her own serious expression.

He laughed but it was cruel, and Emma winced. “What? A man can’t even talk to his woman in public anymore? I want to talk to you, Emma.”

It was a demand, not a request. Emma’s eyes began shifting around the diner, and Regina watched her and Hook with ire rising in her system. Emma deflated visibly, and she motioned for Hook to follow her outside.

Regina seethed quietly where she sat as she watched them step outside. Her fingers were twitching and her palm was beginning to heat up. Her magic was surging through her veins with a black sting and calling a fireball to her hand that she was only just barely managing to prevent from igniting. She was fighting the urge to burn into Hook’s brain that he in no way owned Emma, thinking that maybe a little fire would sear the message in. But instead she sat and ground her teeth and said nothing. If Emma asked for her help, she would in an instant, but Emma had been robbed of enough agency with her relationship with Hook in general, and Regina refused to compound that. So she remained quiet and still as Emma talked outside the diner with Hook.

* * *

“What, Hook? What did you want to talk about?” Emma huffed as soon as she stepped out of the door at Granny’s. She curled in on herself and crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for whatever would come out of the man’s mouth.

“You’re acting like I’ve come to punish you.” His grin was lascivious and he approached Emma with eyes full of something that wasn’t quite sex but it wasn’t quite not sex either. Maybe it was lust, or power, or lust for power, Emma mused. Whatever it was it caused tendrils of anxiety to unfurl in her chest and her stomach to churn.

“Would you like me to punish you, Swan?” He crept closer and Emma took a step back.

“Cut the crap, Hook. Just tell me what it is you want.” Emma’s voice cut like jagged stone on soft flesh and Hook’s anger flared rampantly again.

“What do I want? I’ll tell you what I bloody want. I want you to start acting like you’re my woman like you said you were.” He spat at her and Emma flinched.

“And when exactly did I say I belong to you, Hook? Because I don’t ever remember that.” Emma hissed back. Her shoulders were drawn so close to herself that they almost touched her ears. Her arms pulled tighter together in front of her chest, and she stepped further away from him. Sparks were flying from Hook’s eyes, like those produced when metal cuts metal and Emma could almost imagine the screeching and the glow just by looking at him. Her heart was beating in her throat and at a thousand miles a minute.

“How about when I sold my ship for you? Or when you came to the Underworld and brought me back? How about everything I’ve done to save you and ridiculous family’s bloody arses all the time!” He shouted, a piece of spittle flying from his mouth.

“Ha!” Emma shouted back derisively, but in a stage whisper. This conversation was public enough without everyone over hearing her. “You mean the times _Regina_ saved our asses! And you, weren't you just trying to kill us again last week?”

In that moment Emma really thought Hook was going to hit her. She unfolded her arms and held her hands up defensively, in an attempt to stop or block any potential blow. But no blow came. Hook was staring at her, rabid expression and face reddening. He stepped closer to Emma, and she stepped away again.

“I swear to all that is unholy if you bring up that woman’s name one more time, you’ll regret it.” He spoke, low and dangerous.

“What are you going to do Hook? You can’t erase her. You can’t erase who she’s become. She’s a hero, she’s a part of my family. She’s not going anywhere.” Emma’s voice was wavering more than she’d like. Her throat was forming a hard lump and little pin pricks of light were forming in her vision.

Hook practically bared his teeth and he reached forward, grabbing one of Emma’s arms with his good hand. She instantly tried to shove him off but he held on tight. “Let go of me, Hook. Now.” She looked back to the window of Granny’s and gulped when she realized that in all the steps Hook had taken towards her and all the steps she had taken away from him, he had cornered her in the alley next the Granny’s and she could no longer see into the diner or be seen by anyone within it.

“No. You’re going to listen to me. I forbid you from going on this trip. I forbid you from spending any time with Regina ever again. You’re going to start acting like my damn bloody girlfriend.” He growled out.

Emma’s eyes went wide. She knew a bad situation when she saw one. She took a deep breath and summoned all her energy. She twisted sharply and whipped them around so that Hook was the one with his back to the wall. Then she pulled away as fast as she could, and used her foot to trip Hook as he tried to follow the motion with her and hold on. Her arm came free and she instantly stepped back away from Hook several feet. He looked up at her from the ground with astonishment and rage.

She knew he would get up again in a split second, so Emma did what she had to do. She always knew when to seize an opportunity.

* * *

Inside the diner, acid was rising in Regina’s throat, and she had a bad feeling about what was happening. She didn’t want their vacation to be derailed before it even started, but more than that she wanted Emma to be okay. Her eyes were fixed on the blonde standing outside the window, while Snow and David murmured quietly to each other.

Emma looked small and defensive, her hackles were clearly raised as she spoke to Hook. He kept stepping closer to her and she kept stepping away. Hooks arms were flailing and Regina could hear shouts, though she couldn’t understand what was being said. She craned her neck as Emma and Hook began backing out of her view from the window. Soon, she couldn’t see them anymore and she began to panic slightly.

She stood from the table and ignored the calls from Henry, Snow, and David asking her where she was going. She marched straight to the door, but when she put her hand on the handle she hesitated. Hadn’t she just decided to let Emma handle this situation herself? To not take any more independence away from her? But it just wasn’t sitting right with her, Emma might be in danger. And Regina would never forgive herself if she let something happen to another person she loved. _Not again_.

So she pulled the door open fiercely and charged outside. She headed in the direction she had seen Emma and Hook move to, but when she turned the sight she was faced with confused her more than anything. Emma was moving swiftly back toward the diner, eyes and face red and hair wild. Hook was storming off in the opposite direction, and even with his back turned to Regina she could tell he was fuming. Honestly she couldn’t care less as she rushed straight to Emma.

When Emma saw Regina running toward her, she couldn’t help but smile big and bright. Regina gaped at her, completely bewildered. She reached out an arm to place gently on Emma’s shoulder, and she started to ask Emma if she was alright, but before the words were out of her mouth, Emma was wrapping her up in a hug so large it lifted Regina right off her feet. Emma was even laughing and Regina had no idea what to do, so she simply clung tightly to Emma and let herself be swung around a little bit. Her heart was thumping and she was melting at the contact and Regina couldn’t fight the smile blossoming on her own face. Emma’s laugh was growing infectious and she found herself chuckling along with the young woman, though she had no clue what for.

Eventually Emma set her down, and Regina needed just a moment to regain her balance once her feet were on solid ground again. She fixed her hair instantly, then adjusted her clothing back to prim perfection. Emma watched her without saying a word, and without dropping her beaming grin.

Regina finally found her voice, and she looked Emma in the eye as she asked breathlessly, “Emma, what on Earth was that? Are you okay?”

Emma’s smile grew impossibly wider, and she shrugged as she answered. “Honestly, I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. Come on, let’s get back to our family.”

Emma grabbed Regina’s hand and led them both back into the diner.

* * *

They all stood in front of Emma’s yellow bug parked on the street outside of the diner. Snow held Neal but she handed the baby to David to be able to pull Emma into a full hug. Emma let her mom hug her, knowing she needed it. She patted Snow’s back and was grateful when the woman didn’t drag the hug out for very long.

“We’ll be back in just a week, Mom.” She reminded gently.

“I know.” Snow replied. “I’m still going to miss you.”

“Me too.” David chimed in and he handed Neal back to Snow so he could wrap his daughter up in a big bear hug. Emma began laughing and thumping David on the back as he engulfed her.

“One week, Dad!” Emma chortled out as he continued to squeeze.

Once the hugs were over for Emma it was Henry’s turn. He accepted his hugs with grace and stood back with a large shit eating grin on his face, as if he knew what was about to happen next. Regina observed him curiously for a second, but soon her attention was pulled to Snow approaching her with arms outstretched. Regina stood paralyzed as the woman embraced her as well, but Snow was unfazed. Eventually, Regina raised her arms to return the hug. It was still a little stiff, and definitely very awkward, but Snow seemed to accept it happily.

Next it was David, and Regina found herself a touch smothered by the man’s size. Her back was ramrod straight, but her posture slowly loosened and she returned this hug as well. She would never admit it to the Charmings, but the fact that they included her in their emotional goodbye was making her heart feel a little less blackened.

When the hugs were over, Regina stepped back and hugged her own middle a little. She smiled shyly at Snow and David and they seemed to understand that she needed to pull away and process a little bit. They thankfully didn’t comment on her sudden bashfulness.

“We really need to get on the road.” Emma said, giving her parents an apologetic smile.

“Okay,” Snow returned the expression kindly, and pulled Emma in for one last hug. “Drive safely, and call us!”

Emma rolled her eyes, but her mother couldn’t see it while she was still hugging her.

“We will, Mom.”

When they finally parted again, Emma quickly moved over to the other side of the car so she wouldn’t get pulled into another hug and be delayed even more. Regina and Henry took this as a cue to get in the car as well. As soon as they were all buckled in, Emma put the car in drive and they began rumbling down the main street of Storybrooke, heading for the road out of town. They waved at Snow and Charming on the sidewalk, and as the couple vanished from their sight, they had officially begun their road trip.

Emma turned to Regina and commented on the time, “Hey, 8:30 on the dot, just like your schedule said we would be leaving!”

Regina smiled pleasantly back at Emma, and she was indeed grateful that despite their hiccup with Hook at the diner they were still completely on schedule. She settled into her seat and prepared herself for the long drive.

“All right, everyone!” Emma cheered, “Off to Cape Cod!”


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the reference to child abuse comes in, so be careful please. It's very mild though. **I got a comment on this chapter by someone who said they had seen it before. This chapter I had previously posted for Swan Queen Week, as a one shot titled An Unplanned Inconvenience. The next several chapters of this story will be other one shots that I had posted for Swan Queen Week with some minor editing, so if they look familiar, that's why. I deleted the one shots because I wanted to turn them into one long cohesive story. Sorry for any confusion!**

Emma’s cheer continued throughout the whole trip. Six hours of driving and the woman’s attitude never soured. Usually after seeing Hook, Emma was somehow different, her demeanor darkening at the presence of the man. But not today, and Regina couldn’t figure out why. It was obvious that Emma and Hook had had a fight earlier, and Hook had stormed off. But what if Regina read the situation wrong? Maybe Emma and the pirate had resolved their issues earlier, and that was why Emma was so delighted. Maybe Emma was happy because she _was_ in love with Hook after all.

Regina had spent the majority of the car ride thinking about all of it constantly, but now her mind was focused on something else entirely. They weren’t moving anymore. An awful traffic jam had brought the yellow bug to a complete standstill for at least twenty minutes. And it was making Regina anxious beyond anything she’d felt in a long time.

Emma drummed her fingers to a rhythm only she could figure out on the steering wheel. Behind her Henry sat in the back seat, headphones in and bopping along to some music. The way he was intently focused on the screen of his phone made Emma sure he was texting Violet.

Regina sat in the front seat next to Emma, shifting in place, flipping through the pages of the carefully scheduled itinerary she had drawn up for their trip, and shaking her head. Emma watched as the woman’s spine became increasingly straight and stiff, and her shoulders drew up in tension.

“Could you stop that awful tapping!” Regina snapped, throwing the schedule in her lap angrily and rounding on Emma, who for her part jumped out of her skin at the sudden shout.

“Care to tell me what’s on your mind?” Emma asked calmly, ignoring the anger in Regina’s voice and her comment altogether.

“Exactly what I said. I can’t take another minute of your childish antics.” Regina returned with a steely voice. Her eyes were committed to what she was saying, but Emma’s inner lie detector pinged regardless.

“Well now we both know that’s not true, cause my steering wheel drum skills are awesome,” Emma smirked, “Come on, what’s up?”

Regina sighed, deflating the anger and the fight out of her with a deep sigh. Unfortunately, her nerves didn’t release with them. She looked to Emma for a moment, deciding whether or not to share, but another thought occurred to her in that moment. She flicked her eyes back to where Henry sat, and chewed the inside of her cheek.

Emma followed the movement of Regina’s eyes, and understood. So she placed a reassuring hand on Regina’s bicep, adding a gentle squeeze before she spoke in a conspiratorial hush, “Hey, I promise he’s not paying any attention to us. He’s wrapped in his own little world right now.”

Regina waited another beat more, but finally she huffed out another sigh and opened her mouth. Nothing came out though as she looked into the emerald eyes of Emma Swan, so she stared out the windshield instead. When she was able to push sound out of her mouth, she spoke as if she would rather not be heard. But Emma was focused solely on her in this moment so she picked up every word.

“Our schedule is going to be thrown off completely.” Regina avoiding mentioning all of her fears and confusion about Hook, honestly not being able to focus on much right now besides the traffic jam.

“Okay. I know it’s not a good feeling to be late. Can you tell me why it’s bad enough to make you this upset?” Emma pressed a little bit, trying not to push Regina too hard, but wanting to make it clear she was willing to listen.

Regina moved to chewing her bottom lip, still looking straight ahead when she admitted, “I can’t be late.”

Emma nodded, believing she understood where this was going. She continued, this time moving her hand to Regina’s shoulder and alternating between squeezing with a light touch, and rubbing circles over the joint and muscle. “What happens when you’re late?”

Regina’s eyes closed tightly as she tilted her head down to face her lap and her hands gripping each other fiercely. She willed images to stay out of her mind as best she could, trying to dodge the onslaught of memories.

“I get punished.” She rasped out hoarsely.

Emma nodded even though Regina couldn’t see it. She continued her ministrations on Regina’s shoulder, hoping to provide even a little comfort. “Cora?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

Regina said nothing, instead she pulled her head up, and opened her eyes at the mention of her mother. She faced Emma and her deep cocoa eyes bored into the blonde’s. She nodded her head curtly, and pulled her chin up as high as she could, determined not to lose face.

Emma gave her a tentative smile. “No one is going to punish you today, Regina.” Emma tried, but it only earned her a sharp eye roll from Regina that caused the woman to turn her head and release Emma’s eyes from the stare.

“I know that,” the brunette replied tersely.

“Right.” Emma sighed, trying to figure best how to help Regina. She focused on her hand still on the other woman’s shoulder for a moment to think, before the proverbial light bulb clicked on.

“Can I see the itinerary?”

Regina looked at her in bemusement, but handed over the packet of their trip scheduled to the minute. Emma began looking through it, though for what Regina had no idea. She waited as her discomfort grew. Uncomfortable with the traffic. Uncomfortable with being trapped in the car. Uncomfortable with being off schedule. Uncomfortable with Emma picking through the itinerary she had created. And finally uncomfortable with not knowing what had happened with Hook and Emma earlier. Her skin began to prickle with it as she continued to watch the blonde.

“Aha!” Emma suddenly cried out. Regina jumped a little at the exclamation, and waited for an explanation, though it wasn’t long. “Here, on Wednesday, you have two hours set aside for an unplanned inconvenience. What is a traffic jam if not an unplanned inconvenience?”

“But we still have to make it to the hotel, Emma!”

“We will, we can check in whenever. And if it makes you feel a little better, we’ll call the hotel and tell them we’ll be checking in a little later than anticipated. But why don’t we just do a little finagling of the itinerary here. That way we’re not late, we’re just moving some things around.” Emma had no idea if this was any kind of solution, but she was willing to try it if it made Regina feel better. The latter woman took the schedule back from Emma and began scrutinizing it.

After long minutes she spoke again, voice cautious, but hopeful. “Well, if we could move the first couple of hours of sightseeing from today to Wednesday midmorning, and use this time for our unplanned inconvenience, then it might work I suppose…” She trailed off in more thought, uncertainty still lacing her tone. “But then, what would we do now? Do you really think it will take us two hours to get through the ten miles to the hotel?”

Emma sat back in her seat to think a little bit. She gazed outside, and something caught her eye. A smile illuminated her face, and she turned to Regina.

“I’ve got it.” She said simply. Regina eyed her in confusion, then turned her head outside to see if she could find whatever it was that Emma saw. The blonde woman’s smile spread to her own face, and she felt some of the anxious tension leaving her muscles.

“That could work.” She added, turning back to Emma.

When the traffic started crawling again a few minutes later, Emma maneuvered into the rightmost lane, and took the nearest exit, driving under the sign that said, ‘Hyde Beach- 1 mile’.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was previously posted by me as a one shot called Your Journey Left Marks (I decided to keep the name for the full story!) so if you feel deja vu while you're reading it, that's why! The next several chapters will be like this as well, because I am taking my Swan Queen Week stories that I had previously connected and turning them into this whole long story.

Gravel crunched under the wheels of bug as they drove down the little path to the beach. The dunes were looming in front of them as they passed grass half as tall as the car. Henry finally pulled his head away from the screen of his phone and looked at their new surroundings.

“What? When did we get off the highway and why are we at the beach?” His voice seemed to be getting deeper with each passing day.

“We just exited, kid. And we’re going to wait out the traffic jam on the beach!” Emma replied excitedly as she turned the car into the parking lot for the beach and pulled into a space. Henry shrugged, trying to maintain his adolescent indifference, but when Emma turned around she could see a smile tugging at his lips. She pretended not to notice, but she deliberately caught Regina’s eye and winked, jerking her head subtly in the direction of their son. The brunette saw a glimpse of the boy’s smiling face and turned back to beam at Emma. There was a touch of gratitude to Regina’s smile; for easing her worries about the schedule, and for making Henry smile.

Emma undid her seatbelt and Regina did the same, both women standing from the car. Henry clambered out of the backseat right after, and all three enjoyed the opportunity to stretch their legs and be out of the cramped bug. But Emma quickly clapped her hands together, ready to get down to the business of a beach break. She moved to the back of the car and motioned for the others to follow.

“Come on! Let’s get our suits.”

She popped the trunk, and began pulling out suitcases. She handed Henry his duffel, and pulled out her own. Regina grabbed for her Louis Vuitton wheeled suitcase, but she left it in the car, not wanting to set it in the sand and the gravel. Regina and Henry quickly dug out their swimsuits, and Regina found the beach towels she had stashed in the tote she had designated for the beach. When they looked over to Emma, though, she was digging furiously in her duffel bag with a look of consternation. Henry watched her curiously, then turned to Regina for an explanation. She couldn’t provide any so she simply shrugged. “

Henry, darling, why don’t you go down to the changing stalls? We’ll catch up.” Regina suggested.

Henry nodded his assent but he lingered a moment to observe Emma with worry in his eyes. Regina gave him her best encouraging smile and nodded him along his way. When Henry had departed, Regina set her hand on Emma’s shoulder, causing the woman to come to an abrupt halt, and bringing them full circle from their moment in the car.

“Is everything alright?” she questioned softly.

“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine.” Emma tried to brush off whatever was on her mind, and threw Regina a lopsided smile, but it lacked its Swan charm to it. She didn’t give Regina a chance to ask any further as she slipped on her flip flops and made her way down to the beach with her suit in hand. Regina pursed her lips but followed after the blonde woman.

They quickly found the wooden stalls at the top of the beach and each woman slipped into her own stall. Regina quickly shucked her day clothes; designer jeans, and a simple black v neck tee that she had complimented with cherry red lipstick and a gold necklace. She placed those and her underwear in her tote and pulled on her suit. It was a patternless clean white bikini, and she knew she looked damn good in it. The white contrasted beautifully with her olive skin, and it showed off her curves tantalizingly enough but without being immodest to the point she felt uncomfortable wearing it in front of her son. She exited her stall, and seeing Emma’s door was still closed, she decided to wait.

“Emma, I’ll be right outside whenever you’re ready.” She called out, and heard a quiet “okay” from the savior in response. Regina turned around and began observing everyone on the beach. There were children playing, running, building sandcastles. Teens were standing in groups laughing and talking. Her own teen had made his way down to the water and was wading in. She longed to shout to him. _Watch out for the undertow! Don’t go too far out!_ But she bit her lip hard and focused on trusting him.

After several long minutes of people watching, she realized she hadn’t heard a peep from Emma yet. She turned back to the stall and rapped on the wooden door with her knuckles before raising her voice loud enough to be heard over the noise from the beach. “Are you alright, Emma?”

“Fine!” came the quick reply. But Emma’s voice was taut and an octave too high for normal, so this time Regina didn’t relent.

“Are you sure? You’ve been in there for a while.” She tried again.

For a long moment, nothing happened. Emma made no noise, either to move or to speak. Just as Regina was sure she was going to be ignored, there was a shuffling of feet and the door to Emma’s stall cracked open a bit and she motioned for Regina to come inside. She snuck in smoothly, cheeks burning a little red at the thought of what it might look like to anyone who saw her entering into someone else’s stall.

When she got inside, the view she was confronted with stirred her a little. Emma was wearing a bikini as well, designed in the style of the American flag. It was covered on top by a thin white tank top, but it was easy enough to discern the pattern. One side of the top was decorated with white stars on navy blue, and the other side bright red and white stripes. The bottoms were more of the same, though only bearing the stars and navy blue this time. It made Regina’s throat go dry, and her eyes swept down long lean legs that were bare to her.

“Could you stop staring at me please?” Emma’s voice rung defiant, but Regina didn’t miss the note of desperation as well. Sheepishly she looked up to Emma, and nodded her head in an unspoken apology. Silently, Regina cursed herself. _She’s your friend. She’s just your friend, don’t ruin this_.

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.” Emma sighed, and Regina quirked a brow to prompt an explanation. Tilting her head back as if bargaining with some sort of deity, Emma ran her hands through her hair. Regina waited in silence. Finally, Emma relented and gave more information. “You see it’s like this. I thought I packed some of my one piece suits, but I guess it escaped me, because I only have bikinis with me. And at first I panicked, but I just figured I’d grab a shirt to throw over it, but all of my tank tops are going to ride up my stomach while I’m out there.”

Regina still wasn’t quite so sure why this was a problem, and the only thing that occurred to her didn’t really explain why Emma would be so on edge. Still she had nothing to go on so she asked, “Are you concerned about sunburn? Your skin is very fair, but I have SPF90 with me. I always make sure Henry wears it, his skin is as fair as yours. I can help you get some on your back.” Regina tried not to think too hard about what it would be like to rub sunscreen into Emma’s creamy white skin as she spoke, but the visual was coming to her mind anyways, and she gulped.

For a second Emma’s face screwed up in frustrated bemusement, “What? No, I’m not worried about sunburn.” A beat, and then, “Well, you have a point there, and I kind of do have to watch out for burns so yes I will take you up on that offer, but that’s not what I was talking about.” Regina blinked, and tried to return the patience Emma showed her when she was anxious in the car earlier.

“Okay. So what were you talking about then?” When Regina saw a few tears starting to build in Emma’s eyes she swallowed hard, wondering what was about to be said. But after all, Emma said nothing. She desolately lifted her tank top, revealing her stomach. Regina gazed at the newly exposed flesh. Understanding began to alight inside her as she saw what must have been making Emma so upset. Dark purple marks ran in vertical lines along the blonde woman’s lower abdomen, some disappearing into her bikini bottoms. Regina unconsciously took a step closer to Emma.

“Henry?” she spoke in a hoarse whisper.

Emma nodded, but Regina’s eyes were drawn to the stretchmarks, so she voiced her affirmation. “Yes.”

Beginning to squirm under the attention, Emma swiftly pulled her shirt back down. Regina snapped her focus back to Emma’s eyes, but what the other woman didn’t expect was to see a tearful smile upon Regina’s face. Covering her stomach with her arms folded together over it, Emma’s discomfort began to turn into irritability.

“Why are you smiling? They’re awful. I’ve tried everything, all the creams, all the herbal remedies. The doctor said they would fade naturally over time, but they’re still there.”

“They’re beautiful, Emma.” Regina spoke in awe. Emma simply scoffed, and turned her head away. Regina took another step closer to Emma until she could reach out and gently turn the woman’s head to face her again. When she did, Emma’s green eyes were teeming with doubt. “No I mean it, Emma. Those marks are a part of your journey, and Henry’s journey. Your body carried our son into this world, your body grew and changed around him to give him life, and that is beautiful.” Regina insisted, never letting Emma’s eyes break contact with her own.

Emma swallowed hard and wiped a few errant tears away with the flat of her fingers. She looked down to her feet, and that was when Regina realized how close she was to Emma. _One move of my head, just a few inches, and we could kiss._

Regina fought the urge to sigh. She closed her eyes tight and tried to will the thoughts away. She watched as Emma picked her head up and offered her best, albeit wobbliest, smile. Regina returned the smile and patted Emma’s arm softly. She wasn’t sure what she was doing, but she decided to take Emma by the hand. _Friends hold hands, right?_

“Do you want to go out onto the beach?” She asked, prepared to go back to the car if need be.

“Yes, I’ll never live it down if I don’t beat our son in a splash fight.” Emma winked and Regina chuckled.

“You’re a child,” Regina never missed an opportunity to inform Emma of this, but it had long ago lost its bite. Emma smiled smugly and squeezed Regina’s hand in hers. Regina playfully rolled her eyes, and both women stepped out onto the beach together.


	10. Chapter Nine

Their hour on the beach passed all too quickly. Emma and Henry had had their splash fight. When Henry was younger, she’d had the height advantage on him in their water wars. But now as he had grown so much into a young man, she was no longer taller than him. But she had won through sheer relentless determination, and a little bit of luck. The kid might be taller these days, but he was rapidly growing into not just a young man, but a gangly, uncoordinated teenager. So in retreating, he had tripped over his own feet and landed on his rump in the shallow water. As soon as Emma was sure he was alright, she took her opportunity to splash wave over wave of water at him until he had shouted his surrender.

Emma had thrown her arms in the air singing _We Are the Champions,_ and running up onto the beach to boast her victory to Regina. The darker haired woman, for her part, pretended to have ignored the show. Emma saw right through her though, and called her on it.

“Come on, Regina, we both know you’d never take your eyes off of Henry in the water in case you have to dive in after him.” She had teased.

Regina had ground her teeth and leveled Emma with a hard glare, “Do you mean to make me feel guilty for watching over my son, Miss Swan?”

Emma had given Regina a worried glance before plopping herself gracelessly onto the sand next to the towel Regina sat on.

“No, of course not. I love your protective mama bear mode.”

Regina had offered Emma a tiny smile, followed by a wink that left the blonde a little stunned, and Henry had chosen the next moment to come running up to his mothers and declare that he was hungry.

Not long after that they began to pack up their things. Emma had laughed and smiled on the beach, she had taken to the water and participated in several juvenile games with their son. But Regina didn’t miss Emma’s reluctance to stand out of the water, her constant tugging at the bottom of her tank top, and the fact that she often placed her hands over her lower belly where the stretch marks resided. As Regina watched Emma make her way to the changing stalls she could see tension locked muscles begin to unbunch.

After they had all gotten changed and were heading for the car, Regina began to notice something else off about Emma. Despite the sunscreen she had helped the woman apply, her pale skin had turned bright red on her shoulders and face. Her nose was burned, and the redness flared out onto her cheeks as well.

But the burn wasn’t all. Emma seemed to be a little unsteady as she walked, one hand gripping at her head, and another at her stomach. Watching all this, Regina helped Henry load the last things into the back of the car, and then approached her friend.

“Emma, perhaps I should drive?” Expecting a fight, and several choruses of _I’m fine, Regina,_ the brunette was surprised when Emma simply nodded her head and handed over the keys. Deciding it might be best to help the woman into the seat even, Regina made sure everyone was safely bundled into the car. She situated herself in the driver’s seat and attempted to get the feel for the car. Thanking the gods she knew how to drive stick, Regina put the car in gear and began the short but winding drive back to the highway.

Fortunately, the traffic had mostly passed when they got back on the road, and the drive to the hotel was easy enough. Emma slumped down in her seat and tilted her head back on the rest with her eyes closed for the short distance. When they reached the hotel, Henry immediately asked about food again, and Emma’s stomach rolled a little at the thought.

“Don’t worry, Henry, we’ll get you something to eat, but first we’ve got to put your mother to bed.” Regina responded, her unease growing.

“What’s wrong, Ma?” Henry asked, forgetting about food and shifting his focus to his mother.

“I’ll be fine kid. I’m just a little under the weather at the moment. No need to worry.” The hard set grimace on Emma’s face as she spoke was far from convincing though, and Henry began to chew his bottom lip before turning to his mom with wide hazel eyes.

Regina offered a smile before she stepped out of the car, and began to unload their things. Henry followed suit and helped her carry the bags, but as they were pulling them out he stopped to ask, “Is Ma really going to be okay?”

“Oh, Henry,” Regina sighed out, putting down the bags in her hands and moving to cup her son’s face. He may be growing older, but he was still a boy. A boy who had seen too much of loss and terror, magic and tragedy overwhelming his childhood, maturing him much faster than it had a right to. “You’ve spent far too much time fretting over your mothers, haven’t you?”

Henry shrugged, trying to ignore the gnawing anxiety in his gut, but Regina quickly soothed it. His mom always soothed.

“Yes, she will be just fine. I believe she just got a little bit too much sun today. Once she sleeps it off, she should be right as rain again.” Regina smiled and nodded reassuringly, still holding onto her son’s cheeks.

She didn’t let go until the boy cracked a smile in return, and murmured, “Okay, Mom.”

“Okay,” she repeated with her face overtaken by fondness, her eyes and mouth alight in a smile only for Henry. She placed a kiss to his forehead, knowing that as he continues to develop into adolescence these moments will become fewer and further between.

Together, they gathered up all the bags again. Emma, having finally hauled herself out of the car, argued that she could carry her own stuff. Regina and Henry staunchly refused. They said nothing, but simply gave her identical glares with quirked brows. The message was clear; _We’re taking care of you whether you like it or not_.

Emma huffed, for a moment she appeared as though she might stomp her foot like a child but she lacked the energy entirely. She relented begrudgingly, and traipsed after her family into the hotel.

They settled into the room as quickly as they could. They had deliberately chosen conjoining rooms, so that Henry might have a little privacy instead of spending the entire week cramped into one confined space with his mothers. So as soon as Regina was sure he was all set and comfortable in his room, she returned her focus to Emma.

The blonde had slumped herself into an armchair in the room next to one of the double beds. Her eyes were shut and her face was twisted up in discomfort. Regina approached her quietly before softly speaking her name. Despite her attempts to do the opposite, the sound startled Emma a little, and she jumped in the chair.

“It’s just me, Emma.” Regina cooed, maternal nature taking over. Reaching for one of the water bottles they had packed for the car ride, Regina uncapped it and tucked it into Emma’s hand, not letting go until she was sure she had a firm grip on the bottle.

Emma looked at her in confusion, and Regina fought the urge to press her face into her palm. “Drink some, Emma. You need to rehydrate.”

Emma shook her head however, and groaned out, “I can’t, I’m so nauseous.”

“I know, honey,” Regina spoke, ignoring her own internal flare of panic at the term of endearment, and grateful that Emma didn’t seem to have noticed. “I know,” she amended, “but I promise you’ll feel better if you have a little water.”

“What’s wrong with me?” Emma asked with weak voice and stinging eyes.

“You have sun sickness, dear. Too much time in the sun, I’m afraid.” Regina responded.

Emma whined a little in reply, then looked at the water in her hands treacherously. She took a hesitant sip. When it didn’t roll in her stomach immediately, she took a few more. But soon she felt too full of liquid, and too exhausted to continue. Regina accepted this, silently promising she’d get Emma to drink more later on.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Regina urged gently.

Emma tried to protest, “It’s only four in the afternoon.”

“I know, but you need to rest.” Regina replied, as she began to remove Emma’s tennis shoes.

“But your schedule,” Emma insisted.

“Never mind about the schedule, Emma.” Regina hushed gently.

Longing for nothing other than sleep at the moment, Emma eventually grumbled her approval. Regina helped the younger woman to stand to her feet, and half assisted, half dragged her over to the bed. Emma flopped herself onto the mattress face first, almost tripping Regina by accident and pulling her down with her. Regina righted herself immediately, cheeks flaming red. She straightened out her shirt and huffed a little at the indecency, and a little more at the surge of excitement it had sent through her.

Emma, gratefully, was oblivious to what had passed and to Regina’s reaction. Regina allowed herself a moment to observe the blonde with an unguarded expression, and her lips tugged into a smile that seeped into all her muscles and shone through her eyes. Realizing how foolish she must look, Regina quickly schooled her features back to impassive and crossed the room to dim the lights.

When she reached the switch, she heard grunting and movement from Emma’s direction so she turned in confusion after dialing the lights down. When she did, she was met with the image of Emma wiggling on the bed awkwardly with her hands at her hips attempting to tug at the material of her pants.

“What on Earth are you doing?” Regina questioned, bemusement lacing her tone, walking back over to Emma.

“Can’t sleep in pants.” Emma muttered into the pillow of the bed and Regina had to strain to understand it. She rolled her eyes and lightly grabbed onto the blonde’s wrists, halting her movements.

“Well you’ll never get them off like that. Here, roll over, I’ll help you.”

Regina gulped, and her tongue felt a little thick when she realized what she was offering. _This won’t be embarrassing at all._

Clenching her jaw tightly, Regina helped the woman before her roll onto her back. With trembling fingers, she popped the button and undid the zip of the jeans. She tried to speak but what came out first was a voice crack that reminded her of her son’s changing voice, followed by a hoarse whisper. She cleared her throat and tried again.

“Lift your hips, Emma.”

Emma did as she was told, and Regina began the chore of peeling off the skin tight denim. The jeans inverted themselves in the process, but Regina was just happy to have completed the task with minimal mortification. She tried not to stare at Emma’s bright red cotton panties, and instead ended up continually flicking her eyes away every time she caught herself looking.

Once she had gotten Emma tucked under the covers, she breathed a sigh of relief. She folded Emma’s jeans, pulling them rightside-out again, and left them on the chair. Before she was even able to finish this task, she heard the soft snuffles of Emma’s breathing indicating the woman had finally fallen asleep. Regina watched for moment to make sure Emma stayed asleep, then slipped through the door to get Henry and find him something to eat.


	11. Chapter Ten

Henry sat in his room, munching on the pickle that came with the sandwich he had rapidly devoured as soon as his mom had procured it for him. Regina had demanded he slow down as she watched him practically inhale his food. He had looked at her with cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk, filled with food, and gave her a guilty smile before swallowing some of the food in his mouth and slowing his pace a bit.

Now as he chomped the last bit of pickle, he was watching his mom curiously. He had flipped on the Olympics when they got back to the room, and at first he was instantly engrossed in the games. Normally his mom was too. It was one of their traditions, to watch the games together and root for their favorite athletes. But today instead of laughing and cheering with Henry, Regina’s eyes repeatedly flicked back to the door that led to her and Emma’s room.

“Hey Mom, it’s okay, you can go check on Ma if you want to. Besides, she might need something.” Henry offered, knowing that she was itching to care for the blonde woman but only holding back to spend time with her son.

At first Regina resisted, “No, that’s alright, Henry. I want to watch the Olympics with you.”

“It’s okay, Mom. They’re switching to the news now anyways. I’d rather just relax and read a book if that’s okay.” Henry insisted.

“Oh. Well, alright then.” Regina spoke as she stood, sounding unsure still. Henry switched off the TV and started looking for his book in the luggage that he had yet to unpack, hoping that would encourage his mom to go check on Emma like she wanted. Regina watched her boy with a soft smile on her face, and after a moment she walked to him and embraced him. She never failed to be amazed at his unending compassion, and often wondered how she could have ever been lucky enough to have this beautiful child as a son. She pulled away from the hug and looked him over to be sure he would be alright.

“Nothing gets by you, does it?” She questioned, already knowing what his answer would be.

“Nope.” He smiled cheekily and she chuckled a little. She pressed a kiss to his forehead for the second time this day and released him. He continued with, “Now go take care of Ma like we both know you want to.”

Regina laughed lightly again, and released her son. Henry dropped himself onto his bed and cracked open his book, losing himself in it immediately. Regina took a deep breath and opened the door to her room.

When she stepped through the threshold, all she saw of Emma was a pile of blonde hair sticking out from a mound of blankets and pillows. Regina had turned the air conditioning in the room down a few degrees to help Emma cool off, and she supposed it was working. She even felt a little chilly herself, but ignored it in favor of walking over to Emma.

When she approached the blanket pile, Emma rolled over to face her and snorted a little in her sleep, scrunching her nose up when long blonde hair tickled it. Regina rolled her eyes, but not one trace of contempt would be found in the expression if anyone looked for it. She decided it was best to let Emma sleep without disturbing her, so she sat in the chair by the bed and settled in.

After twenty minutes of Emma’s snuffling and the occasional snort, Regina thought she should get her own book and read until Emma woke again. She stood from the chair and took one step toward her luggage before she heard a small whine, followed by a murmur that sounded like an attempt at words. Regina leaned closer and tried to make out what Emma was saying.

When Emma said nothing again, Regina spoke, “What was that, dear? Did you say something?”

Emma tried again, and this time it was more intelligible. “R’gina.”

Regina blinked and just looked at Emma. “I’m right here, Emma.”

“Stay.” Emma continued to mumble.

Regina placed her hand on what she hoped was Emma’s arm underneath all the blankets. “I’m not going anywhere, honey.” _Damnit._ Regina cursed. _You have to stop that_.

“No, stay.” Emma insisted, this time reaching for Regina’s hand and tugging her gently towards the bed. Regina sucked in a sharp breath, and clenched her jaw tightly, beginning to look around the room in panic. For a moment she thought she might refuse, but then Emma squeezed her hand and tugged just a little more, whispering, “Please.”

Regina swallowed thickly, and she knew she couldn’t deny the blonde anything. So she murmured her assent to Emma, and slipped off her shoes. Emma shuffled over from the edge of the bed and made room for Regina, holding the blankets open to invite her to burrow into them with her. It was then that Regina remembered that Emma wasn’t wearing any pants. She closed her eyes, and asked for mercy, before sliding into the bed next to Emma, maintaining almost a foot of space between them.

Emma seemed content like that for a little while, holding tight to Regina’s hand and quickly drifting back to sleep. Regina released a pent up breath, and began studying Emma’s sleeping face. She’d never seen the savior sleep before. Emma Swan, lost girl, orphan, princess, savior, sheriff, mother; she bore those titles she never asked for, with the exception of being Henry’s mother, even into her sleep it seemed. Her brow furrowed in, and her eyes occasionally squeezed tightly closed before releasing again. She appeared as though she was attempting to speak, and though her lips moved to form words, sentences, pleas, no sound came out.

Regina found her heart breaking, that this woman found no relief even in sleep. But she supposed she was no one to comment, having been told by Henry that she sleeps stiffly with her arms crossed over her chest. But still, she couldn’t help becoming a little angry at the world around them for trapping them both in positions they never desired, in people that they never wanted to be. As her own brow furrowed and her tension began to grow, Emma snorted again, and Regina couldn’t help the smile creeping into her features at the noise. _Of course_ Emma Swan of all people would snort like a horse in her sleep.

Regina sighed, studiously working through the steps Archie taught her to manage her anger at the world. When she felt calm enough again, she returned to observing Emma’s features. Her brow was still tightly drawn together, and without thinking, Regina reached out and began massaging the muscle with her thumb. After a moment, the crinkled brow began to smooth and relax. Emma sighed deeply, and some of her tension seemed to abate. It was also that moment, however, that Emma decided to snuggle close to Regina, closing the gap between their bodies.

As soon as Emma’s body pressed against her own, Regina gasped a little. She felt the bare, smooth skin of Emma’s calf against her foot and she closed her eyes at the sensation of tingling that shocked through her spine at the contact. Before she knew it Emma had burrowed her head into Regina’s breasts and made herself a pillow there. Regina blinked a few times, trying to process the overwhelming emotions swirling in her gut. She felt so pleasantly warm, a thrill was pumping through her system, but guilt wasn’t far behind it. Emma was cuddling her unconsciously, but who’s to say she actually wished for Regina to be the one she was pressed against?

Regina chewed her lip and fretted as Emma entangled herself more into an embrace with Regina. She tucked one leg between Regina’s calves, not high enough to be obscene, but just enough to snare their legs together. She wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist and buried her face even deeper into Regina’s chest.

Regina felt like the stuffed dinosaur Henry had clung to in his sleeping and waking hours when he was a small child. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and she was surprised the hammering of the muscle against her rib cage wasn’t waking Emma. She was uncertain what to do, not wanting to take advantage of Emma’s sun sick slumber, but also desperately longing for the warmth of holding another body, of holding Emma.

“’gina” Emma mumbled in her sleep, and Regina’s heart sped up even more. Hearing her name spoken broke her restraint, and she wrapped her own arms around Emma’s shoulders, and tucked her chin on top of blonde locks. Emma seemed to relax into the hold even more, and Regina wasn’t willing to get her hopes up by believing it was because of anything she did. So instead she closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment of peace.

Her breaths were moving in sync with Emma’s, the younger woman’s chest would push against Regina’s stomach as she breathed in, while her head was lifted by the expanding of Regina’s lungs. As she counted the breaths, Regina began to feel herself being pulled into slumber as well. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she let herself fall asleep.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Emma slept a lot. A lot. Regina had succumbed to a nap with her, but woke after a little over an hour. When she did wake, Emma was still clinging to her like a koala. And frankly it was a lie to say Regina wasn’t clinging right back. However, she happened to tell herself that lie, and instantly upon waking up, she attempted to disentangle herself. But Emma complained in her sleep as Regina pulled away; she whined and grabbed on tighter to the brunette. Not able to be yet another person who removed herself from Emma’s grasp when she needed someone, Regina sighed and settled back into the snuggle.

Without the haze of sleep to distract her, Regina felt her heart begin to race again, along with the compunction settling in. What would Emma think if she woke to find herself in Regina’s arms? Would she be afraid? Would she be disgusted? Would she think it was funny? Each option made Regina’s eyes sting and stomach sink.

For almost another hour, Regina remained, growing more and more anxious. She was hyperaware of every place her body connected with Emma’s, relishing the feeling and hating herself for it. Eventually her nose started to itch, and she just didn’t have the energy to actively hate herself anymore in that moment. So she huffed and began wiggling around in an attempt to free up a hand to scratch her nose with. The motion, however, seemed to jostle Emma awake.

The blonde lifted her head up slowly, eyes still blinking heavily with sleep. “Regina?”

Regina froze. Worse than a deer in headlights, she was an ice sculpture, one of Elsa’s victims; frozen to the core. Her deep brown eyes were wide open, and her mouth had snapped shut so quickly the _click_ of her teeth was audible. Emma’s brow resumed its furrowed position, this time in bemusement rather than stress.

“Are you okay?” she asked, drawing out the last syllable to emphasize how off she found Regina’s behavior. At Emma’s voice, Regina seemed to flip a switch in her brain that allowed her to operate again.

“Ah, yes, I am. Are _you_ okay? You’re the one who’s sick.” Regina returned, trying to shift the focus from her embarrassment to her concern for Emma.

“I don’t know. I feel better after some sleep. But my mouth feels really dry and my head still hurts. Also I feel almost as tired as I was after I gave birth to Henry. So, maybe I’m not so great still?” Emma contemplated out loud.

“I suspect you’ll feel that way until tomorrow morning.” Regina supplied. She pressed the back of her hand to Emma’s forehead to check if she was exhibiting any signs of a fever.

“Ugh. Great.” Emma grumbled.

“You’ll feel a little better if you drink some more water. Come on, sit up.” Regina encouraged gently. She felt better being back in comfortable territory. Taking care of the ones she loved, that was something she could do with ease.

Emma moved to sit, and that seemed to be the first moment that she realized the position she and Regina were in. But to Regina’s surprise, Emma wasn’t startled one bit by it. She simply shrugged and began untangling their legs. Regina’s cheeks were flaming almost as red as Emma’s sunburned ones, and she was dumbfounded that Emma wasn’t in the least bit concerned with waking up wrapped around _Regina_ of all people. She couldn’t quite take it, doubt and anxiety bubbling like a pressure tank in her chest until she couldn’t cap it off anymore and it burst out.

“You’re not surprised at all?” She asked incredulously. Emma looked to her, halting her motions and blinking in confusion.

“Surprised at what?” She asked, looking around the room half expecting a clown to pop out of the closet or something.

“This!” Regina flubbed out, gesturing to their still tangled bodies. Emma followed the gesture and realization filled her eyes at what Regina meant. But that was quickly swept away by Emma’s returning bemusement and nonchalance.

“Oh. Sorry about that, I get clingy when I’m sick.” Emma shrugged.

“Well…oh.” Regina’s voice sounded a little hollow. She was at the same time, relieved and crushed.

But Emma seemed to pick up on the latter, and she grew concerned. “I’m so sorry, Regina, I didn’t mean to, I don’t know, force cuddles on you. I’m really sorry if you didn’t want it, I swear if I knew what I was doing I wouldn’t have, well done anything I guess.” As Emma rushed out her apology, she quickly pulled herself and all her limbs from Regina’s, reinstating the foot wide demilitarized zone between them.

“Emma, please don’t fret over that.” Regina reassured immediately, cutting off any further rambling from the blonde. “We’re both grown adults, a little unintentional cuddling is no big deal.”

“Right,” Emma instantly latched onto the out that Regina had given her, eyes alighting with relief, “Yeah, right. Still, I’m sorry. It’s like I said, I just get like that when I’m sick sometimes. But, in the future I’ll try to refrain from turning you into a human body pillow.” Emma rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke sheepishly.

_If I had known what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done it._  

Emma’s words rang through Regina’s mind as she replied, “Right. Thank you. I would appreciate that.” Her voice rasped as she spoke, and she prayed Emma didn’t notice.

_If I had known what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done it._

Regina extricated herself from the bed, and grabbed the water bottle from the bedside table. She handed it to Emma, and instructed her to drink again. Regina insisted that Emma drink as much as she could tolerate, and Emma managed to make it through half of the bottle before she said she was nauseous again, and wanted to go back to sleep. Regina made Emma take two ibuprofen before she fell asleep again.

After Emma drifted back to sleep, she went to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. She wet the cloth with cool water, and placed it over Emma’s forehead as she slept. When the cloth landed on her forehead and over her eyes, Emma smiled a little, and Regina’s chest ached at the sight. She sighed as she turned to the door to exit into Henry’s room. She paused and took a deep breath, willing her eyes not to tear, before she lifted her hand and knocked quietly on her son’s door. When his soft cry of “Come in.” sounded out, she pushed the door open and left Emma to sleep in solitude once more.

_If I had known what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done it_.

* * *

As soon as his mom walked through the door into his room, he spotted something off. She seemed upset, and his first instinct was to try to make it better. He put his book down, and sat up fully in his bed.

“Hey.” Henry spoke a little too cheerfully, hoping he could brighten his mom up just by being sunny himself. But when she returned his greeting with a quiet “Hello.” and a small smile, he knew what to do. So he jumped off his bed, marched up to his mom and pulled her into a bear hug. He had gotten tall enough to rest his chin on her shoulder, and his arms were long enough to completely engulf her in the hug.

“I love you, Mom.” He spoke, adding a kiss to her cheek for good measure. He didn’t pull away for a long moment, but when he did he saw the smile on his mom’s face had grown into his special smile.

“What was that for, Henry?” Regina questioned, still smiling.

Henry shrugged, “You looked like you needed it.”

Regina swiftly side stepped his comment, in favor of teasing him a little. “Well look at you, Mr. Teenager, hugging his mom three times in one day.”

Henry just rolled his eyes and let himself fall butt first onto the foot of his bed. Regina took a seat where she was before while they were watching the Olympic games. She didn’t say anything, and Henry watched as her smile got sadder again.

“How’s Ma?” He interrupted whatever was going on in her head.

“Oh she’s alright. She’s very exhausted though, she’ll probably sleep straight through until morning. But I’ve gotten her to drink some water which will help her, and the ibuprofen.” Regina responded, obviously trying to assuage any worry Henry might have.

As Henry watched her talk, he noticed something he’s seen in his mom’s eyes before. This kind of overwhelming adoration and softness, mixed with sadness. He’d seen it in her when she had told him about her first love, Daniel. Years before Henry discovered the curse, he had one day asked his mom why his middle name was Daniel, and she had told him the story of how she had loved and lost her Daniel when she was still a girl.

For weeks, maybe months now, Henry had seen that same look flit across his brunette mother’s features. And it was here again now as he regarded her. Except this time it was laced with worry as well. Henry was convinced he knew what was going on in Regina’s head, but Emma, she was harder to figure out. Regina was the queen; and the queen of masked expressions. But her Achilles heel was her capacity to love. Once she loved someone, it became so enormous, she couldn’t quite contain it. Emma, however, had spent so long being unloved and having no one to love in turn, the woman had no idea how to process her emotions, much less emote them. Henry honestly didn’t know what kind of love she felt for Regina.

“Hey Mom?” he piped up.

Regina turned to look at him, instantly giving him her full attention. “Yes, Henry?”

“If I ask you something, do you promise not to get mad?” Regina narrowed her eyes at her son and leaned a little closer to him. “I make no promises, depending on what you ask.”

Henry had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. His mom may have been a fierce villain in her past, but when it came to dealings with her son she was as harmless as a bunny rabbit. Make no mistake, she was a disciplinarian when need be, but rarely had he incited her ire by coming to her with a question.

“Are you ever going to tell Ma you’re in love with her?”

“What?” Regina sputtered immediately. If she had been taking a drink at that moment she would have spit it all over the boy. “Henry, that’s absurd!”

“Why?” he asked plainly.

“Why?” Regina almost shouted in surprise, not anger. She looked back to the room where Emma slept in alarm, praying that she hadn’t woken the woman. Or more, that she hadn’t heard what Henry said. “It’s absurd because-“ Regina stopped for a second in panic, reaching for a reason why it could be so far out of the norm that she might be in love with Emma Swan. “Because she’s your birth mother, Henry. We’re your co parents. I mean we’re friends, and yes we care about each other, but you’re just way off, Henry.”

“So it’s absurd because you’re my moms?” Henry asked as though he was trying to point out an obvious flaw in his mother’s logic.

“Yes, exactly.” Regina stated, hoping to convey that she had put his ridiculous notion to rest. But Henry wasn’t buying it.

“So what you’re saying, is that it is absurd for two parents of the same child to be in love, that friends are not capable of falling in love, and that caring for someone can’t grow into love for someone?” Henry asked, incredulity dripping off his tongue. Regina damned herself for raising a son that was so very much like herself that he had picked up her interrogation technique.

“Of course it’s possible, Henry. But not for Emma and me. That’s why it’s absurd. And that’s final.” Regina’s tone made it clear that she was no longer willing to discuss the topic.

“Mom, please don’t shut me down like that. You promised you wouldn’t lie to me. And what’s worse is I think you don’t even think you’re lying to me because you’re lying to yourself. You love her, Mom!” Henry’s voice began to rise a little with his conviction as he spoke.

Regina’s cheeks turned deep crimson for the umpteenth time today, and she instantly shushed him. “Henry, be quiet! Your mother is still sleeping.”

“And what, you’re afraid she’ll hear that you’re in love with her?” Henry retorted with too much of her own sass for Regina’s liking.

“You watch your tone, young man.” Regina’s voice grew low and dangerous, “I will not be spoken to like that. Especially not by my son.”

Henry clenched his jaw and scrunched his face, his eyes were laced with guilt, but it couldn’t quite tamp down the fervor growing in his chest to convince his mom this was right in front of her. He cast his eyes and chin to the side to avoid eye contact, until he looked chastised and as though he was about to protest in the same breath.

Eventually protestation won out, and he turned fierce, passionate eyes back to his mother. “But Mom, it could be amazing. We could be a real family, I could have two parents in love and we could always be together!”

Regina dropped her head into her hands, perching her elbows on her thighs and leaning forward. After a long beat of silence, she lifted her head and looked Henry straight in the eyes. It was times like these when she remembered just how young and naïve he still was. She waited until she was sure she had her son’s undivided attention.

“Henry, I know you don’t understand this, but this is so much more complicated than what I want, or even what you want. This is real, this is people’s lives and emotions, and I have to make sure I protect everyone’s. This simply can’t happen, Henry.” She tried to exude patience in explaining this to him, but he seemed to grow increasingly frustrated.

“I know you’re upset, but you’ll understand this more someday.” Regina spoke, hoping to put an end to this conversation.

Henry pulled his head back and rolled his eyes heavily, “That’s bulls-“

He dropped into dead silence when his mom’s eyes leveled on him, furious and warning him not to finish his word. He gulped heavily and pulled his face into a contrite expression. “I’m sorry, Mom. That was uncalled for.”

She nodded her head sharply, and stood. “It was. I forgive you. But I think this conversation is done Henry.”

Surprised, Henry jumped to his feet after her. “Wait, what?” He exclaimed. “Mom, why are you running from this? Why are you scared?”

“Enough!” Regina called, pulling out the tone of voice that had always instantly halted any of Henry’s misbehavior as a child. His eyes went wide in response, and he snapped his mouth shut, knowing his mom had finished entertaining this talk.

“I love you, Henry.” Regina said as she walked to the door, never once had she left an argument with her son without telling him she loved him. She waited for him to reply with her hand on the doorknob, back to her son.

“I love you too, Mom.” He said quietly, still upset. Regina nodded more to herself than anyone, then opened the door and exited into the hotel hallway.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Regina sighed heavily before she slid the card key into its slot to open the door to her room. When she walked in, the lights were still low and Emma slept undisturbed by Regina’s entrance. Unable to stop herself, she moved closer to Emma, wanting to check on her once more. She approached the woman in the bed and leaned over her to see her face.

At that moment, Emma let out a particularly loud snort, and Regina rolled her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her head. And she would never admit it, but a wide smile had also split her face at the sound. She reached out and tucked the blonde hair that was falling in Emma’s face behind her ear. And before she knew what she was doing she was stroking Emma’s hair, letting it run between her fingers until she reached the tips.

Emma let out a content little mumble, and her brow uncreased a bit. Regina felt the familiar pressure of tears building in her eyes, and suddenly she couldn’t stand there another moment. So she immediately straightened herself, and backed away from the bed. She wondered where to go. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to confront Henry yet, but she knew she couldn’t sit in this room with a sleeping Emma any longer. Not when all she wanted to do was return to the embrace from earlier and place kisses to Emma’s crinkled brow until it was smooth and worry free again.

But she knew that wasn’t an option, so she braced herself, and knocked on the door to her son’s room. His response was slow in coming, but eventually he called out, and Regina pushed through the door. When she entered the room, Henry was sitting up at the head of his bed. His book was closed beside him and his phone with the headphones still plugged in sat on top of the book he had clearly just put down. For a moment words didn’t come out of Regina’s mouth no matter how hard she tried to push them past her throat. She watched Henry sulk and avoid eye contact, instead staring out the window into the courtyard of the hotel.

She felt a source of exasperation boil through her being. Henry was her son, and she shouldn’t feel afraid to talk to him. But she dreaded his rejection, as well as the possibility that he might not understand the position he was putting her in.

Soon the silence had dragged on too long, and Henry quickly became uncomfortable. He finally looked to his mom and asked, “Do you want to say anything?”

Regina crossed the room and sat on the edge of Henry’s bed with her body twisted to face him where he sat. “I think there is quite a bit we both should say.” Regina replied, finally able to convince her vocal chords to make sound. “I would, however, like to start with an apology from you, Henry.”

Henry gave her a desperate look, eyes full of fire and a plea of innocence. “But, Mom,” he cried, “I meant it, you and Emma could be so great together! You're both my moms, you love her, why can’t you be together?”

Regina put the fingertips of one hand to her brow while the flat of her thumb landed on her cheek as she attempted to massage the stress out of her muscles. She dropped her hand soon after to look at Henry directly. “I know you are very sincere about what you’re saying, and I’m not saying you should apologize for wanting your parents to be together. Henry, that’s completely natural. I’m asking for an apology because you pushed too far, and I think you know it.” She paused there to regard him.

Henry bit his lip, and fought valiantly to stop the tears from coming out of his eyes. “I know,” he whispered.

Regina grabbed the box of tissues on the nightstand and offered one to Henry, which he refused in favor of pretending he wasn’t tearing up. Regina smiled at her boy, and cupped his cheek. She wiped away one tear with the pad of her thumb before she continued what she had been telling him before.

“Henry, I never want to talk to you as if you are not an equal, as though your age makes you somehow less than me. But there is a difference between having a mature conversation with your mom and having an inappropriate conversation.” Regina pulled her hand from his cheek and landed it on his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, before she kept on, “You’re welcome to discuss any feelings you are having with me, Henry. You know I encourage it. But you are my son, and as such, it’s not okay for you to try to dictate my love life.”

“But what if I hate the person you’re dating?” Henry responded instantly.

“Henry, if I have chosen a person who makes you unhappy in whatever way, of course I want you to tell me. You are my first priority. Always and forever.” Regina spoke clearly to make sure he knew what she said was true.

“I’m sorry he’s dead, and I’m so sorry you had to lose someone again, but I hated Robin.” Henry admitted.

Regina’s eyes widened at his words, and a little taken aback, she needed a moment to answer him. “Henry, you never said anything. I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t want to, you’ve lost so many people, you finally loved someone again. But he wasn’t good enough for you. You were his second choice. And I didn’t like the way he looked at you. Like he bestowed the honor of choosing you on you. He didn’t see you, Mom. He never saw you as you, just the hero parts. You’re more than a hero, Mom.”

Regina was more than stunned. Everything Henry had said was true, but she had gone on a painstaking emotional journey to discover it, to learn that she was in love with the idea of Robin more than the man himself. The concept that she had a predestined soulmate where her fate and love was decided for her, well it made her nauseous to think about now. Especially since she found out that Tink’s test had been manipulated. But at the time it seemed like such a fool proof guarantee, an escape from her loneliness. But hearing her innermost insecurities and thoughts about Robin presented to her by her son no less, it hit home.

“Oh Henry, I’m so sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me. But I’m glad you got it off your chest now.” Regina gave him a watery smile, and he returned it.

“You’re not mad?” He asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

“No, Henry. Everything you said, it took me a long time but I realized it myself as well.”

“I hate Hook too. He’s disgusting, he thinks he owns Ma, and he almost gets us killed all the time, and then he stops trying to kill us and suddenly he’s a hero! And he smells gross! He smells like barnacles and rum all the time.”

Regina bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing or agreeing with her son too vehemently. “I think you should talk to your mother about this, Henry. She will put you first as well, we both always will. Just maybe, don’t tell her what you just told me in so many words.” Regina chuckled a little bit at the end, losing her resolve. Henry smiled at her with a conspiratorial tinge.

“But all that aside, we’ve gotten off the point. I just want you to understand Henry, that while you may come to me and talk to me about how you feel about the person I’ve chosen; and discuss anything you are feeling, even if you feel sad that your parents aren’t together; it’s not your place to interfere with my feelings and dictate how and when I process or emote them. Or anyone else for that matter. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. I understand. I _am_ sorry. I know I pushed too far, and I know I hurt you and I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said you have to do anything about being in love with Emma right away. Or ever, I guess. But can I ask you something?” Henry spoke with conviction; his apology was heartfelt. But the question at the end of it was timid.

Regina instantly wanted to soothe his nerves about asking her anything, so she connected her gaze with Henry’s, and told him with a smile and in no uncertain terms that he could ask her whatever he liked. Henry chewed his lip for a minute before gathering his courage, afraid he was going to cross a line again. Finally, the question came forth and was out of his mouth with the sheer force of his curiosity more than his bravery.

“Do you think you’ll be sad, if you never tell Ma that you love her?”

Henry’s eyes were so big and wide; they were the eyes of a child who can’t bear the thought of his mom being hurt in any way. For a long while Regina just looked into them, and tried to fathom an answer to the question that seemed like it should be so simple. Finally, she let a small whoosh of air out of her lungs, and answered him.

“Yes, I do.”

Henry’s eyes got impossibly wider, and he felt the need to do and say whatever it took to make sure his mom wasn’t sad for one moment longer of his life. But as he opened his mouth to speak, Regina set her hand on his shoulder and beat him to it.

“Why don’t you and I go find some dinner in town, hm?” Her smile was too wide and the tension in her shoulders was clear to the boy, but he knew better than to push his mom twice in one night. So he nodded, slipped on his sneakers and grabbed his phone off the bed as he got up. His mom stood as well, and they both walked through the door.

* * *

When Emma woke for the third time this evening, she was alone in the room. It was beginning to get dark outside. She smacked her lips together a few times in an attempt to work some moisture onto her tongue and palate. What it mostly accomplished, however, was proliferating the foul taste on her tongue everywhere in her mouth. She balked, and stuck her tongue out in disgust.

She began to look around the room, taking a moment to remember she was in a hotel, not her home. As she turned to the bedside table, she saw a two water bottles there and she instantly reached for one. She popped open the cap and gulped down as much as she could to get the taste out of her mouth before she needed a breath. Emma soon regretted her decision though, as the sudden and large intake of water turned in her stomach. So she set the water bottle down again, fully intending to throw herself back under the corners, but something caught her eye.

In front of the bottles was a note that Emma hadn’t seen before, having gone straight to the water. She picked it up and she knew by the delicate handwriting that Regina wrote it before she saw a name on it. She chuckled as she read it, a dopey smile on her face as she heard Regina’s voice in her mind enunciating the words on the page.

_Emma,_

_Henry and I went to dinner in town, we will likely walk around a bit and explore, so we might not be back until a little later. I expect we won’t be later than 9:00. Don’t forget to hydrate, and don’t drink too fast!_

_Regina_

Emma rolled her eyes at the last bit. Of course Regina knew she would chug her water. She set the note down on the table once more, and flopped back onto the pillows. She rolled to her side though so that she could look at the clock on the table and check the time.

8:42

_At this rate I might as well watch a little TV and wait for them to get back._

The blue haze of the television screen lit up the otherwise dark room, and Emma began flipping through the channels. Finally, she settled on a home improvement show. She didn’t really know why, but she was always interested in the process that went into remaking a home. That and she loved the before and after shots; cringing at the pre remodel appearance and then oohing and aahing over the refinished home.

Before Emma knew it, she heard the door to the room rattle and open. Regina, followed by Henry stepped through and entered the room. Henry’s face lit up when he saw Emma awake and sitting up.

“Hey, Ma! You’re awake!” He cheered and plopped himself on the foot of the bed. He criss crossed his gangly legs and smiled at his mother. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Hey, kid. A little bit.” Emma grinned for him, and Henry began telling her all about the sea food restaurant he and Regina had gone to for dinner. Truthfully Emma was already feeling exhaustion tug at her senses again, but she wanted so desperately to spend some time with Henry after sleeping away the whole afternoon.

Regina, meanwhile busied herself with her luggage as Henry chattered. She was studiously avoiding focusing on Emma, but it wasn’t long before she felt a pair of eyes on her. She looked over her shoulder and saw the blonde woman gazing at her, completely ruining her plan of evasion. She tried smiling and ignoring Emma, but of course that didn’t work. Every few moments between Henry and Emma’s conversation, Regina would feel Emma’s gaze again. And before long, Emma piped up and attempted to pull Regina into her and Henry’s conversation.

“Regina, come sit with us.”

“Oh that’s alright, dear.” Regina tried to dismiss, tossing it over her shoulder and hiding her face.

But Emma didn’t accept this, and she pressed on. “Come on, Henry was just saying we should watch a movie. We can still have a nice evening even though I wrecked it by getting sick.”

At that Regina whirled around, concern etched in her face. “Emma, you didn’t ruin anything. It’s not your fault you’re sick.” Emma just shrugged timorously and didn’t really acknowledge Regina’s comment in favor of urging her to sit with them again. Regina clenched her jaw tightly to keep herself from groaning out loud, and she looked to Henry desperately. He returned the look with sympathetic and understanding eyes. He had remained quiet before, trying not to pressure his mom after what had happened earlier.

“It’s okay if you just want to go to bed, Mom.” He tried to backtrack.

Regina bit her lip. This was what this whole vacation was supposed to be about, wasn’t it? Spending time with her family. Maybe it would hurt, but it would be time spent with Emma and Henry, and that was precious. So she relented, and went to sit down on the bed. Before she got there, however, Henry jumped up.

“Hey, I’m going to go put on my pajamas before we start the movie. Don’t pick a movie without me!” He warned, then ducked through the door to his room and disappeared, leaving Emma and Regina alone once more.

“That’s not a bad idea. I should really put some pants on, or I’ll have to hide under the covers the whole time.” Emma added.

“Oh. Right.” Regina seemed to be stumped, and she stood in the middle of the room unsure of quite what to do next. Should she change into pajamas too? She chewed her lip for a moment as she stood, but soon her thoughts were elsewhere as Emma stood from the bed. There were those long, lean legs again. Regina averted her gaze as fast as possible, staring at her shoes as Emma went to her luggage and fished something out of it.

“Do you want to change too?” Emma asked, oblivious to Regina’s extreme discomfort.

“Ah…yes.” Regina decided in that moment, still looking anywhere but at Emma.

“Okay, I’ll go change in the bathroom. You can change out here. Just let me know when you’re done.” And with that, Emma walked off into the bathroom.

When she heard the door click shut, Regina dug out her own pajamas and busied herself with changing into the royal purple silk pajama set. A few minutes later, she heard Emma calling to her from the bathroom, asking if Regina was decent. Regina responded in the affirmative, and Emma reentered the room.

She was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun, and she went instantly back into the bed. Her eyelids felt heavy, and she knew she wouldn’t make it through even the first half of whatever movie Henry picked out. But she didn’t really care, she was happy to just be surrounded by her family.

Not long after Emma had resettled in the bed, there was a knock on their door from Henry’s room. Regina let the boy in and he went straight to the TV. He picked out the newest Avengers movie, surprising no one, and settled back onto the bed, resuming his earlier position. This just left Regina, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Both Emma and Henry looked to her expectantly, and swallowing hard, she made her way over to the other two. She perched herself carefully on the bed, leaving as much space between her and Emma as possible without falling off the bed.

It wasn’t long before Emma was completely asleep again. Regina and Henry finished the movie together as Emma slept even through the loud action sequences, and Regina felt herself even relaxing. It wasn’t really any different from movie night at home with Emma and Henry. But she then made the mistake of looking over at Emma. Her heart tugged out of her chest at the sight, though it was no longer the first time she’d seen Emma sleeping.

Henry’s words started echoing in her head. _Do you think you’ll be sad, if you never tell her you love her?_ She tried to focus on the TV after that, but it was hopeless. She kept peeking over at Emma. _Do you think you’ll be sad?_

Regina knew all too well what it was like to live life with an aching, broken heart. And she had resigned herself to it. When she realized she was in love with Emma she had accepted her fate. But now she just couldn’t shake Henry’s voice. And she couldn’t help but thinking to herself, maybe I don’t want to be sad anymore.

_Maybe, just maybe,_ Regina thought, _I could try._


	14. Chapter Thirteen

The credits to the movie were rolling at half past eleven. Emma had been asleep for over an hour and a half, and Regina had been stealing glances at her since then. Now that she was entertaining the idea of making an attempt to be with Emma, her brain was running a thousand miles a minute. She paid no attention to the movie, instead running through all the ways that Emma could reject her in her mind.

She was also trying to figure out what she would even say to Emma. _Emma, I love you._ She shook her head, it was too blunt, wasn’t it? There was no subtlety or finesse to it. But then again, maybe simple was the way to go. She couldn’t make as much of an idiot out of herself if she kept it simple. Right?

No matter how hard she tried to think of a simple way to tell Emma of her feelings, it kept getting twisted up in her brain. It was all getting too complicated, and she was considering abandoning the idea altogether. But then she heard a snort from a slumbering Emma, and she couldn’t help falling even more in love.

_Oh Regina, what are you going to do?_

Regina hadn’t even noticed that the movie was over until Henry stood from the bed. He stretched his arms high above his head and Regina smiled observing her little prince with a contented, sleepy expression spread across his face.

“I think I’m going to go to bed, Mom.” He said quietly, not wanting to wake Emma.

Regina stood as well and said her goodnight to Henry. She pressed one final kiss for the day to his forehead, and her heart sang when he didn’t pull away, even though she had embraced him numerous times today. After that, he slipped behind his door, and left Regina alone with a sleeping Emma.

Regina huffed a little, feeling at odds with herself. She wasn’t quite ready to sleep, not with the way her mind was still racing with all the possibilities of her recent decision. She wished she could just wake Emma up right now to talk to her, but that would be cruel. The woman was exhausted, and she deserved her rest, not to have a bomb dropped on her by Regina. Especially since it was almost midnight. Not knowing what else to do, Regina took out a book, flipped on the lamp by her own bed, and settled in for the night.

* * *

Regina woke to the sound of ducks quacking. Completely confused, she rolled around in her bed and opened her eyes to the world. What she saw when she did was Emma sitting up in her bed, surrounded by what appeared to be vending machine junk food. Furrowing her brow and picking her head up from the pillow, Regina gave Emma a quizzical stare and said, “Emma?”

The blonde whipped her head in Regina’s direction and paused mid chew. She then hurriedly swallowed the food in her mouth, coughing a little as she did so, and immediately started apologizing. “Sorry! I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No, the ducks did.” Regina rasped in her early morning voice.

“Oh, yeah. They’re cute to look at but they’re kind of loud, huh? There’s a little duck pond right outside so I guess we’ll be getting familiar with the quacking.” Emma responded.

Regina humphed grumpily at the idea, then looked to the clock on the nightstand between their beds and seeing the time was only a few minutes past seven. She returned her gaze to Emma, who was still scarfing down what appeared to be a bag of cheezits.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh,” Emma looked up from her snacking, and smiled sheepishly. “I woke up a half hour ago and I was starving. I just went to the vending machine at the end of the hall and grabbed a bunch of snacks. I didn’t want to wake you or Henry to go get breakfast with me or anything.”

“I see. Well if you give me a chance to wake up a bit here and get ready for the day, we can go get breakfast. Henry and I saw a little breakfast place in town last night when we were exploring. I think we could persuade him with pancakes.”

“That sounds awesome.” Emma replied, but she didn’t stop munching the cheesy crackers either.

Regina sat up in her bed and pulled the covers back, and as she did it occurred to her she hadn’t thought to ask Emma how she was feeling yet.

“How are you, Emma? Do you feel any better? Obviously you’ve got your appetite back, so that’s a good sign.”

“Oh I feel so much better, just like me again instead of the zombie I was yesterday.” Emma explained animatedly. Stopping to think for a moment, Emma added with a bashful tone a moment later, “Thank you so much for taking care of me, by the way.”

Regina pushed hair away from her face and looked to her hands in her lap. Her voice was quiet and difficult to hear when she answered Emma’s gratitude. “Oh that’s quite alright. It’s what family does, right?”

But Emma heard her nonetheless, and she smiled at Regina even though the dark haired woman couldn’t see it. “Right.” She said back almost as quietly as Regina had spoken.

Regina cleared her throat, and stood from her bed. She stretched luxuriously as she stood, reveling in the sensation. But with her arms above her head, she suddenly felt like eyes were on her. She became very aware that her pajama top had ridden up with her arms’ motion, and that her lower belly was bare to the room, so she quickly lowered her arms and tugged the hem of her shirt down. When she looked to Emma to see if she had been watching her, the blonde was studying her cheezits very carefully.

Regina turned away, and felt her cheeks beginning to burn. It wasn’t possible that Emma was checking her out, was it? _Stop it Regina, don’t get your hopes up before you even say anything to her._

Deciding an escape was as good a plan as any at this point, Regina silently and swiftly made her way to the bathroom. She breathed in deeply once the door was shut and ran both her hands through her hair. She took a moment to stare in the mirror. She met the eyes of her reflection, the same chocolate brown as always, but something seemed different about them today.

Regina leaned in, supporting her weight with her hands on the counter. She tilted her chin up, scrunched her face together, pursed her lips, furrowed her brow, stuck her tongue out even, but she couldn’t quite figure out what it was that had evidently changed. Giving up and rolling her eyes at her silly behavior for good measure, she turned to the shower stall. She stripped down and turned on the water, and moments later when she stepped under the hot spray she let out a long contented hiss.

Twenty minutes later, she stepped out of the shower, clean and relaxed. She wrapped herself in one of the hotel’s fluffy towels and then stepped up to the mirror to begin grooming for the day. However, halfway through blow drying her hair, something occurred to her. In her escape effort earlier, she forgot to bring clothes for the day into the bathroom with her. Once again she found herself staring into the mirror at her reflection asking it a question. Only this time the question wasn’t, _what’s changed?_ It was, _what am I going to do?_

She sized herself up; her hair was still damp and she was clad only in a towel that barely covered her breasts and her bottom together. She sighed, and resigned herself to what was about to happen. _I might as well look as presentable as possible,_ she figured, knowing that there was no way she was going to get out of this situation without embarrassing herself somewhat, at least she could control how put together she looked.

So she finished drying her hair, washed her face, and brushed her teeth. Feeling at least that she was scrubbed clean, she walked to the door of the bathroom. She unwrapped and rewrapped the towel around her body, making sure it was secured around her and revealing nothing from her chest to the tops of her thighs. She sucked in a fortifying breath, and opened the door.

She stepped out of the room, chin held high. Even if she felt mortified, she sure as hell wasn’t going to show it. _Never let them see how you truly feel, Regina. They’ll take it and kill you with it._ She marched herself over to her bags, and steadfastly ignored Emma, refusing to acknowledge her presence in the room at all.

Emma, however, was unable to ignore Regina, and Regina could tell. She felt eyes boring into her when she reached her bag, and when she spun around with her clothes in hand she couldn’t help but see Emma’s focus trained on her. Her humiliation was burning into her cheeks as she continued to say nothing, but something called her attention. Something in the way Emma was looking at her, it reminded her of what she thought she had seen that morning when her pajama top had ridden up.

And it made Regina feel a little powerful. Her figure was divine; she’d always known it. And she’d learned young how best to utilize that. Before it was always about power and control, taking kingdoms and seducing enemies and sycophants into doing her bidding. This time, while it gave Regina a charge, made her feel like she had power, she didn’t want to hold it over Emma. She wanted to use that power to feel good about herself, to be brave, to tell Emma how she felt. But she didn’t want to use it to manipulate Emma, or anyone anymore. As this thought occurred to her, her mother’s voice rang in her head. _My how the mighty have fallen_.

Regina reached the haven of the bathroom and closed the door behind her swiftly. She stood, not moving and clutching her clothing for a moment before she did anything else. This was the second time she had caught Emma gawking at her. And perhaps it was just a physical attraction, but that at least had to mean Emma wasn’t straight and would be receptive to the idea of a woman coming onto her, right? And perhaps if Emma knew of Regina’s feelings, she could take the time to grow her attraction to Regina into something emotional as well.

Regina sighed though, getting caught in the same place she always did when she dared to dream of a possibility with Emma. Sure, people could think Regina was a beautiful woman. After all she was and she knew it. And they could certainly want to fuck her. Plenty did. But who could truly love her? An Evil Queen. _The_ Evil Queen. Certainly not a savior.

Feeling the familiar lump begin to build in her throat, Regina shook her head to clear her thoughts. As she dressed herself in her cerulean sundress, she wavered back and forth on the decision she had made last night. Maybe she really just shouldn’t bother trying. Whenever that thought struck her, Henry’s voice would come to mind as well. _You could be great together! Do you think you’ll feel sad?_ And so she would resolve to make an attempt for Emma’s affections. And then her mother’s voice would spring forth. _Don’t be silly, girl. Love is for fools and the weak. Besides, why would you deserve to be loved?_

As she continued to ready herself for the day, having donned her dress and moved on to styling her hair, she also continued to vacillate in this manner. _I will try, I won’t try._ It was leaving her dizzy. She was applying the finishing touches to her make up, a deep berry shade of lipstick today, when a new thought rose in her mind.

Everything she had ever achieved that she was proud of, that was good, she had worked for. Being Henry’s mother, and then later being a better mother to Henry. Burying the hatchet with Snow and Charming. Being mayor of Storybrooke, now that she had earned the position by request of the citizens and not the actions of a curse. Hell even being a wonderful chef and a top notch gardener. All of those things required her blood, sweat, and tears.

It stuck in her throat a little just how much harder she’d had to work than seemingly everyone else to earn even trust and respect in the things she’s good at, though she supposed some of that was deserved due to her actions and choices. But not everything she’d had to struggle so hard for was fair in the strife it had caused her. But she had never given up before, so why should she start now? Looking into her eyes in the reflective surface one more time before she left the bathroom ready to face the day, Regina made a promise to herself.

_If I want love, if I want Emma’s love, I am going to work for it like I’ve worked for everything else._

Regina nodded her head to herself, her eyes were blazing with fierce determination, and the set to her no nonsense expression comforted her. She had her game face on. And nothing stopped her when her game was at its peak.

The woman exited the bathroom for the final time that morning, and found Emma Swan sitting in a chair and fully dressed in a Rolling Stones t shirt and a pair of her infamous skin tight denim jeans. As soon as she saw Regina, Emma jumped up. And there it was again. Some kind of awe in Emma’s eyes that Regina couldn’t quite place. But Emma was quickly distracted by her grumbling stomach.

“Breakfast?” she pleaded.

“Sure thing. But you have to wake Henry.” Regina responded, voice light and airy.

“I already did. He’s getting dressed. I told him to meet us in the hallway. Shall we?” Emma had already begun walking to the door, and Regina couldn’t help but chuckle as she heard Emma’s stomach growl as she passed.

“Yes, you bottomless pit, let’s go feed you. And our son who I’m sure is ravenous by now as well.”

“Count on it.” Came Emma’s reply through a cheeky smile. She opened the door to the hall and gestured for Regina to go before her, bowing deeply and saying “After you my Queen.”

Regina responded in kind by putting on a haughty air, holding her nose high, and walking through the door as she replied, “Right you are, peasant.”

Emma stood and laughed heartily, and Regina couldn’t help joining, albeit a little more calmly.

“God if Snow heard you call me a peasant she’d probably have a fit.” Emma said as she wiped tears of laughter from her eyes.

“Well you are a princess, dear.” Regina hummed.

“Yes and I want to be one about as much as I want to be a peasant.” Emma snorted. Regina eyed her curiously, but said nothing as Henry was now coming from his room. He was bouncing on his heels, and as Regina predicted he was ready to devour any food set in front of him. So the three set off down the hallway towards the elevator, intent on finding their breakfast.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! It has been a LONG time. I'm so sorry about that! I can't promise updates will be anything but sporadic, I'm in recovery after being extremely ill for months, and then ultimately needing surgery two weeks ago. So it's been a long journey for me. But I hope you enjoy this new chapter! I love hearing what you think, so comment please!

The breakfast place Regina and Henry had found was so different from Granny’s, Emma felt a shock running through her as soon as they stepped inside. She pulled at the hem of her Rolling Stones tee, and started fussing with her hair. Maybe this place wasn’t a five star lobster restaurant, but it was definitely accustomed to serving a higher class clientele.

In her chucks and skinny jeans, she scuffled through the entryway and saw the patrons of the restaurant. Eyes were on her, she could swear it, and she looked around everywhere to find them, to catch people in the act of staring at her in all her pedestrian, uncivilized ways. It made her skin feel prickly, like she had to itch everywhere.

Her discomfort grew as the family of three waited by the little sign that said “Please wait to be seated” by the front desk. Though the wait for the hostess to arrive was short, Emma felt time begin to crawl. She swallowed roughly as the hostess approached them. Her smile was bright as she took in Regina in all her class and elegance, but there was a visible drop in her grin when her eyes met Emma. At least, Emma would have sworn up and down that it was obvious. The young girl, probably no older than her early twenties cleared her throat and turned her eyes away from Emma.

Tears were starting to prick in the surface of Emma’s eyes, but she refused to let them form. These people would not have the satisfaction of making her cry, she decided. She lifted her chin and set her jaw firmly. She could feel her gaze hardening and she relished in it. She was welcoming old Emma into her personage at the moment, feeling herself growing colder and more distant as she braced herself to encounter the feelings of insufficiency that she grew up with. She prepared herself to feel like the orphan, the pariah, the little girl not worth the dirt on the boots of these people. To them, she was nothing. She was no savior here.

She jumped a little when she felt Regina’s hand on her bicep. She turned to face the other woman, her attention clearly being sought. Regina had noticed the drastic shift in Emma’s demeanor, but when a hard, steely gaze met hers she felt a cold trickle of shock shoot up her spine. She did her best to question Emma with her own expression, not wishing to call attention to whatever was bothering Emma out loud. Her eyes radiated concern, and the question on her face was clear.

Emma sighed and swiped her hand across her face. Her demeanor softened somewhat, when confronted with Regina and the look of care and worry etched into her features. She offered up as much of a smile as she could conjure in the moment and said nothing. She winked, hoping she could pull this off. All she had to do was make it through this breakfast without having a panic attack or lashing out at her family. Maybe she could manage with only minimal glaring at the other patrons of the restaurant.

Regina was thoroughly unconvinced by Emma’s attempt at pretending everything was fine, but she couldn’t press the issue because in the next moment the hostess was grabbing menus and beckoning the group to follow her. She dropped her hand from the skin of Emma’s upper arm, instantly missing the feeling of the contact but ignoring that in favor of focusing on figuring out what was upsetting Emma.

As they weaved through the tables and booths of the restaurant Emma felt ice running through her veins and pressure starting to form in her chest but she shoved it aside. The hostess led them to a booth near the back of the restaurant and with a smile that Emma could tell was forced, she set their menus down and told them their waiter would be right over.

Emma waited until Regina and Henry had taken their seats before she sat herself. She didn’t wish to be trapped inside the booth. Without giving it any thought she sat down next to Regina. She didn’t realize how close she had placed herself, but Henry didn’t miss it. Neither did Regina. So fixated on seeing if other people in the crowded eatery were judging her was Emma, she didn’t notice the smirk that Henry was giving his moms, or the blush creeping up Regina’s chest and coloring her cheeks.

Regina did notice Henry’s amused expression, however, and she shot him a warning glare. He dipped his head to hide the fact that he was trying not to laugh at his mom’s panicked reaction. He really hoped she found the courage to tell Emma the truth, and soon. He could see how miserable she was carrying on with the way things were now. He just wished his Ma wasn’t so dense and oblivious. How could she not see how much Regina loved her?

* * *

Emma pushed her eggs around her plate with a grimace on her face. On top of all the eyes she could feel on her from around the room, she was also acutely aware of Regina constantly staring at her. She hadn’t felt quite this tense in a long time. Every muscle in her body was aching with the way it was being pulled taut, or constricted tightly. Her hands were practically shaking with the nervous energy and painful straining.

She was so on edge that her jaw was clenched shut so tightly, she hadn’t actually been able to open it to try to eat some of her breakfast in several long minutes. As much as she hated it that these people, these complete strangers, were passing judgment on her, she couldn’t bear the thought that Regina was joining them. It was the only explanation Emma could come up with for why the woman’s gaze flicked back and forth to Emma all throughout breakfast.

She must have realized how poorly Emma fit into her world as they stepped into the restaurant. Seeing Emma juxtaposed with the people inside the breakfast place, must have made Regina see the truth, that Emma would never really belong in their family. A thought occurred to Emma, a voice echoing in her brain.

_Peasant_. That’s what Regina had said. She’d called Emma a peasant. And it hadn’t fazed Emma at all earlier. After all they had just been goofing around. Or so she thought. But now, faced with the reality of how intensely she did not fit into Regina’s world, she couldn’t help but feel the label of peasant stinging at her. And it made her start to think. Even in this world she was essentially a peasant, wasn’t she? She was a dirty street rat. She grew up in group homes and on the streets, begging for money and stealing poptarts to survive. If that wasn’t a peasant, what was?

The more she thought about it, the tenser she got. She felt anxiety and panic rising in her chest, and she prayed the waiter would come by with the check and soon. The quiet of the table was only serving to unnerve her more. Regina and Henry had barely said anything. Henry had tucked into his stack of pancakes immediately upon their arrival and not come up for air until every last trace of syrup covered pancake had disappeared from his plate.

That wasn’t unusual. Henry had inherited Emma’s appetite, and that combined with the fact that he was a teenaged boy with the nature given metabolism of a marathoner, he could eat for days. Normally, once food was placed in front of him, he lost interest in anything else surrounding him. The strange part was how quiet he remained after he had demolished his breakfast. He seemed lost in thought to Emma. Truth be told, she was dreading that even Henry was figuring out that Emma didn’t really fit in his and Regina’s world. That thought alone was enough to make her want to vomit.

And beside her sat Regina, who very methodically picked at her egg white and spinach omelet. Emma could tell, she just knew, that Regina had something she was dying to say to Emma. Something she was holding in. Emma figured it was to minimize embarrassment. Or maybe it was some sense of politeness. Best to wait until they were in private to tell Emma that she was just too far beneath Regina to be seen with her in a public venue like this establishment. To tell Emma that she was just not enough.

Emma was vaguely aware of the fact that her eye had started to twitch, and that her knee was bouncing erratically. Her head was down and she stared sightlessly at the breakfast that she had been so excited for earlier. In the background she heard Regina asking for the check, but it seemed very far away.

Dissociating. The word popped into her head. Once, when she was in the system, she’d been made to see a counselor and he had used that word. He told her what it meant, that you kind of separate yourself from what is happening around you. He’d told Emma that she was dissociating, though she was never sure if she believed him. Now she was thinking, maybe he was right.

Time didn’t really seem to make sense because the next thing Emma knew the check was there and it was being passed to Regina. Something in her snapped at that and she snatched the check from the waiter’s hand before Regina could take it. Both the waiter and Regina gaped at Emma, and logically Emma understood that they were reacting to the abruptness and rudeness of her action. But what she ended up saying in response was, “What? Surprised that a slouch like me would pick up the check?”

She then turned to the waiter and winked with a smile that was anything but friendly. She followed it up with, “Don’t worry, my card won’t get declined.”

The waiter was at a loss for words so he just started mumbling about how he would never assume so, words that Emma ignored as she reached for her wallet and pulled out a card that she tucked into the little leather folder that the bill had come enclosed in. She pointedly handed it back to the waiter and he scurried off.

Henry and Regina stared at Emma with expressions of mixed shock and confusion. Regina was the first to break the silence. She didn’t take her stunned eyes off of Emma when she asked, “What on earth was that about?”

Emma put on the best smile she could muster, never willing to let anyone see they had had any kind of effect on her. Why should they get the satisfaction of knowing they hurt her? Deliberately obtuse, she looked back at Regina and said, “What do you mean? I wanted to treat.”

Regina scoffed and continued to stare at Emma, demanding an explanation. An explanation that never came, however, because the waiter chose that moment to return with Emma’s card. He quietly handed the piece of plastic back to Emma, and disappeared as fast as he could.

As soon as Emma had signed the receipt and tucked her card back into her wallet, she slid out of the booth and jumped to her feet. She looked at her family with a grin that was clearly paining Emma to maintain, and clapped her hands together once.

“Okay, who’s ready to go do some exploring? Let’s check out the town!”

With that, Emma whirled around and started rapidly making her way to the exit of the restaurant, not waiting to see if the other two were following her or not. Regina and Henry stared at each other, each asking the other silently to explain. Henry shrugged with a deeply furrowed brow, and Regina sighed. They stepped out of the booth, and began to follow the path Emma took to get outside.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Once outside the restaurant, Emma felt like she could breathe again. The vise like pressure gripping her chest released and she sucked in a big gulp of air. She ran her hands through her hair, however, as a new worry approached her. She was out of line with her behavior in there. She knew that. And she also knew she was going to have to answer for it. But the thought made her stomach roll, because that meant it would inevitably lead to the conversation she was dreading. The one where Regina and Henry told her she didn’t fit in, that they couldn’t be a family because Emma wasn’t good enough.

She sighed deeply, feeling a familiar urge surge within her. She was itching to run. It was what she always did when things got hard, or scary, or she felt she was about to be rejected. If you leave first they can’t hurt you. How could she run from this trip though? She knew she couldn’t. She wasn’t on her own anymore. Even if Regina and Henry were going to reject her, she was the one who drove them to their vacation destination. She couldn’t leave them stranded on Cape Cod.

Even though she had run a full gamut of panic already, it was only a short time that Emma was alone outside the restaurant. Soon, Regina and Henry emerged from the building. Henry was texting again, and Emma was sure he was texting Violet. Regina, however, was giving Emma a look that said _we’ll talk about this later._

Emma looked to her shoes, and found herself once again fighting tears from welling in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated for a moment, forcing herself to focus. She knew she was being irrational. Regina and Henry were here with her, they were her family. They’d told her as much. And logically, she knew as well that this panic she was experiencing wasn’t based on an actual reality, but rather a fear based, and imaginary recreation of a scenario she experienced many times as an orphan. Unfortunately, panic didn’t respond to logic, and though she knew she had finally found a family, she couldn’t fight the feeling she was about to be thrown away one more time.

But she also had no intention of dealing with that right now, not in the middle of the street, and not when she had promised Regina and Henry a fun vacation. So she was going to have to settle for ignoring her fear, and pretending like she wasn’t having a panic attack. She gave Regina and Henry an awkward and stilted smile.

“Come on, let’s check out what they’ve got going on in this town, huh?” She said in a squeaky voice, swinging her arms nervously by her sides.

Regina continued looking at Emma with that same searching expression she’d been giving her since she’d picked up on the fact that there was something off about Emma. But she nodded her head, and said, “Lead the way.”

So Emma turned on her heel with only a slight look of terror still etched on her face. She began marching down the street with her fists stuffed in the pockets of her jeans. She was mostly staring at her feet on the sidewalk, so she wasn’t really taking in much around her, and she hoped that if Henry or Regina saw something interesting they wanted to check out they would speak up.

For a while they seemed content to stroll down the street. And though an uncomfortable silence had fallen over them, they each found themselves relaxing somewhat. Another five minutes passed before Regina asked them to stop. Emma looked up, and followed Regina’s line of sight.

“This place looks great, I would love to take a look inside.” Regina said, as she peered in the window of a small boutique.

Emma looked at the building before them, the sign read in curling script _Amelia’s Boutique._ Inside, from what Emma could see, were many styles of high end, no doubt designer, clothing. Emma could picture Regina wearing just about any of the items inside, and she wasn’t surprised in the least that Regina wanted to check this store out.

But as Regina started to walk up the steps to the entrance, Emma froze. This place was upscale, and Emma knew if she set foot in there, she would experience a repeat of her break down in the restaurant earlier. She backed away from the steps, and called Regina back from the doorway.

“I actually saw a store down the street I thought looked cool.” She said. “Why don’t I go check that out while you look in here.”

Regina started to walk away from the boutique and look for the store Emma was talking about. Her eyebrows were raised in innocent question as she looked back to Emma and said, “Oh, well there’s no reason we can’t all go to both stores. We can just take a look in your store next? I’ll try not to be too long in here, really.”

Emma took another step away and tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Nah, that’s fine. I’ll just go by myself.” She jerked her chin towards the boutique to indicate it, and said, “There’s nothing for me in there.”

Regina looked a little hurt as she turned to walk away, and Emma closed her eyes tight and kicked herself internally as she walked down the street. She’d gone maybe fifteen yards before she heard footsteps rushing up behind her. She recognized the sound of Henry’s footsteps, and turned back around to find him jogging to catch up to her.

“Henry?” She asked, hoping he wouldn’t notice the pained grimace on her face.

“Mom said I should go with you. Which store was it?” He said as he reached her.

“Oh. Okay, right then.” Emma replied, she looked around wildly trying to come up with a store that could have caught her attention and served as her excuse for not going into the boutique. She latched onto the first shop she saw, and pointed as she said, “That one.”

She strode over to the store and walked inside, causing a bell over the door to chime. She took in her new surroundings, and fought the urge to groan.

“This was the store you couldn’t wait to check out? There’s like a hundred of these.” Henry said skeptically as he followed her in. They had wandered into a trinkets and souvenir shop, one of any several dozen that could be found in their popular tourist location. Cheap keychains and baubles lined the display tables, and Emma wasn’t sure she’d seen tackier or more worthless junk in her days.

But there was no going back now, so she tried to smile, and swung her hands from her sides to clasp together in front of her. “Maybe,” she said in a tight voice, “But it’s not a vacation without a dorky tee shirt as a souvenir. And if it’s not this store, it’s another, so what’s the difference?”

Henry shrugged, he didn’t seem convinced but he started to look around anyways. His eyes were narrowed as he picked up the cheap items, inspecting all of them with disdain. Emma couldn’t suppress a small smile as she watched him, so like his mother. Emma may have given birth to him but it was clear Henry took after Regina. Regina wouldn’t be caught dead with any of these items in her possession. And though Emma far from needed everything in her life to be the highest quality option, even she had to admit this stuff was junk.

Still she had to pretend to take a look though. So she poked around, picked up an item here and there and pretended to be interested in some of the trinkets. She wandered over to the tee shirts, and not one of them would she consider putting on her person. They were charging five dollars for them, and Emma had to wonder if they were worth even that. The fabric was rough, and the sayings on them were beyond corny. One of them even had a lighthouse that was intentionally made to look as phallic as possible. Emma buried that one behind the others, hoping she could prevent Henry from seeing it.

After a few more minutes of fake browsing, she’d decided she’d given it enough time to be able to leave. She walked over to Henry and said, “This place is a bust.”

“Really,” He said, heavy sarcasm dripping from his tone as he rolled his eyes, “you don’t say.”

Emma narrowed her eyes at him, and she warned, “Watch the sass, kid. No need to be a smartass.” When she had first started trying to actually parent Henry six years ago, she’d been terrified, and she had no skill for reprimanding him when he was out of line. But her confidence had grown over the years, from practice and from much advice from Regina. She watched the boy with a stern expression, until his own became contrite and he gave her an apology for the attitude.

She smiled at him, and patted his arm as she said, “It’s alright. It’s okay to be sassy, just watch the disrespect, okay?” He nodded, and returned her smile. Emma gave his shoulder a squeeze then said, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

They walked out of the store and stepped back out onto the sidewalk. Emma glanced around, and in not seeing Regina on the sidewalk, she figured that she was still in the boutique. She bit her lip, still having no desire to walk into the store. She began looking around the street again, in search of another excuse to not go into the boutique, and she found one when her eyes landed on a small coffee shop.

“I’ve got an idea, kid.” Emma said, and she pointed to the shop. Henry followed her as she trotted into the shop and they took a look around. It reminded Emma a little of a cafe back in Boston she used to go to. They were trying a little too hard to be niche but other than that the place seemed decent. The smell of coffee wafted over to Emma and she took a deep breath. She loved the smell of coffee.

She went to take a step forward, toward the counter, but Henry’s hand on her elbow stopped her. She looked to her son, eyebrows raised in question, and waited for him to tell her what he wanted. He looked pensive, and he was chewing on his lip. She shuffled the two of them out of the way of the door and asked, “What’s up, Henry?”

He gave her a measuring look for a moment before he said, “Are you mad at Mom?”

“What?” Emma said in surprise, wondering how he could have gotten that impression. “No, Henry, I’m not mad at her. Why would you think that?”

He shrugged noncommittally, and said, “I don’t know. I mean you’re acting all weird this morning. You’ve barely said two words to her today, you got really angry when they brought the check at the restaurant. And you kept giving Mom weird looks at breakfast.”

“Hey she was looking at me weird too!” Emma said, instantly growing defensive.

“Ma, she was looking at you weird because you were acting weird. I was looking at you weird too.” Henry said.

“I noticed.” Emma muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. She huffed out a short breath of air and gave Henry the most sincere smile she could. “Look, Henry, I swear, I am not mad at your mom.”

“You two didn’t have a fight or something? I mean, she didn’t like, tell you something, and you like freaked out because it was a big deal?” He asked, and Emma regarded him curiously. He was genuinely concerned, she could tell, but it was also clear he had some kind of angle.

“No, we didn’t have a fight, and she hasn’t told me anything I would freak out about. That was oddly specific, kid. What do you know that I don’t?” Emma said.

Henry immediately reacted, trying to retract his interest and replace it with nonchalance. Emma watched him school his features, and she marveled again at how much of Regina was instilled in him. He said, with a particularly squeaky voice crack, “Nothing. I don’t know anything, Ma.”

“Ha. Bull.” Emma said, striking a commanding pose, “Spill the beans kid.”

For a moment Emma thought he would, but then he seemed to firm his resolve. “No.” Emma gave him a wide eyed stare at the open defiance, and Henry continued, “You just told me not to be disrespectful. And even if I did know something, which I’m not admitting that I do, wouldn’t it be disrespectful to tell someone else’s private thing? To share information that isn’t mine to share?”

Emma was a little stunned, but she had to admit the kid had a good point. She was kind of annoyed that he was using her own words against her, but she was also fiercely proud that he was so loyal to his mother. And that he did seem to have a good handle on respecting someone’s privacy.

“Alright. I guess that’s fair. But I want it on the record that I don’t like this, being left out of the loop here.” Emma felt another wave of nausea hit her as it really occurred to her that Henry and Regina were keeping things from her, and the voice of paranoia in her brain whispered to her _they’re conspiring against you. They’re going to get rid of you, and they’re planning it together._

She gulped in a large breath, and held it for a second to try to force her brain to focus on something else. Henry watched her quizzically, but she ignored him. He said, “Ma? You alright? You look kind of queasy.”

“I’m fine, Henry.” Emma said in a tight voice.

“It’s not like, I don’t know, we’re not keeping secrets from you, even though I know it seems like it. It’s just, some things need to come out in their own due time.” Henry said. He paused for a second, and laughed lightly to himself. Emma looked at him, expecting an explanation of what was so funny, but it never came. “Sorry. You’ll get why that was funny eventually.” He said, then under his breath he added, “I hope.”

Emma wanted to scream in frustration. She was being abandoned again, and her son was laughing about it. She couldn’t even do anything about it. She couldn’t run like she always had. She just had to wait for it to happen. So she nodded at Henry, and decided if they stayed on this topic any longer she might just actually scream. She turned around and said, “Well since I don’t get to know what’s going on now, I’m going to get something to drink. Come on, pick something out.”

Henry gave her a pat on the back, then walked further into the café so he could get a good look at their menu. He ordered a drink that looked like it was more ice cream than coffee, but Emma figured she had no place critiquing Henry’s diet when her own was likely even more juvenile most of the time. She ordered an iced coffee for herself, and a drink for Regina too.

She and Henry left the shop once their drinks were ready, and they headed down the street back towards Amelia’s Boutique. As they were approaching, they saw Regina step out of the shop and down the short set of stairs leading into it. Henry called out to her, waving to get her attention. She looked up at the sound and smiled brightly as she waved back.

She trotted down the street to meet them, and Emma noticed she was holding two bags from the boutique. Henry spotted them too because he asked, “What did you get, Mom?”

Regina grew a little flustered, looking down to her bags and blushing. She shrugged, and replied demurely, “Oh nothing special. I see you got something as well. Just exactly how much sugar do you suppose is in his drink, Emma?”

“Ah, probably more than you’d approve of?” Emma grinned sheepishly.

Regina clucked her tongue, but she smiled at Emma too, and didn’t push the issue. Emma rubbed the back of her neck and extended the drink she had bought for Regina.

“This one’s for you. It’s an iced chai latte, soy milk.” She said, looking at her feet rather than Regina.

“Hm, you know me well, Emma.” Regina said, taking the drink from Emma’s hand, and when she did their fingers brushed briefly. It gave Emma a faint jolt at the contact, and she looked up to Regina. Regina was smiling radiantly, but for some reason she was blushing twice as fiercely as before and now she was the one looking to her shoes.

“Right, well, if you spend enough time around someone, you know?” Emma said, unsure exactly what was happening. She was, however, acutely aware of Henry watching their interaction with a smirk. She couldn’t help but feel whatever was going on had something to do with whatever Henry wasn’t telling her.

“Indeed I do know.” Regina said, and there it was again. Both of them were being cryptic, and Regina was smiling so fully, and Emma was just so clueless she wanted to rip her hair out. She felt like shouting, _If you two are going to get rid of me just do it already! Stop messing with me!_

Emma cleared her throat, and swallowed around the lump forming there. She put on her millionth fake smile of the morning, and it was only 10:00 am. She looked to Regina and Henry while bouncing on her heel, a jittery motion she tended to do when anxious, and said, I think I saw some signs for an aquarium that way. How about we check it out?”

“Cool,” Henry said.

Regina nodded and for the second time that morning she said to Emma, “Lead the way.”

Emma turned, and with her back to her family, she let her smile turn into a deep set frown as she walked towards the aquarium.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew it's been a while! I don't know how many people are even still interested in this story with all these long hiatuses, but I hope some might still be enjoying it!

Emma found herself zoning out as the three of them walked to the aquarium. They weren't sure exactly where they were going, but they followed the signs they found here and there. Emma could hear Regina and Henry chattering behind her. She tried to focus on them, and she even turned her head and offered a chuckle here and there where appropriate.

She'd noticed she'd been pulling inside herself more and more often these days. It had been a slow process, but she could easily trace its start back to roughly the same time she'd finally broken down and agreed to date Hook. An insight that had only recently been granted to her, as she had been doing a lot of thinking on the matter lately. Though this trend of withdrawal was hardly new for her then either. The phenomenon's true origins dated back to her childhood. She'd had no one to take care of her, no one who wanted her, so what would have been the point of looking outward? Instead, she'd grown accustomed to turning her focus inward, and removing herself, at least emotionally, from painful situations.

She supposed she shouldn't be surprised that this familiar sensation of drawing into herself was rearing its head now. Even though this was supposed to be her vacation, she wasn't sure if she'd ever be free of her paralyzing fear of abandonment.

Even with Snow's recent claims that she loved Emma exactly as she was, she still found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop. She was always bracing for the moment when they realized she wasn't what they wanted. She'd tried so desperately to tough herself against the fallout of that moment, and she'd always placed a distance between herself and her parents. It had diminished over the years, but it was always there, looming in her mind.

Despite all of this, she had still managed to let herself get so attached to Regina and Henry. She had truly allowed herself, for a glimmer of a moment, to hope they were really her family. And now, bile was rising in her throat periodically as she contemplated the possibility that all of that might come crashing down around her. Just like it always did. Fighting through her fear, Emma was trying to reason with herself. She knew her anxiety was rooted in the same issues she always faced, and she was doing everything to not make this worse. She could easily see it though, in trying to make sure Henry and Regina didn't leave her, she would push them away and end up being the cause of her own worst fears coming to life.

So, as she walked down the street, she decided the best thing was to try to get out of her own head. She shoved her hands in her pockets, and tried even harder to be a part of whatever Regina and Henry were saying.

"What kind of fish do you think they'll have?" Henry asked, then took a long sip from his frozen drink that was starting to melt in the summer heat.

"I'm not sure. I don't know how large of an aquarium it is, Henry." Regina replied. She looked toward Emma and smiled when she noticed Emma seemed to be focusing on them instead of her feet. "Do you know anything about it, Emma?"

"Not a clue." Emma shrugged.

"Hm. Well I would like to see some seahorses. I've always found them charming." Regina said.

Emma smiled back at her, and said, "They are pretty cute."

She found herself hoping there would be sea horses if for no other reason than to see Regina happy. Emma felt a small sense of déjà vu as she thought about wishing for Regina's happiness yet again, and how hard she'd strived in the past to make it a reality. She wished it was always as simple as seeing sea horses.

Emma took a look at the street around them, and she saw a small, unassuming building with a simple sign that read "Aquarium," in plain block letters. She put her hand on the small of Regina's back to get her attention. Regina looked at her, and there was that _something_ between them again.

Much like when Emma had handed Regina her drink and their hands had brushed, there was a small jolt at the contact. Emma couldn't tell if she was the only one who noticed it, or if the current ran through both of them. But the way Regina was suddenly behaving made her think the other woman felt it too. She seemed both shy and almost…giddy?

Emma cleared her throat and dropped her hand. She shuffled a step away from Regina, trying to ignore Henry's sharp gaze on her every movement as well as the way Regina now seemed a touch disappointed. She pointed across the street to the aquarium, and said, "I think we've found it."

All three of them stepped across the street and approached the building. They passed through the front door and entered a small lobby where a man sat behind a desk. He looked up when he heard people walking in, and smiled winningly at them.

"Welcome!" He said, setting his pen down and looking up from his paperwork.

"Hello." Regina said politely. "How much for three?"

Emma was ready to protest that she could pay for her own ticket when the man spoke.

"Oh, nothing. This is a public aquarium. It's free. We always appreciate donations, but there's no admission fee. We just ask that you sign in." He explained kindly.

"Oh." Regina said, and she seemed a little lost now, having already removed her wallet from her purse. She placed it back in her bag, then picked up the pen offered to guests and quickly signed all three of them in. She turned and spoke to Henry and Emma. "Well then, I guess let's see what's here."

"All the displays are just around that corner." The man said, pointing to an opening into a hallway.

"Great, thanks." Emma said, and they made their way further inside. She wasn't sure what to expect at this point. Perhaps a few goldfish in a bowl. But when they rounded the corner she was pleasantly surprised. A long L shaped hallway was lined on both sides with large fish tanks built into the walls. Colorful fish resided in some, strange mud colored fish in others.

Henry smiled and said, "Cool," as he approached the first exhibit.

Emma felt relief seep into her system. This had been her idea after all and she was glad it wasn't a bust. She followed Henry over to the tank he was looking in, and Regina did the same. Emma looked inside and watched the fish swim at what she hoped was a relaxed pace.

Regina read aloud from the placard beside the tank, "Atlantic Spiny Dogfish."

They watched the dogfish swim for a few moments before moving on. Most of the tanks contained local fish and crustacean species. They were interesting to look at for a few moments but they lacked the stunning quality that came with more exotic fish and marine life. Still, it was a decent way to spend the morning, and Regina seemed to be thrilled that it was an educational experience for Henry.

Emma turned around the bend of the hall to discover the rest of the tanks. She came to a relatively small one, and a wide smile spread across her face. She peeked back around the corner, and called Regina over.

At the sound of her name, Regina turned around and walked over to Emma, coming around the corner to see what she wanted to show her. Emma pointed to the tank she had found, and Regina gave it her attention. Emma watched, thrilled, as a beatific smile grew on Regina's face when she saw the seahorses.

"They're so delightful." Regina said, looking at the odd little creatures. Most of them had their tiny tails hooked around the branches of the tree like coral that had been placed in their tank, and they swayed in the water as they clung on. Some of them, however, floated freely in the water.

Emma watched Regina's face smooth over peacefully as she continued to observe the seahorses, and she found her own sense of calm starting to wash over her. She wasn't sure why, but Regina's fascination with the little creatures was utterly heartwarming, and Emma found she couldn't look away from Regina in this moment. With her tranquil smile and soft eyes, Emma was mesmerized.

But then Regina's eyes flicked over to Emma, and caught a glimpse of her staring. She only looked at Emma for a moment before returning to the seahorses. Something overcame her features then, something entirely new. And Emma couldn't quite make sense of it. There was a nervous quality to the way Regina noticed Emma's staring, but a slight smile quirked at her lips. Was Regina happy to be stared at? Or getting ready to mock Emma for being rude?

Before Emma could decide, Regina said, "I thought we were supposed to be looking at the exhibits, dear."

Emma cleared her throat and nodded her head as she said hoarsely, "Ah, right. I'll just do that then."

She turned around then, but she thought she noticed a flicker of disappointment on Regina's face. She frowned to herself after having turned, resolving that she would probably never be able to understand that woman. She kicked at the carpet a little, every few steps as she walked. On this end of the hallway too, were mostly fish that were interesting only for a little bit. But as Emma looked to the last tank in the hall, she felt a presence that she was drawn to.

She stopped, and looked in the tank, this one much larger than many of the others. For a moment, it seemed empty of anything other than more generic fish. But in the next moment, Emma discovered the presence she was sensing. A sea turtle swam slowly, somewhat awkwardly across the tank.

Emma watched it for a while, not noticing when Regina and Henry came up beside her at first. The turtle had this strange way of moving its back flippers, and there was visible scarring along the back of its shell and back flippers. It seemed to have a little trouble with its buoyancy, but it swam on unperturbed. Emma flicked her eyes away from the turtle, and to the little placard of information that was stuck to the wall.

_Magenta is a Kemp's Ridley sea turtle, a species native to the Atlantic, found only in the Gulf of Mexico and along the east coast of the United States. Magenta was found in the Gulf of Mexico with plastic rings from soda can packaging wrapped around her back flippers. It created a wound, and led to a serious infection. Our marine biologists believe Magenta belonged to a family of sea turtles, called a bale, but when her injuries prevented her from swimming, she was left behind. Magenta can never return to the ocean, but she will be able to spend the rest of her life in the safe environment of our aquarium where she receives the care she needs._

As Emma read she felt her stomach twisting, and a few tears were pricking at her eyes. She squeezed them shut and kicked herself internally for being so ridiculous. It was just a damn turtle, her reaction made no sense. She looked back into the tank and watched as Magenta swam maladroitly around her exhibit, sometimes disappearing from view, only to reappear again. The more Emma watched, she found herself growing angry. She couldn't even understand why, but the ire was bubbling up in her.

Suddenly she felt a slight pressure on her shoulder, a hand was resting there. She jumped at the first contact, and the hand retracted immediately. Emma turned around, and saw Regina observing her. She was regarding Emma with the same silent question in her eyes that Emma had found in the restaurant this morning. And much like then, Emma felt a strong pull on her senses telling her to run as fast and as far as she could.

Short of turning on her heel and actually high tailing it out of the aquarium, like she essentially did in the restaurant, Emma took the only escape route she could see. She rolled her shoulders, smiled, and said, "Cool turtle." She then walked off, pretending to have an interest in some of the other tanks.

* * *

With tired feet, the family of three trudged inside their hotel rooms. Henry had gone through his own door in the hall, leaving Emma and Regina to their own devices in their shared room. After the aquarium, they had returned to the streets of the town to look for more shops and any other form of entertainment. They had found a few more interesting places to poke around in, though no one bought anything new after Regina's initial purchases at the boutique.

They had then chosen to eat some sandwiches for lunch. Well, Emma and Henry had eaten sandwiches. Regina managed to find a café that offered a chicken caesar salad she was satisfied with. They had then taken a scenic walk down to a little section of beach not far from the town. Emma had done her best to shake off the pall of gloom that this morning's restaurant choice as well as the damned turtle had brought on her mood. She knew, though, that she hadn't been all that successful. She knew because Regina had continued to watch her with those eyes, filled with sharp curiosity, but gentle concern.

Now, back in the hotel room, they all felt the need to rest for a little while before they ventured out again for dinner. Emma needed some time to regroup as well, so she was grateful Regina had suggested this. She sat at the end of her bed, with her butt on the edge and her legs over the side, feet touching the floor, but her back on the bed.

The maids must have come in and tidied the room while they were out, because the bed was made with a perfection Emma knew she could never achieve. The light blue, sea shell bed spread was pulled tight over the crisp and clean white sheets. Emma stared at the ceiling, and as she gazed at the expanse of white above her head, she found herself beginning to retreat into her mind once more. This time she made no effort to stop it, and allowed herself to withdraw from the rest of the world for a while.

Except Regina didn't seem to be content with this, because she sat down next to Emma. Emma didn't notice her at first. When she did notice her after a few moments, she steadfastly ignored her, content to continue her staring match with the ceiling. She knew that wouldn't last long, though.

And just like she could have counted on, Regina cleared her throat, and offered Emma a chance to talk. "Do you want to tell me about what's been going on with you today?"

"No. I don't" Emma replied instantly.

Emma knew Regina would drop this if she sensed Emma really didn't want to talk about it. But Emma wasn't so sure that she didn't want to talk about it, despite what she'd said. She certainly didn't want to delve into her emotional state, but she couldn't deny that she was finding herself wishing for some form of validation, reassurance from Regina that she wouldn't leave. That she had meant it when she had said family.

Regina seemed to sense that, because she began to push a little. "Are you sure? I'm here, to listen or anything else you might need."

Emma grunted, and sat up. She looked at Regina, carefully taking in everything about her face at this moment. She seemed very determined, and Emma wasn't sure where that would take them. Regina had never forced her to talk about something she truly did not wish to discuss. But she never held back her concern for Emma either. That concern for her wellbeing, unconditional and unrepentant, Emma was still getting accustomed to being shown that.

She wanted to try to talk to Regina, to show her she was worth caring about. But she struggled heavily with this kind of thing; after all any discussion of her own emotions would require she had a real grasp on them herself. She tried to make the words come out, but they stuck on her tongue. Emma ran a hand through her hair, and blew a frustrated huff of air out before saying with childlike petulance, "It's pointless and silly, and I really don't feel like going there."

Regina sized her up, and Emma could tell she was measuring just how far she could push in one night. Unbidden, a surge of emotion came forth in Emma as she realized no one had ever understood her the way Regina did. Nobody would have been able to navigate this situation with her and know when to push, and when to back off. Not like Regina.

"Whatever it is, it's clearly eating away at you, I think it might be a good idea for you to 'go there.'" Regina said.

Emma, even though a part of her was screaming to just tell Regina, tell her she'd do anything if Regina would just say she wasn't going to leave, couldn't get her mouth to open. Her voice felt like it was trying to claw its way out her throat but she clenched her jaw so tight it never stood a chance. She felt the pain growing in her jaw and chin, but still she continued to watch her feet on the floor and remain silent.

Regina decided to make one more attempt, because she spoke again, and her words dropped a cold pit in Emma's stomach. "Magenta. The sea turtle from the aquarium."

Emma ground her teeth, and continued to stare, now more intensely, at the floor. "What about her?"

"Her family left her." Regina stated, and though the way she said it was matter of fact, the significance behind it wasn't lost on either woman.

Emma was feeling some of that same anger rise in her the way it did when she was in the aquarium, watching the turtle swim. She stood and whirled around so she was facing Regina. She crossed her arms tightly across her chest and stared at Regina. Some of her bluster disappeared when she saw Regina was anything but intimidated, but she still remained tense and angry. "So what?"

"You're not a sea turtle, Emma." Regina said calmly, watching Emma with careful regard.

"No? Oh that's right, I'm a peasant." Emma spat, her breath hitching and she swallowed hard to try to stave off the tears that were threatening yet again.

Regina seemed taken aback at that, and she blinked a couple of times. With a quiet voice she said, "Is that what started this? Emma, I'm sorry. I was only joking this morning, I don't think you're a peasant, nor would I judge you if you were."

Emma watched the pain etch across Regina's features, and she had to do something to make Regina see it wasn't her fault. It was just Emma's inability to ever be enough. But that wasn't Regina's doing. "It wasn't the peasant thing. At least not at first."

She deflated a little, and sat back down on the bed next to Regina. It occurred to her that she had placed herself closer to Regina this time, closer than Regina had sat to her before. It seemed so natural, however, that she didn't pay it much mind, and simply blamed it on her vulnerability in this moment. Emma stared at her hands clasped in her lap. Regina was watching her with big eyes and rapt attention. She decided she might as well spill her guts now, it wasn't like Regina hadn't figured out a good portion of it already anyways.

"It was the restaurant." She admitted, eyes still fixed on her lap.

"You started acting off the minute you walked in." Regina supplied.

"Yeah, well it was pretty clear I didn't belong there." Emma said with a dull quality to her voice.

"What do you mean?" Regina asked, and Emma could have sworn she almost sounded lost.

"I mean, even if you say you were kidding, I am a peasant. I'm a street rat. And when I walked in that place everyone could tell. The hostess took one look at me and she could tell I was just a slob in a tee shirt and chucks." Emma scrubbed at an errant tear that had broken free of her defenses and started to roll down her cheek. Her face was burning red with embarrassment, but she wasn't done yet. Regina, mercifully, stayed quiet. "Everyone else in there was looking at me too. The look on every one of their faces said _peasant_. And it just made me realize, I don't belong in your world. You and Henry fit in so well there. So I guess what I'm saying is you're wrong. I _am_ a sea turtle. I can't swim right, so my family leaves me behind."

Emma sucked in a hitching breath and squeezed her eyes shut tight, as if the force of it could stop the rest of the tears. She took in another breath, and then she felt a finger crooked under her chin, lifting it and gently turning her head to face Regina. Emma kept her eyes closed, too humiliated by what she'd said to look Regina in the eyes.

Until, of course, Regina said, "Emma. Please look at me?"

Slowly, Emma opened her eyes. Regina's eyes were wet too when she looked into them, and for the life of her she just didn't get it. She couldn't understand why Regina cared so much. Or even at all.

"I wish you had just told me the restaurant was making you feel like that. We can eat breakfast anywhere, Emma. I don't care about that. I care about you." Regina said.

"I appreciate that," Emma said as she sighed and turned her face away from Regina's, "but eating somewhere else is kind of beside the point. The fact is you belong in places like that. Nice places. And I don't."

Emma heard Regina sigh herself. Now Regina's hands were clasped together, placed daintily in her lap, in a mirror of Emma's position. Though few would describe Emma as dainty, she thought, and almost snorted at the idea.

"We grew up in different worlds. Literally. I'm sorry that you felt like you didn't fit in. That was the last thing I wanted. And I don't know, maybe other people there were looking at you like you didn't belong. I didn't notice that myself, but if that was the case then they're all snobs with no skill for character judgment." Regina said.

This time Emma did snort. But Regina just shook her head to negate Emma's eloquent argument. "I mean it." Regina insisted. "Because you're not just Princess Emma. Or any other version of Emma that others might throw at you. You are Emma Swan. And you belong wherever you choose to be. You are a fighter, and you have more than earned your right to demand respect from the world, and in exactly whatever form you come in. If it's a matter of your comfort, then we don't have to go to places like that. But if it's a matter of feeling like you have no business being in a place like that, well then, you couldn't be more wrong. You belong wherever you choose to be. And, Emma? You are _not_ a sea turtle."

Regina said all of this with fire, and Emma wasn't quite sure what to make of it. No one had ever insisted in her worth like this. No one had ever expended the energy to tell her she was wrong when she said she was worthless. Feeling like a ridiculous and particularly weepy baby, she fought to control the tears that had streamed down her face at Regina's words.

In a tiny voice, Emma asked, "So does this mean you're not leaving me?"

"Never." Came Regina's immediate reply. She grabbed Emma's hand and squeezed it in her own, and repeated herself. "Never, Emma."

Emma looked into her eyes again, searching for the lie. And she got a strange feeling. Because she didn't feel like Regina was lying. But there was something she wasn't saying, something she was clearly holding back. But Emma didn't have the wherewithal to try to figure out what that might be right now. She closed her eyes and nodded. She wanted to believe Regina so much, and she let herself do so.

There was a moment of awkward silence, where Emma still kept her eyes closed, and Regina still held her hand. But then Regina said, "Emma, could I give you a hug?"

They didn't do this frequently. Emma wasn't sure why. But in this moment, it sounded like a pretty good idea to her. Quietly, she said "Okay." And then she sort of allowed herself to just collapse toward Regina and count on Regina to catch her in her arms. Regina didn't let her down. Her arms wrapped around Emma, and both women seemed to melt a little into the contact.

Something was buzzing in Emma's chest as she sat with Regina like this, and it didn't escape her how intimate the moment was, how intimate the entire conversation was. But the peace of being held was taking over her too. And she decided focusing on that was much simpler and less frustrating than trying to figure out what was happening between her and Regina. So she shifted a little closer and just let her mind be calm for the first time since that morning.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got quite long, so I split it in two. But! That means you get a double update today! I hope you enjoy!

After Emma and Regina had parted from their hug that night they’d both needed a moment to collect themselves. They had wiped at their teary eyes with smiles, each feeling ridiculous at how emotional they’d become. Emma had stood from the bed and claimed she needed a shower, and Regina could tell she had done enough baring of her soul for one night.

She watched the bathroom door close from her position on the edge of the bed that she had yet to move from. She wasn’t sure exactly the way Emma was feeling now after their talk, but she knew her own emotions were swirling. She was relieved that she had been able to soothe Emma’s fears, if at least only momentarily. And part of her was thrumming with excitement at the realization that Emma had turned to her, had wanted Regina to stay. And granted, it took some prodding for Emma to open up, but she had trusted Regina.

Throughout the day, Regina had been vacillating between concern for Emma, and trying to decide if she should still go through with her plan to tell Emma how she felt. She had made such a committed decision that morning while staring at herself in the mirror, but watching Emma all day had her unsure it was the best decision.

Emma just seemed so lost today, so beaten down and terrified. She’d clearly been lost for a long time; Regina had watched as Emma’s relationship with Hook had drained her of her vitality. Emma seemed stronger still though, since they’d left on their vacation. Since whatever had happened between her and Hook in that alley that had caused her to come out beaming brilliantly and full of spirit once more. But the last three years had obviously taken their toll, because while maybe Emma was just starting the first stumbling steps into finding her stride again, she was still in a vulnerable position. And it made Regina realize that this wasn’t something she could take lightly.

Matters of the heart were never to be treated trivially in her book anyway, but she realized she needed to approach this with extra sensitivity. More important than anything, she had to let Emma know that any decision to possibly be with Regina, to accept her love for Emma, was in Emma’s hands. Never again would Regina remove someone’s choice from them. She’d been the perpetrator and the victim in that scenario each too many times. She never wanted a hand in either side again.

It was why tonight, when Emma was asking Regina if she would ever leave her, she had held her tongue. Part of her had screamed at herself to do it then, take the plunge, and tell Emma. Tell Emma how deeply in love with her she was. Tell her that she would never leave because she was so desperately in love with Emma the thought alone was enough to make her feel sick.

But she didn’t want that to be the way she presented her love to Emma. She didn’t want to give Emma the mistaken impression that she had to reciprocate Regina’s feelings or she would be abandoned again. As though she were trying to manipulate Emma into loving her back, to make her think the only reason why Regina would stay is if Emma loved her back. Because regardless of how much Regina did love Emma, she was her friend and part of her family as well. And that meant to Regina that she would stick around no matter what. Unless Emma asked her to go, she supposed.

So she had bitten her tongue. And it appeared to have been the right decision. Because as she had hugged Emma she had felt much of the tension leave Emma’s body. And when they had shifted apart some time later, Emma had looked at Regina with a mixture of gratitude and relief. And though she was clearly embarrassed with her leaking eyes, a weight seemed to have been lifted off of her.

Regina wanted to make Emma feel better all the time. She wanted to make her feel happy, and as that thought dawned on her she was taken back to a moment where she had been crying on her office floor, and Emma had promised Regina her happiness. She swept a hand down her face, frustrated at how complicated this has all become.

Regina sighed. She wasn’t even sure how she was going to do this anymore. If she had ever been sure. She did know, though, that what Emma needed most from her tonight was to be a friend, to be family. Not a potential suitor. An idea came to mind and she smiled to herself. She stood, and crossed the short distance from Emma’s bed to Henry’s door.

She knocked on the door and waited until she heard a call of “Come in!” from Henry on the other side of the door. She pushed the door open when she heard it, and smiled at the boy. He was definitely texting Violet again, judging by the way he clutched his phone. Regina felt a pang of sadness and apprehension that her baby boy was growing up, and even had his first girlfriend. The feeling was tempered with a swell of pride as well at the wonderful young man he was becoming.

He looked up at her, and saw the look on her face. Nothing escaped Henry’s keen observance when he put his mind to it, even more so as he got older.

“You’re up to something.” He said with a smile, and Regina could see he definitely wanted in even without knowing what was going on.

Her smile grew wider, and she winked at him. “I’ve got an idea for an operation. Do you want to help?”

Henry smirked and stood, stretching first, then cracking his knuckles. “You came to the right man.”

* * *

When Emma got out of the shower that night, freshly scrubbed clean and dressed in soft cotton pajamas, she was accosted by Regina and their son. While she had been showering, the two had set up a family game night. Pizza was on the way, and the hotel room service would be providing supplies for ice cream sundaes later on.

Emma had been shocked at the amount of junk food Regina was allowing. Regina had merely shrugged and said that it was their vacation. She had been quick to add that they would certainly not be indulging like this every night, but that she saw no harm in letting Henry have pizza and ice cream on this occasion.

Regina and Henry had also managed to acquire various board games. Among them was Regina’s favorite, Stratego, Henry’s favorite, Boggle, and Emma’s favorite, Jenga. As they were setting up the first game of Boggle, the pizza arrived.

They spent the rest of the night eating, playing games, and laughing. Before the sun went down, Henry ran down to the little gift shop of the hotel and bought a bag of duck food. All three of them had tossed the food to the loudly quacking ducks over their balcony on the second floor and watched as the ducks feasted in the fading sunlight. Then they had gone back inside and made their sundaes.

With his stomach full of sugar and pizza, Henry had declared that today had been a successful first day of vacation. Regina had smiled brightly at him, and Emma could have cried from relief that he was having a good time on the trip she had proposed.

* * *

The next two days passed quickly. Together they’d spent time mini golfing, going to the beach again- where Emma wore a baggy tee shirt that she had bought at a little shop to protect her already burnt skin- and exploring more local towns. Regina and Emma were each so happy to be spending this time with Henry, and each other, but they also let him have some time to himself each day. Henry greatly appreciated this, as sometimes he needed to just be on his own to let his mind be at peace.

On Tuesday night, the trio returned to their hotel rooms in the afternoon, after a day full of exploring. They discovered they all liked to come back to the hotel and relax for a couple of hours each day before venturing back out for dinner. It provided them each with some down time. Henry had been using it to be by himself, either reading or texting Violet. Emma had taken a jog last night, and tonight she had gone down to the hotel gym to get a more comprehensive workout. And Regina, she spent the time planning. Planning their next day, planning how she was going to woo Emma, and planning dinner.

The night before they had simply gone to the family restaurant in the hotel for dinner. Tonight, they had yet to settle on a place. Regina had an idea though. She had seen something in the town they had walked all around today, and she had a feeling it would be a big hit with both Henry and Emma. It wasn’t her usual scene, but she would be delighted to be there if only to see her family smile.

She settled on her bed with a book of her own, although she was sure Henry had a copy of it with him as well. He had found it last week, read it all in one night, and talked about it endlessly since then. Regina had always tried to read the books that Henry had read and loved, whether they were comic books or novels, so that she could talk about them with him. This vacation provided her with an excellent opportunity to read this latest book. Hopefully she’d even be able to discuss it with Henry a little over dinner tonight. She cracked open the book, and began to read.

An hour later, a very sweaty Emma trotted through the door of their hotel room. Regina looked up from her book, and swallowed thickly. Emma’s hair was tied up but fly-aways stuck out here and there, as well as some sticking to her face. Her face was red and flushed from the exertion. She was wearing tight black leggings that ended halfway down her calves, and a loose, dark grey, racerback tank top. Her well defined arms looked even more cut than usual after the strain of the workout.

Emma didn’t seem to notice Regina’s staring; she went straight to the mini fridge between their beds and pulled out a chilled water bottle and began to chug. Regina watched her with fascination. Her nose wrinkled when Emma came closer and she smelled the perspiration and odor wafting off of Emma, but it didn’t stop her from needing to fight the tingle of arousal now pulsing through her system.

Emma put the water bottle down, and then she lifted the hem of her shirt to wipe her face where little beads of sweat were still dripping from her temples. Regina felt her heartbeat pick up when she saw Emma’s abs, well defined and glistening with a sheen of sweat as well. She smiled as she saw the stretch marks once again, tamping down the overwhelming urge to stand and kiss them.

She quickly buried her nose back in her book before Emma dropped the hem of her shirt and lifted her face once again to avoid being caught ogling. Emma announced that she was going to take a shower, then bounded off to the bathroom none the wiser to Regina’s flustered staring from before.

Emma came out of the bathroom a half hour later, no longer sweaty or smelling of the gym. She was wearing white denim shorts and a cherry red v neck tee. Her hair was somewhat damp, and Regina could tell she had gotten bored of drying her hair halfway through and given up. Regina was struck by the memory of how long her own hair had been in the Enchanted Forest, but at least she’d had magic and handmaidens then to manage it. She couldn’t even imagine the upkeep it would have required in a realm without magic.

Emma plopped down on Regina’s bed then and disrupted her musings. Regina caught a whiff of Emma’s strawberry shampoo and smiled through her urge to comb her fingers through Emma’s hair and feel for herself how soft it must be. Emma was smiling back at her, with a keen expression in her eyes that let Regina know she might not have gotten away with her admiring gaze this time.

She set her book down on the night stand and said, “Well you must have worked up an appetite. Are you ready for dinner?”

Emma nodded enthusiastically and said, “Yes, definitely.” Then she stood and padded in her bare feet over to Henry’s door as she said, “I’m sure Henry is too.”

Regina stood as well and stretched as she heard Emma telling their son to get ready for dinner. Regina stepped into the bathroom herself and began fussing with her appearance to make sure she looked presentable. Her mind turned again to thoughts of Emma as she did so, and a surge of excitement coursed through her. She just hoped her idea for tonight was a success.

She walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, after smoothing the creases of her light pink, pencil skirt and reapplying her rose colored lipstick. With it she wore a black, silk button up, sleeveless for the warm weather and tucked into her skirt. When she reentered the room, Emma and Henry were ready to go. Emma had put on her chucks once more, and Henry was bouncing up and down on the balls of his sneakered feet.

Regina slipped on her flats and moved to the door when she heard Emma call from behind her.

“Wait up!”

“What is it?” Regina said as she turned around.

“We never decided on where we’re going for dinner.” Emma said with a nervous smile.

“Oh, I have an idea that I think both you and Henry will love.” Regina said.

“Great. What is it?” Emma asked.

“Oh, well, it’s a surprise.” Regina replied, now smiling her own timid way.

Emma chewed her lip, and Regina could tell some of the fears she had discussed with Regina the other night were creeping up on her again. Regina took a couple of steps closer to Emma and lightly gripped her biceps. She tried to add a reassuring quality to her smile and said, “Trust me?”

Emma continued to chew her lip for a second longer, but she looked Regina in the eye and nodded. Regina nodded back at her and turned for the door once more.

As they were walking out of the hotel lobby and into the car park, something occurred to Emma and she said, “How do I drive there if I don’t know where we’re going?”

“I can drive.” Regina offered.

Emma shrugged and handed Regina the keys to the bug, then hopped in the passenger seat after Henry had clambered into the back seat. Regina started up the car and soon pulled out of the parking lot. They drove for about twenty minutes, back toward the town they had walked around today. When they reached the town, Regina parked in a large general parking lot on the edge of the town’s center.

The three of them climbed out of the car. Henry stretched out his gangly limbs after being cramped in the back. He turned to Regina and said, “Which way, Mom?”

Regina pointed to the street to their left, the sidewalks going up and down both sides of the street bustling with people all enjoying the late evening sunlight of summer. They set off at a leisurely pace as they reached the sidewalk and began to walk.

They all walked in companionable silence for a while, even though Regina could tell Emma was getting a little antsy. Henry was walking a few steps ahead of them, and Emma was right by Regina’s side. She could see the tension Emma was carrying in her shoulders. And she began to think about how she wished to take Emma’s hand and soothe some of that tension away.

With that thought firmly situated in her brain, it soon became all Regina could think about; holding Emma’s hand. Some sort of tenacity rose in her then, because she suddenly felt herself filled with just enough bravery to decide that if she was going to woo Emma then she had to actually _do_ it.

She slowed her pace a little so that Henry was a few more steps ahead. And as she expected Emma slowed her pace to match Regina’s. Regina was almost certain Emma didn’t realize she did this, but she’d noticed it a while ago. Emma always seemed to match her pace with whoever was walking with her.

When Henry was a yard or so ahead of them, Regina summoned her courage and turned to Emma. “Emma? Could I, perhaps-“ She stopped to clear her throat and swallow hard, then continued, “Could I hold your hand?”

Emma looked to Regina quickly and she seemed concerned, much to Regina’s dismay. Emma said, “Are your hands cold? It is a little chilly now that the sun is setting. Here.”

With that she reached over and grabbed Regina’s hand closest to her with both of hers and began to rub it between her own. Regina was so caught off guard by the gesture that she didn’t correct the assumption that she was searching for warmth. Emma’s hands were soft on her skin and she found she needed to focus very hard to remember to breathe.

Regina fought the compulsion to roll her eyes at her own ridiculous behavior. Honestly, she couldn’t have been more pathetic if the simple action of holding Emma’s hands was short circuiting her brain like this. Emma had stopped them on the sidewalk for a moment to focus on warming Regina’s not so cold hands. She seemed satisfied with her work though, because she dropped one of her hands and resumed walking. But she tugged Regina along by the hand she hadn’t dropped from Regina’s.

Now Emma was squeezing Regina’s hand and continuing to hold it. Regina remembered something she had overheard Ruby say in the diner a long time ago. Ruby had taken one look at Belle, and muttered to herself under her breath, “Shit, I’m a useless gay mess.”

It had stunned Regina at the time. Not that Ruby was attracted to Belle, that had been obvious to anyone with eyes. But the expression was something Regina had never heard anyone say before. She had found the sentiment odd. She herself had been attracted to women plenty of times in the past, women and men alike. But never had she felt herself rendered a “useless gay mess.”

Now, as she held Emma’s hand and walked down the street, fighting the rising blush in her cheeks and her pounding heart, and not entirely capable of formulating a complete thought, “useless gay mess” seemed an endlessly apt description.

After a few more minutes of walking Regina spotted the restaurant she was looking for. She tugged Emma to a stop and called to Henry. She watched as both of their faces lit up in excitement when they saw the place Regina had brought them to.

“You brought us to a BBQ place?” Emma asked enthusiastically. She squeezed Regina’s hand in her own and pulled their joined hands close to her chest.

Regina managed to choke out a sentence over the casual fluster she was experiencing. “I did. Henry loves barbecue, I know you do as well.”

“Thanks, Mom!” Henry said, trotting into the restaurant, ready to get started.

“Seriously, thank you, Regina.” Emma said too, a little softer. They followed Henry into the restaurant and approached the hostess’s desk so they could wait to be seated. Regina smiled and dipped her chin. “It’s not a big deal, really. I just thought you might enjoy it.”

“You listened. That _is_ a big deal.” Emma said with another squeeze to Regina’s hand. Regina wasn’t sure if she was aware she was doing it, but she wasn’t going to question it. Not when it made her feel so wonderful. Emma continued to say, “Will you find anything to eat here though?”

“I researched their menu before selecting this place. They have a steak that looks quite suitable for me.” Regina replied.

“Steak? Yeah?” Emma said, one eyebrow quirking up.

“Yes. I enjoy a nice steak every once in a while.” Regina said.

“She makes a mean T bone.” Henry chimed in, rubbing his hands together as if he could taste it now.

“Really?” Emma said, flashing an impressed smile. “How come you’ve never made steak when I come over for family dinner?”

“I’m not sure. I suppose I never thought of it.” Regina said, musing. “I’ll have to prepare it for you some time.”

“It’s a date.” Emma said nonchalantly, then she said something to Henry that Regina missed.

Regina had to fight her eyes from bulging out of her head. Emma could not possibly have meant that the way it sounded. It had slipped off her tongue so casually, she couldn’t have realized the implication of her words. Before Regina could ask Emma what she meant, the hostess approached them and led them to a table.

Emma still hadn’t let go of Regina’s hand and Regina was torn between feeling blissful about that, and overanalyzing Emma’s words from before. She could have sworn she saw a smirk on Henry’s face as he looked at them, and she lifted her chin while clenching her teeth. She refused to be embarrassed in front of her son.

When they were seated in a booth, Emma dropped Regina’s hand and slid into one of the seats. Regina clasped her hands together, missing the feeling of Emma’s hand in hers. She ignored Henry’s sharp gaze and sat primly in the booth next to him, across from Emma.

“I hear this place boasts an excellent pulled pork sandwich.” Regina said conversationally. She pulled open her menu and began perusing it. She saw the steak she was going to get for herself, and a myriad of items she knew Henry would enjoy.

Regina felt herself relaxing, even though Emma hadn’t understood her request to hold her hand for what it was, she still had seemed content to hold it for quite some time. And Emma also appeared to be more than excited with her choice of restaurant for the evening, as was Henry. Whether the food was any good was the only thing remaining to be seen.

Regina remembered one of her other goals for tonight, and she turned to Henry and said, "Henry I can see why you enjoyed the shark chapter so much, it was so exciting!"

Henry's face lit up when he realized Regina was talking about his current favorite book, and he enthusiastically jumped into the conversation. When their food arrived; Regina’s steak with a side of rice and grilled vegetables, Henry’s rack of ribs, and Emma’s massive pulled pork sandwich; everyone tucked in. The food was delicious, and Regina counted the evening as a success. Now she only had to get a little braver and tell Emma how she felt.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

After the sun had set and everyone had eaten their fill, they made their way back to the hotel. It was only a little past nine at night, but Henry was tired when they reached their rooms. He kissed his mothers good night, then went to his room.

Regina watched as Emma flopped down on her bed, landing face first in the mattress and groaning. Concerned, Regina approached her and almost put her hand on Emma’s shoulder. She retracted it though, when she thought that perhaps Emma wouldn’t want to be touched right now depending on what was happening.

“Are you alright, dear?” She asked.

Emma groaned again, then rolled over onto her side. “I’m so full.”

“Oh. Well I can’t say I’m surprised. Your sandwich probably could have fed all three of us.” Regina said, striding over to the small counter near the door of the hotel room where she had set her purse. She reached inside and pulled out a small container of Tums, then walked back over to Emma. “I’m sorry, Emma. I certainly didn’t mean for you to get a stomach ache.”

Emma huffed and grunted a little as she convinced herself to sit up, feeling her stomach gurgle with a surge of indigestion at the motion. She ran a hand through her hair to push away what had fallen in her face. “Regina, don’t be silly. You were doing something nice. I’m the one who decided to consume my body weight in pork.”

Emma offered a smile, but Regina could tell she was still very uncomfortable. She popped open the bottle and shook out a couple of the tablets. “Here. Tums. This should help you feel better.”

“You’re amazing.” Emma said gratefully, and took the medicine. After she’d chewed the large tablets, she looked at Regina curiously. “You carry Tums in your purse?”

“I brought some with me for the trip. I thought either you or Henry might need it at some point, with the way you two eat.” Regina said, and the small smile gracing her lips took away any sting her words might otherwise have carried.

Emma hummed in acknowledgement, not really being able to protest Regina’s statement anyway. She closed her eyes and began to doze a little even though she was still sitting up. This happened to her frequently when she ate too much. It was a trait she’d discovered as an adult, never usually having enough food in front of her as a child to satisfy her hunger, much less to over stuff herself. Her first Thanksgiving in Storybrooke, Emma had taken a near two hour turkey nap.

Regina watched as Emma’s heavy eyelids drooped, and stood then. She went to the chest of drawers where she had stored her clothes, and fished out her pajamas; a somewhat modest satin nightgown. She slipped into the bathroom and put it on, enjoying the feel of the smooth fabric on her skin.

She left the bathroom and Emma appeared to still be in her food induced comatose state. Regina murmured Emma’s name and it roused her, sleepy eyes opening and blinking in a bleary way.

“I think you’ll feel better if you get into your pajamas and lay down, Emma.” Regina said.

Emma nodded, and with great effort she stood. Regina was probably right. She walked towards her duffel bag, she hadn’t bothered to unpack anything, and rooted around for some pajamas. Once she’d found her prize, she took the clothes to the bathroom and the door closed behind her. Regina stood in between their beds, unsure of what she should do at this moment.

A couple of minutes later, Emma reemerged from the bathroom dressed in her favorite sweat pants and a ratty tee shirt. She sat on her bed and dropped her top half onto the mattress. Regina watched her for a second, waiting for Emma to settle more, but she didn’t move. She went to where Emma’s feet still touched the ground, and lifted them so she could place them on the bed. Emma groaned again at the movement.

“I’m sorry.” Regina whispered with a wince, now angry with herself.

“Not your fault.” Emma grumbled. Regina watched as Emma’s hand went to her stomach and clutched there, and she got an idea.

“Emma, may I try something? It always used to help Henry feel better when he was little and had a stomach ache.”

“Sure.” Emma said as she shrugged.

Regina climbed onto the bed behind Emma. She helped maneuver her so that her head and shoulders were resting in Regina’s lap and her own stomach. Emma lay half on her side and half on her back now. Regina took a deep breath, then placed her hand on Emma’s stomach. She rubbed in a slow, circular motion where Emma’s belly was bloated. She used her other hand to comb through Emma’s long blonde hair.

Emma was silent for a while. She seemed to relax more and more as Regina continued her motions. Regina hoped she was feeling better, that perhaps she would just drift off to sleep soon. The quiet between them dragged on in a peaceful way. Regina felt her own eyes growing heavy as the repetitive motion lulled her to sleep as well. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed already, but she didn’t want to stop any time soon.

“I broke up with Hook.” Emma blurted out.

Regina jolted. Both at the sound of Emma’s voice and at the words she’d said. Her hand stopped moving for a second, but then quickly resumed when she noticed Emma stiffen.

“What happened?” Regina asked, voice soft in the dim hotel room.

“It was just before we left for this trip. When he came to the diner and got all up in our faces.” Emma said, trailing off there.

“You went outside, and spoke in the alley.” Regina supplied, hoping to encourage Emma to give her more details.

“Yeah,” Emma said, a certain dissonance taking over her voice, “it didn’t go well…”

* * *

 

_Hook was splayed out on the ground in front of her, and for a moment he seemed frozen by his rage and the fact that he had landed ass first on the hard pavement. But Emma knew that wouldn’t last more than another half second, so she acted quickly._

_She slammed her foot into his chest. Not hard enough to bruise or cause any real damage, but hard enough to send a message. And hard enough to knock him completely onto the asphalt where before he was propping himself up by his elbows._

_Emma immediately retracted her foot so he couldn’t use the position to unbalance her and knock her over, turning the tables on her. She took several steps away from him, leveling him with a vicious glare as she said, “It’s over, Hook. I’m done with this.”_

_He was starting to get up now, and he opened his mouth to speak. Whether he was going to try to order her into staying with him, or make an attempt at “charm,” she didn’t know. And she didn’t wait to find out. “_

_Save it. I’m not your woman. I don’t want to be bought, or won, or whatever the fuck else. I don’t love you, Hook. I never did. And I never want to see your face again.” Emma said with damning finality._

_She walked away from the worthless man, and felt a weight lifting off her body. She never took her eyes off him as she backed away. He was on his feet again, and he was angrier than Emma had ever seen him. For a second he looked like he was about to charge after her and continue screaming, demanding, fighting, that Emma belonged to him._

_Emma let some of her magic spark to the surface. She’d had a lot of mixed feelings about using it after her time as the Dark One. But now, keeping herself safe from Hook, she couldn’t think of a more justified use of magic._

_So, she let sparks crackle and fizz off her fingers, glowing with the eerie bluish white of electricity. Hook watched all of this, and Emma saw the coward in him take over. He sneered, spat some vile words at her, then marched off._

* * *

 

“He’s an ass. And I didn’t love him.” Emma said as she finished recounting her story to Regina. She still lay in Regina’s lap, but Regina’s hand had stopped rubbing. It lay over Emma’s stomach now, unmoving but emanating warmth.

“He’s a filthy piece of trash.” Regina bit out, seething. “How dare he put his hands on you? Claim he owns you? I should have shoved a fireball down his throat the first time I saw him.”

Emma snickered at the mental image of Regina scorching Hook, burning his waggling eyebrows off maybe. She said, “I appreciate that. But I’m alright.”

“Are you?” Regina asked.

She observed Emma carefully. Emma was most definitely better off without Hook, and Regina was overjoyed she had sent him packing. She was pretty sure Emma was happy about it herself. But it was clear Emma had invested a lot of emotional energy into her relationship with the pirate in an effort to convince herself she had loved him. She also likely spent a lot of that energy trying to protect herself emotionally from the relationship. It was a lovely shade of cruelty that Regina found herself choking on; expending emotional energy to protect one’s emotions. She was snapped out of her thoughts when Emma spoke to answer her question.

“Yeah. I feel a lot better now than I have in a long time. I’m glad to be rid of him.” Emma said.

“Well, I’m delighted then. He wasn’t worth the mud on your boots. And, Emma, you deserve to be happy.” Regina said.

“Thanks.” Emma whispered. She was quiet again for a while, but then she laughed and said, “You should have seen his face when his ass hit the ground.”

Regina smiled darkly to no one but herself and found herself wishing she could have been there to witness Hook being put in his place. But she sighed after a moment and said, “As much fun as that would have been, I’m still sorry that it got violent. For your sake.”

Emma shifted where she lay on the bed and on Regina’s lap so that she was fully on her back and looking up at Regina’s face. She shrugged, and Regina felt the movement against her body. She looked to Emma who said, “It’s fine, Regina. It wasn’t the worst break up I’ve ever had.”

“It wasn’t?” Regina said, feeling a lump rise in her throat as she tried to think of what worse could have happened to Emma.

“No. He wasn’t the worst guy I’ve dated either. Though he was pretty close.” Emma said, so casual Regina could have pretended she was talking about baseball.

Regina snorted derisively, and said, “What a low bar it must have been for Hook to have surpassed it.”

Emma blew out a puff of air and said, “Yeah, you could say that.” She shrugged again, and continued, “Some people are horrible.”

Regina scoffed in an agreeing way. It was so simply put, but so irrefutable. “Yes, they are. I’ve known some truly horrible people myself.”

“What was your worst break up?” Emma asked, pressing the side of her face into the soft, warmth of Regina’s stomach.

Regina was quiet for a while. Emma stiffened when she realized what she’d said, what she’d asked Regina. And that she already knew the answer. She opened her mouth to apologize, to tell Regina she didn’t have to answer, but Regina spoke before she could.

In a far away voice, Regina said, “When my mother crushed Daniel’s heart, I would say. Some others would probably say when I murdered your grandfather.”

Emma was still stiff, and Regina was sure she was going to leave those words hanging in the air, too disgusted by Regina to respond. Unable to bear the silence, Regina added, “I am one of the truly horrible people, Emma.”

“Don’t say that.” Came Emma’s instant reply, quiet and strained.

“Emma,” Regina began, but she was not allowed to finish.

“No, please don’t go down that road, Regina. Look, I’m no idiot, despite what people might think about me. I know you’ve done horrible things. Probably on a scale I can’t even appreciate. But I know you. I know your past, and I know you now. You’ve changed. Who you are now, she matters. It’s important, how hard you’ve worked to make yourself a better person. And you are a better person. You’re a great person.” Emma said, and she did so fiercely Regina could almost let herself believe in it. Almost.

“Do you really see me like that?” Regina asked. She closed her eyes, uncertain if she could handle looking at Emma when she answered.

“Absolutely.” Emma said. “You’re working so hard. You’re trying. I know you are. I see it every day. I respect that so much. And you’re doing it. You’ve come so far. You’re an awesome mom to Henry, he loves you. And I mean you’re pretty much my favorite person. Well aside from the kid, you know.”

“You mean that?” Regina asked hoarsely, her eyes having flown open when Emma had said she was her favorite person aside from their son. She had spent so long festering in her self hatred, so convinced that Emma could never see her the way she saw Emma. And of course Emma could have meant what she said in a platonic sense, and maybe she even likely did. But a fire was bursting through Regina now, and she found herself wanting to embrace it. To see where it took her. This could be it, she just had to say _something_.

“Yeah, I really do Regina.” Emma said, and she was smiling quite brightly now. “You were the first person I saw after walking away from Hook and I couldn’t have been happier about that. I mean that’s why I gave you that giant hug. It felt so right. I was walking away from him, and toward you. Toward my family. I felt like I’d made the right choice for once.”

Regina had tears in her eyes now, along with a large, almost giddy grin. “Emma.” She breathed out. This _was_ it. She could feel it in her gut, it was now. She didn’t want to wait any longer. She cupped Emma’s cheek gently with one hand, looking to the woman she loved in her lap. She took a deep breath, and went for it.

“Emma, I love you so much. I want to be your right choice. Emma, I’m so in love with you.”


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some references to abuse in this chapter, none graphic. Also, warning, for anyone who likes Swanfire this chapter is not really for you. I don't want to offend anyone but I really do not like their relationship, at least not the way it started and how young Emma was when they met.

_“Emma, I love you so much. I want to be your right choice. Emma, I’m so in love with you.”_

Everything in the room froze. Emma went stiff and Regina felt her reaction where Emma was still laying her head in Regina’s lap. Absolute terror seized Regina’s system. Her eyes went wide as she watched Emma’s stunned face. This was a mistake. How could she have ever convinced herself that Emma could love her back. _What have I done?_

Emma slowly lifted her head and pulled herself into a sitting position. She ran both of her hands through her hair and blew out a long breath of air. Regina’s eyes were cast down toward a spot of floor in the corner of the room, unable to bear looking Emma’s rejection in the eye. Tears were streaming out of her eyes already but she was fighting the heave of a sob, not wanting to make an even bigger fool of herself in front of Emma now.

She felt the need to explain herself, to say something, to cling to the hope that maybe this wasn’t all a huge mistake. She wiped at her eyes as subtly as she could and turned to Emma, who was staring blankly, with wide open eyes, at seemingly nothing.

“I’m sorry, Emma,” she said in a hoarse voice, “maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. For the longest time I told myself I shouldn’t. I probably could have chosen a more opportune time to tell you as well, I suppose. But it’s out there now. And I want you to know, that I’ve only just decided recently that I even wanted to take a shot at this. To put myself in the ring as a potential suitor, if you’ll allow the term. But all of that is with the very important caveat that if you don’t want that kind of attention from me then I’ll stop immediately. This is your choice entirely, Emma.”

Regina concluded her little speech and it felt like her lungs were burning. Silly as it was, she’d let her own words return some hope to her. But watching Emma’s still blank expression was seeing to it that the sensation drained from her quickly. She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat and waited for Emma to say anything, anything at all.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.” Emma finally did speak. Her affect was blunted, and she seemed lost somewhere in her own mind.

Regina wasn’t sure what to do with that at all. Her mouth opened once, then clicked shut again. With bemusement, she settled on, “You’re welcome.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth then Emma stood abruptly. Regina watched in shock as Emma strode to the door, saying “I’m going to take a walk.”

* * *

 

There was a little bit of a chill in the air as Emma strode down the sidewalk. When the thought occurred to her, she thought also of Regina’s request to hold her hand earlier. She had just assumed her hands were cold, but now she was pretty sure that wasn’t what Regina had been thinking. She felt like an idiot now and she kicked a rock out of her way.

It wasn’t a very scenic area that she was walking through. It was near the local expressway and she was walking along a chain link fence with some tall scraggly grass on the other side of it. To her other side was a sandy strip of concrete that separated the sidewalk and the road.

She didn’t really want to be out here, but she needed to think. Needed to try to understand what Regina had said. She loved her. Regina loved her. And not in just a familial sense. Regina was in love with her. Her first instinct was to panic at that thought.

Hook had said he loved her, and that had turned to shit. And maybe she had never loved him in the first place so it was doomed. And maybe she hadn’t even been attracted to him. And maybe he was also an awful man, so that didn’t help. But Emma wasn’t sure if she had the stomach to be loved again.

A voice in her mind told her this was different. This was _Regina._ Regina didn’t love like Hook. And Emma _did_ love Regina. She was Henry’s mother, she was her best friend, she was her family, her favorite person after all. Of course she loved Regina. But was there something else there? She’d never looked for it before.

Maybe it had been finding her though, as she thought about the slightly electric touches they’d exchanged just this week. And it felt nice when she was holding Regina’s hand before. Nothing like when she’d held Hook’s. His was too large, it squeezed hers much too tight and hurt her the smallest bit. Regina’s hand was soft, and it felt almost intimate the way it held on firmly but never too hard.

Regina was a beautiful woman, Emma mused. And once her brain turned down that avenue, it was hard to turn back. She thought of Regina’s dark, expressive eyes. Of her smile; radiant and indulgent when looking at Henry, tranquil and amused when looking at seahorses. Her flawless skin, the little scar above her lip. When she thought of the scar, the sudden thought of kissing it popped into her mind.

It caught her off guard. Since when did she think about kissing Regina? Since Regina had confessed her love for Emma, she guessed. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out here, kicking around rocks and breathing in the night air. She hadn’t thought to grab her phone when she left earlier, and she had no way of knowing what time it was.

She tilted her head up and looked at the inky black sky. This was scaring the crap out of her, but she figured she’d been hiding out here for long enough. Regina deserved a conversation, even if Emma had no idea what she was really going to say. What she wanted. She figured she’d just have to make it up as she went. Emma turned around, and headed back to the hotel. Back to Regina.

* * *

The door clicked shut, and Regina was alone in the room. She gaped at the door for a moment, before sucking in a sharp breath. Emma left. She’d really been so upset by the idea of Regina’s love that she’d left. With a twisting, knife like pain in her gut, Regina stood from Emma’s bed where not just five minutes ago she had been rubbing Emma’s tummy.

She wanted so badly not to cry about this, to not be devastated. Had she really allowed herself to believe Emma could love her back? She felt the thick, sticky poison of her own self loathing well up in her system. Emma could never love someone like her.

And a very quiet voice in the back of Regina’s mind insisted with her, _but I’m Emma’s favorite person._ Regina had to scoff at that. It obviously didn’t mean to Emma what it did to her. She climbed into her own bed and burrowed herself under the covers, only just resisting pulling them up over her head like Henry used to do as a young boy when he was throwing a tantrum.

She tried not to cry, she really didn’t want to. But it was fruitless, because the tears came anyway. She tried to sleep, but it didn’t come. She went back and forth between staring at the dark room and the dark of her own eyelids. Her cheeks were wet with the tears that continued to flow, and her eyes were beginning to burn.

She didn’t know how much time she spent like that, crying as silently as she could in the dark. She thought it had lasted forever already. The door to their hotel room opened again, and Regina sat up abruptly. She glanced at the clock and saw only a little over an hour had passed.

Emma had returned, and she seemed a little more at ease than when she left the room. But she also appeared incredibly determined. About what, Regina didn’t know. Perhaps she had determined to kick Regina out of the room.

She tried to ignore Emma’s gaze, but Emma had her eyes on Regina from the second she walked back in the room. And a few short seconds after that Emma said, voice quiet and surprised, “You’re crying.”

Regina wiped at her cheeks and eyes, and steadfastly denied Emma’s claim. It was pointless, she knew. Even if Emma wasn’t a human lie detector, or perhaps more specifically a Regina lie detector, the evidence was plain on her face. But she’d be damned if she actually admitted it to Emma.

Voice still small, Emma said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“You didn’t.” Regina huffed and insisted.

Emma didn’t bother to push the issue. Instead she looked at her feet, dark shadows falling over her face in the unlit room. “I just needed to wrap my head around this. I’m sorry I left, I needed to be by myself to process what you said.”

Regina squeezed her eyes shut tight. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t listen to Emma’s soft voice, so gentle with her rejection. It was almost worse than when she had thought Emma was going to yell at her or kick her out. She had to put an end to this conversation now.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you so much with what I said. Let’s just forget I said anything.”

“Wait, what?” Came Emma’s quick reply. And Regina wasn’t certain, but she almost seemed like she was upset now. Emma continued, “Do you want to forget it because you didn’t mean it? Like are you taking it back? Because if you said those things, and now you don’t mean them…” She trailed off a little there, but found her voice again to say, “That’s pretty fucked, Regina.”

Regina pinched the bridge of her nose. This was not going well. “No, Emma. That’s not it.”

“Well then what are you saying?” Emma asked, then in a hurt whisper she said, “You regret loving me?”

“No!” Regina cried as loudly as she dared with Henry in the next room. “I could never regret loving you, Emma.”

Emma sat down on her own bed, facing Regina’s across the three foot gap between their beds and she looked so tired. “Then please help me, Regina, cause I’m lost here.”

“I meant what I said tonight, Emma.” Regina said quietly, supposing she wasn’t going to get out of this conversation after all. She clutched a hand over her own stomach as she talked.

“Why do you want to take it back then?” And Emma sounded so small, like a little girl sent away from a foster home yet again. Regina could have smacked herself for making Emma feel that way, especially upon hearing Emma’s next words. “Is it because you’re a queen, and I’m just me?”

“Emma, what?” Regina said, stunned. Her own voice filled with acid as her self loathing frothed up inside her. “If anything, it’s because I’m the _Evil_ Queen, and you’re the _savior._ ”

“God I hate that word. _Savior._ It’s absurd. I can’t do it, I’m not-“ but she cut herself off there as something must have occurred to her. “Wait, you think _you’re_ not good enough for _me?_ ”

Regina sighed, unsure why she would have to spell this out for Emma. “How is that a stretch? You’re a hero. I’m a villain. Isn’t it as simple as that?”

Emma rolled her eyes and said, “What, have you been talking to a ten year old Henry, or something? Even he doesn’t see things so black and white anymore.” Then Emma’s voice got gentler, but firm. “I’m no saint, Regina. And there’s so much more to you than a sinner.”

Regina did not have the energy for this conversation, not when the knife in her gut was still twisting, and she just wanted to hide under the covers and lick her wounds. She couldn’t handle Emma being nice to her right now. She sighed again, and said, “I honestly don’t even know how we got here. Because it’s kind of irrelevant. My point was just that you didn’t seem thrilled by my revelation. So rather than drag this out, why don’t we just agree to forget this ever happened.”

“Well, maybe we should.” Emma said, and she sounded annoyed. There was the anger Regina had been expecting.

She wasn’t expecting the extra punch to the gut that compounded the twisting, stabbing knife, however. She bit her lip, and said with as little of a whimper as she could manage, “Alright. I guess I’ll just go back to bed then.”

Regina slid back under the covers and lay down on her side, back turned to Emma so she couldn’t see her trembling lip and eyes now streaming again. She curled her knees up high and pulled her arms in close to her chest. Perhaps she looked ridiculous, in the fetal position, but she didn’t have it in her to care right now.

Several minutes passed and she heard no sound. But then a sharp, frustrated huff cut through the silence, followed by Emma’s quiet, almost desperate voice.

“Regina, wait.”

Regina didn’t get up, or acknowledge Emma. She just wanted to suffer in peace, but Emma kept talking.

“I’m not good at this, okay? And I’ll admit my first instinct in tough situations is to run. I’m not good with my emotions, Regina. Understanding them or talking about them. But, I need to be more of an adult about these kinds of things. No time like the present, right? So I’m here, I’m not running. Let’s talk. Just don’t, don’t tell me how I feel. Please.”

Regina listened to Emma’s words. She stayed where she was, and in a little voice, asked, “How _do_ you feel?”

“Scared.” Emma admitted.

Regina flinched, and she hoped it wasn’t noticeable in the dark and under the covers. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, “I don’t mean to scare you.”

“Not like that, Regina. Don’t go there. I’m not scared _of_ you or something ridiculous like that. I’m scared because this is a big deal. For a lot of reasons. I mean, you and me, it’s- it would be so…”

“Would it really be so absurd?” Regina asked, hating the wobbling of her voice.

“No. And that’s my point. It would be the most real _thing_ I’ve ever had.” Emma said. She paused, and Regina could tell she had a lot to say. She waited, unsure what else to do. Emma spoke again, “I realized something when I was out walking. I haven’t had a major relationship that was healthy. Neal? He was my first, well my first everything. But I was 17 when we met. And he was, I don’t even know how many hundreds of years old. And even if he didn’t look 300 or whatever, he definitely looked like a grown ass 30 year old man when we were together. And I never really thought about how _fucked up_ that is. I was a kid! And he left me in jail, pregnant with his kid. _I_ was still a kid.” Emma added the last sentence in a whisper.

Regina sat up then, and finally turned to face Emma again. Emma had pulled her legs onto the bed and was now sitting with them loosely crossed like a child in kindergarten listening to a story. Her back was slouched and her head hung low.

“Emma…” Regina said, voice almost pleading. She didn’t know what else to say. Emma looked up at her then, and looked her in the eyes. Her green eyes were brimming with tears and anger and hurt, and despite everything Regina found herself wishing she could wrap Emma up in a hug and hold her tight. But Emma wasn’t done. She could see it in her body, there was more Emma needed to say.

“And then there’s Hook.” Emma spat his name out like something foul tasting. “And you know how that was. I mean, I knew how abusive he is. For fucks sake, he threatened to kill himself just to manipulate me. He threatened to kill all of us! What the _fuck._ And I stayed with him!” Emma was shaking a little now, her hands were curled into tight fists and her knuckles were turning white. “He just drained everything from me. Everything. And all that’s left is this hollowed out bitch who let her boyfriend do whatever evil shit he pleased. Because why? Because he said he loved me?”

Regina wanted to derail this line of thought, that it was Emma’s fault, anything Hook did. But she didn’t want to interrupt. She kept her mouth shut, and let Emma know she was listening.

“It didn’t feel very good, whether it was love or not. I ran away from him, and his version of love. But it doesn’t make any of what happened okay. And now you’re telling me you love me. And that’s fucking terrifying, Regina. You, this, us? It’s the only good relationship I’ve had with another adult. I mean, I know I have Snow and David, and friends in town. But it’s not the same. It’s never been as good as it is with you, Regina. We understand each other. And I couldn’t bear it if you loved me like the only way I know how to be loved.”

Emma’s voice was stuttering in the end. She was crying and she swiped the back of one hand across her tear soaked cheeks. She seemed to be done for now, so Regina stood from her bed and sat next to Emma on the edge of hers.

“Oh, Emma.” She said softly, brushing curls of blonde hair away from Emma’s eyes, and tucking them behind her ear. “None of that is your fault. Hook, Neal, the way they loved you, that wasn’t because of anything wrong with you. It was what’s wrong with them. You made some bad choices, yes. But you’re not a bitch by any means. And you are not to blame for Hook’s abuse, or for how old you were when Neal set his eyes on you. Hook’s actions were never your fault, though I’m sure he made you to believe they were. But that’s classic, isn’t it? You are not responsible for his evil.”

Emma sniffled a little, then turned her head to look at Regina. “How do you know so much about this?”

“Because I have been in your position.” She said vaguely.

“The king?” Emma asked.

“Yes.” Regina answered, closing her eyes, trying to ward off the bile rising in her throat at the thought of the man. “And my mother. And Rumple, I suppose. Each in their own way. And I have spent many years talking with Archie, working very hard to get to a point where I can say that what they did to me was not my fault.”

Emma nodded, and seemed to consider this. She turned her gaze away from Regina again, and said in a harsh acerbic tone, “I wish I wasn’t related to that monster.”

Regina sighed, and her shoulders drooped. She’d spent a lot of time wrestling with the same thought. “Me too.”

“Regina?”

“Yes?”

“Will you say it again?” Came the quiet request.

“It’s not your fault.” Regina said, trying to pour as much conviction as she could into her words.

But Emma shook her head. She cupped Regina’s cheek and said, “Not that.”

Regina sucked in a sharp breath and closed her eyes, allowing herself to feel Emma’s soft skin on her face. What other thing? Maybe, just maybe…

“I love you.” Regina took a chance.

Emma smiled so bright, Regina had to blink. The next thing she knew, Emma was drawing their faces together, pulling them into a kiss.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this chapter and fixed a few things that were really bugging me. Of course I didn't notice them until after I uploaded, but such is life. I hope y'all will check it out and enjoy the small changes I made!

Regina felt the warmth of the early morning sun on her face as she blinked her eyes open. The ducks must have been communing a parliament that morning, as their chorus of quacks rang out exceptionally loudly today. Regina grumbled a little in annoyance, but she was actually getting used to the silly birds. It was entertaining, after all, to toss them corn and oats over the balcony.

She closed her eyes again, content to ignore the ducks for now, and snuggled further under the covers. That was when she realized there was a warm body pressed close to hers. Her eyes flew open and she saw a mess of blonde curls poking over the top of the covers.

They hid half of Emma’s face, where the other half was obscured by the pillow she was mashing it into. Emma let out a little snort and the accompanying breath of air blew some hair around in front of her.

Regina felt adrenaline and joy surge through her system. Emma Swan was in her arms. And this time, it wasn’t because of an illness-induced, sleepy haze. She smiled, feeling heat rise in her cheeks as she thought back to the night before. Emma had kissed her. She had told Emma she loved her, and she had kissed her.

True, Emma had panicked and walked out and they hadn’t exactly had the smoothest start. If they could call it a start. In truth, Regina wasn’t sure what to call it. Emma hadn’t professed any love for Regina, she hadn’t even truly said she accepted Regina’s love for her. But she had kissed her, and that had to mean something, didn’t it?

Regina licked her lips, remembering the taste of Emma against them. The kiss had started chaste, a simple, feather light press. But then Regina had deepened it. She had been still when Emma first leaned forward, too stunned to move. But she had quickly snapped into action, and pulled Emma a little closer to her by cupping her hand around the back of Emma’s neck.

She had parted her lips and sucked Emma’s bottom one between her own. And Emma had responded by flicking her tongue across Regina’s scar on her upper lip. When Emma’s tongue had finished caressing the little mark, Regina had welcomed it into her mouth and stroked her own tongue over Emma’s.

She remembered the sound of Emma’s moan when she had sucked on Emma’s tongue, and the tingling it had sent racing down her spine. They had broken apart for air, and Regina had found that her left hand had weaved in Emma’s hair, and her right arm was wrapped around Emma's back, pulling her close. Emma’s hands were on Regina’s hips, burning fingerprints into her skin with the heat of their touch, even through the slippery fabric covering Regina’s skin.

She had looked into Emma’s eyes after they broke the kiss, trying to figure out if any of it was real, if it had actually just happened, or if it was just an elaborate trick of her mind. But Emma had just smiled, and placed one more kiss to Regina’s mouth. It was short, but not quite innocent, with Emma slipping her bottom lip between Regina’s again for a brief moment.

Then Emma had tugged them both to lie down on the bed. Wordlessly, she pulled the covers over both of them, then snuggled into Regina. Emma’s arm slipped loosely around Regina’s waist, and she tucked her head underneath Regina’s chin.

Regina could have cried right then, being able to hold Emma. She had pressed her body closer to Emma’s, and tried to feel her heart beating against her own. When she did feel the soft thumping, a small tear did escape her.

One of her arms was tucked in between them, bent at the elbow and caught between their bodies. Her other was draped over Emma’s shoulder. She had listened to Emma’s breathing, and felt her heartbeat, and tried to memorize both. Soon, Emma’s breathing had evened out and Regina could tell she had fallen asleep.

Regina didn’t want to fall asleep. She wanted to stay awake and remember everything. The way Emma’s body felt pressed against hers, the blonde hairs tickling her chin, the feel of the steady beat of Emma’s heart, and her lips occasionally brushing against Regina’s collar bone. All of it, she didn’t want to forget a single thing.

She wanted to be awake to experience all of it. She found the time passing blissfully as she let herself burrow deeper into the embrace and the covers, creating a sort of cocoon for herself and Emma.

Eventually, she had drifted off, though she didn’t know when. And now, awake again, she found herself in the same position as the night before. Holding Emma in her arms, loving every moment of it, and trying to revel in the feel of it all.

Emma had moved her head off of Regina’s chest throughout the night and over a few inches onto the pillow. Though Regina missed the contact, she enjoyed being able to see Emma’s face. What little she could through the mess of blonde hair covering it up. Regina's right arm was trapped under Emma's body, as they both lay on their sides, facing each other.

With a little smile, and a hesitant movement, Regina reached for Emma’s face with her left hand and gently brushed some of the woman’s mane to the side. She felt a little sense of pride when she noticed Emma’s countenance was smooth, free of worry deep wrinkles that seemed to plague her when she slept.

Regina couldn’t stop herself from tracing the line of Emma’s cheekbone with her fingers, drawing over the pale skin and observing the contrast of their complexions; Emma’s milky white and her own tanned light brown. She then moved her fingers down to Emma’s pink lips, running the tips of her fingers over the bottom one reverently.

That was when Emma began to stir, and Regina retracted her hand quick enough to hope she hadn’t been caught. Regina watched and waited, as Emma blinked her eyes open slowly. Her eyelashes fluttered a little as she woke, and Emma smiled back when she saw Regina looking at her with a small grin.

In a gravelly morning voice, Emma said, “This is the second time in less than a week that we’ve woken up like this.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Regina asked, her own voice husky as well at the early hour. She chewed her lip, wondering if Emma was regretting her actions the night before.

“No. But it does make me wonder how it took us this long to get here.” Emma said, and watched Regina carefully for a reaction.

It came in the form of a single word, breathed out on a sigh, “Emma…”

“But then again, I guess we both know how.” Emma said, closing her eyes and swallowing. Before she could go too far down the path of self deprecation, Regina spoke again.

“Where is here, Emma? I told you I love you and you kissed me, but, I don’t know what you want.” Regina wasn’t sure if she sounded a little desperate but she couldn’t muster the energy to care. She was too tired.

“I don’t think I really know that either.” Emma admitted.

“Oh.” Regina said, short and quiet.

“But,” Emma started, hoping she could convey what she wanted to say, “I know I want to figure it out.”

Regina wanted to be hopeful, she wanted to take Emma’s face in her hands and kiss her senseless. But she couldn’t bring herself to hope, exactly. Not yet. Not if Emma wasn’t sure. She smiled, and couldn’t stop herself from reaching across the small space of the mattress that separated them and taking Emma’s hand in hers. She wasn’t sure if that counted as bold, or perhaps too bold, but she twined her fingers with Emma’s, and tried to just let this moment be something that didn’t involve her fear of getting her heart broken for once.

“That’s good, I suppose.” She murmured, and Emma could tell she was hedging. She wished for more words, for better words, so that she could really make Regina understand what she was trying to say.

She tried again, giving Regina’s hand in hers a squeeze for good measure. “I mean that, this feels different. Like when you tell me you love me, I don’t feel hollow. I feel full, if that makes sense.”

Regina furrowed her brow a little, thinking maybe she understood, but not following completely. Emma, seeing this, continued. “When Hook loves me, I’m hollow, but I’m heavy. When you love me, I’m full but I’m feather light. Does that make sense?”

“Maybe? Is this a good thing?” Regina asked, feeling a bit like a broken record this morning.

“I think it is. It definitely feels much freer.” Emma said, now taking Regina’s hand in both of hers and playing with her fingers as she quietly added, “I’m still scared though.”

Regina nodded, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She watched Emma lightly touch all of her fingers, felt the corresponding tingling sensation shoot up her arm at such gentle touch, then drew her eyes up to meet Emma’s. “So where do we go from here?”

Emma sucked in big breath, then blew it out. She gave a little smile then said, “I think we try this, try to be an us.”

Regina closed her eyes. She had wanted for so long to hear Emma say those words to her. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes.”

Regina could feel tears slipping from her eyes, sliding sideways down her face as her head still rested on her pillow, facing Emma. Her voice cracked a little as she said, “Emma, I need you to mean that you’ll try to love me too. I’m going to do everything I can to prove to you that I love you. That I won’t hurt you. But I can’t be the only one who puts effort into this.”

Emma stopped playing with Regina’s fingers, she laced them again, and squeezed once more for good measure. “We’ll do this together, okay?”

Regina opened her eyes again. She realized that as much as she wanted this, had wanted it for so long, she was scared too. But in that moment, she took a leap of faith. She gave a tentative smile and said, “Okay.”

She continued to hold Emma’s hand, sweeping the pad of her thumb over the back of Emma’s hand. She looked to Emma’s lips, and suddenly she wanted to feel them again. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” Emma whispered.

Regina, let out a very small half laugh, half cry when the relief hit her that this was happening, that she was going to be with Emma, that she could kiss Emma. She moved her hand that was trapped under Emma’s body still, and cupped Emma’s cheek that rested against the pillow. Still holding Emma’s hand with her other, she propped herself up on her elbow so she was leaning over Emma. She leaned closer, and her eyes fluttered closed as her lips met Emma’s.

She was gasping into Emma’s mouth next, when Emma pulled her down to rest on top of her and deepened the kiss. Emma had rolled onto her back, and Regina’s full weight rested on her now, pushing her into the mattress a little. Their hands that were clasped together had moved up above Emma’s head on the pillow. Emma’s other hand caressed the small of Regina’s back, and Regina whimpered as she felt the warmth of Emma’s hand through the satin of her nightgown.

Emma enjoyed the soft, smooth fabric beneath her fingers. She doubted it compared to the feel of Regina’s bare skin, but she didn’t let herself explore further. There would be time for that later, and she was in no rush now. Regina’s body pressed against hers and it was warm and solid and Emma wouldn’t have traded the feeling for anything.

Regina felt herself get bolder. Her hand was still cupping Emma’s cheek, and she stroked it with her thumb, as she pulled Emma’s bottom lip between hers and nibbled a little. She heard Emma moan, and smirked into the kiss, enjoying the sound just as much as she had last night. She flicked her tongue against Emma’s lips and they parted for her instantly. Regina slipped her tongue inside, and shivered pleasantly at the taste of Emma.

Regina was mapping the roof of Emma’s mouth, while Emma was stroking the underside of her tongue with the tip of her own when the door opened. Regina felt hands grip her biceps and lift her off Emma, as she herself was scrambling to put some distance between them. Hair wild, and eyes wilder, Regina whipped her head around to see Henry standing in the doorway with a dropped jaw.

“Holy shit!” He shouted, then scurried away quickly and shut the door behind him.

Regina brought both hands to her face and buried it behind them for a second, trying to reign in her shame at having been caught making out by her son. She felt the familiar sense of hatred crawling across her skin as it really sunk in. She’d been so happy to be kissing Emma, but how could she have been so _foolish_ as to do so when only a door separated them from their son?

She felt Emma scooting closer to her on the bed, until their sides were pressed together, then an arm slung over her shoulder. She dropped her head to Emma’s chest and let herself be pulled in for a hug. Emma was quiet, and Regina wasn’t sure what that meant, so she just drew comfort from the embrace.

Emma rubbed Regina’s upper arm with one hand as she tried to calm her own mortification. She could feel heat rising in her chest and face, and she was sure her fair skin looked redder than her burn from Saturday afternoon.

Eventually, Regina picked her head up away from her hands and looked at Emma. She was flushed and chewing her lip, and Regina considered that Emma was likely feeling the tremendous embarrassment she was experiencing as well. She sighed, and took Emma’s hand, trying not to enjoy too much in this moment that she was able to do this small gesture now. But the aspect of facing this together was certainly soothing.

Emma spoke up then, interrupting her thoughts, “Do you think he hates us?”

Regina blinked a couple of times, surprised at the question. “No, Emma. I’m sure he doesn’t. Though all three of us may have a hard time making eye contact for a while.”

Emma groaned and flopped back on the bed, covering her eyes with her hand. “We obviously have to talk to him now. But what if he doesn’t want us to be together? What if he thinks it’s a bad idea?”

“Oh, well…” Regina said, a bit sheepish, and trailing off when she was unsure how to inform Emma that their son already knew more than she thought he did.

“What?” Emma asked, narrowing her eyes, and sitting up again.

“Well, he already knew how I feel for you.” Regina admitted.

“He did?” Emma asked, sounding a little confused.

“Yes, he actually figured it out on his own. And he talked to me about it.” Regina said, trying to smile with encouragement. “And he seemed to be quite intent on the idea of his moms being together. In fact, I believe he even used the term ‘real family.’”

“He did?” Emma asked, feeling a tad less queasy.

“Yes, he did.” Regina said, placing her hand on Emma’s knee and squeezing. “I think he’ll be just fine with the idea of us together.”

“Okay.” Emma said, still a little hesitant.

Regina felt the uneasiness burn through her then as she thought of what Henry saw. “We have to be more careful though, Emma. Much more careful. I don’t want him to see anything like that, ever again.”

“Agreed.” Emma said instantly. “We have to go talk to him now, don’t we?”

“Yes. Or at least offer. He might need time to try to… unsee what he saw.” Regina added with a slight grimace.

Emma shuddered and said, “I know the feeling. I’ve walked in on my parents before. I’m a grown ass woman and I was still scarred after what I saw.”

Regina’s grimace deepened at the thought of Snow and Charming engaged in any sort of amorous activity, and worse, at witnessing it. She clutched her stomach as she considered the possibility that they may have just scarred Henry emotionally.

Emma rubbed Regina's back up and down, but one look to her face told Regina she was just as worried. Never one to shy away from a difficult task, Regina sighed, shook her shoulders a little, and fought her way to composure. She extricated herself from the bed, and grabbed her robe to cover herself more. It draped down past her knees and obscured completely the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra under her nightgown.

Emma hopped off the bed, and she tried to tame her hair that was disheveled from sleep and kissing Regina. When she was tired of fighting with it, she reached for the hair band on her wrist and tied the blonde curls up in a sloppy bun. Dressed in her tee shirt and sweatpants that she had put on the night before, she felt comfortable enough talking to Henry then.

A moment of doubt and insecurity overtook Regina. She turned worried eyes to Emma and asked, “What are we telling him, exactly? Are we telling him we’re in a relationship? Are we in a relationship?”

Emma took Regina’s hand in hers and squeezed, then nodded her head. “That’s exactly what we tell him.” She dropped Regina’s hand a second later, thinking it best to avoid any physical contact with each other in front of Henry for the time being.

With similar blushes tinging both mothers’ cheeks pink, they approached Henry’s door. Regina was the one to raise her hand and knock. After a short pause, they heard Henry call for them to come in. Regina took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Henry was sitting on his bed, a book in his hands that he clearly wasn’t reading, and the tips of his ears burning red. He was bouncing his foot up and down in a jittery manner that Regina had seen Emma do as well, and when she noticed she began berating herself internally for causing him any distress or anxiety.

She sat on the edge of the bed next to him, and Emma, unsure of what she should do, mimicked the position on his other side. Regina ran her fingers through Henry’s hair, an action that had soothed him since he was a little boy.

He gave up pretending to read his book and he turned his eyes to Regina. “So much for never telling her how you feel, I guess?”

Regina let out a little chuckle and nodded. “I guess so,” she conceded.

He looked to his hand on his lap, and Emma chimed in.

“Kid, your mother and I, we’re um, well we’re going to try being in a relationship.” She said, and then felt compelled to add, “You know, with each other.”

“I mean I had kind of worked that out.” Henry said, laughing a little.

Emma felt relief seep into her as she observed his expression. She watched it morph into a beaming smile, and she couldn’t fight her own smile in return.

“I’m really happy for you guys, I am.” He said, then turned to Regina. “I mean I told you already it’s what I’ve wanted for a while. I definitely wish I hadn’t found out about this change in your relationship the way I did,” he said with a shudder similar to that of Emma’s when thinking of her own parents, “but I’m actually just really relieved you two finally stopped pretending this wasn’t what you both wanted.”

Emma gave Henry a confused look. She was about to open her mouth to ask what he meant, to inform him that she still hadn’t even unmuddled her own brain enough to know what the hell she wanted, but Regina started talking first. She had latched on to a different part of Henry’s statement.

“Henry, Emma and I, we’re deeply sorry you saw what you did see this morning. It certainly won’t happen again.” She said, voice deep with sincerity.

“Yeah, kid. We’ll be much more careful.” Emma chimed in.

He shrugged, and wiped the back of his neck with his hand. His ears were burning again. “I mean, I get it, you two are just starting whatever it is between you. And I guess it could have been worse. You could have been naked.”

He said ‘naked’ with such distaste, displaying a grimace much like Regina’s from before. Regina smiled at her little boy, still such a sweetheart. “Regardless, Henry, you don’t have to worry about that, it’s our responsibility to keep you from being exposed to that aspect of our relationship. Emma and I will make sure you won’t see anything of that nature in the future.”

“Thank you. It was pretty gross.” Henry said, his smile returning. “But I think we should all just stop talking about it now.”

“I second that!” Emma said, jumping at the chance to leave the discussion behind. She waited a beat, then threw an arm around Henry’s shoulders and ruffled his hair.

He pushed her away, but laughed. “Knock it off, Ma.”

“Hey, Regina, the kid thinks he’s too old for noogies now.” Emma said, feigning disbelief.

Regina rolled her eyes affectionately as Emma lunged at Henry and began ruffling his hair again, this time much more dramatically. Henry retaliated by poking Emma’s sides until she let up, both of them laughing. As soon as he was free, Henry scooted out from between his moms and jumped off the bed to prevent a repeat attack. He smoothed down his hair and straightened his rumpled pajamas.

Emma watched him fix himself, and couldn’t help but seeing so much of Regina shine through in him. She felt the emotion catch in her throat, and gave Regina a shy smile. Regina winked at her, then stood from the bed as well.

“Well, I think we should all get dressed and have some breakfast. Does anyone have any ideas for where to go today?” Regina said.

At that comment, something dawned on Emma. “Hey, what happened to your itinerary? You had like every minute of every day planned.”

Regina looked at her feet nervously before admitting, “We’re still following it, actually.”

“What, how?” Emma asked.

“Well I left certain things open ended. Like which towns we visited on which day. I thought that would be better decided by consensus. As well as which restaurants, seeing as how I was unfamiliar with the local eateries when making the schedule. But I have sections of time blocked off for eating, shopping, beaches, all of that.” Regina explained quietly.

“You didn’t notice she was keeping a schedule, Ma? We’ve been eating lunch and dinner at pretty much exactly the same time every day.” Henry asked, looking a little surprised.

“Not really. You didn’t say anything about it directly, Regina.”

“Yes, well I am skilled in the art of subtlety.” Regina answered primly, smoothing down her robe.

“How did you notice?” Emma asked Henry, her brow wrinkling.

“We’ve been on a schedule since I was a kid. It’s how we do everything.” He said, shrugging.

“I mean it’s probably a good thing.” Emma said when she noticed Regina squirming a little with discomfort. “It makes sure we get to do everything we want to while we’re here.”

Regina smiled, grateful to Emma for not mocking her schedule. It had been a useful tool in calming her anxiety since Henry was born. Trying to move the topic along, she clasped her hands together in front of herself and said, “Yes, now how about breakfast.”

Emma’s stomach growled in response, and they took that as a sign to start their day. Henry ended up giving them a suggestion for where they could spend their day after breakfast. From the look in his eyes, gleaming with barely concealed mischief, he was up to something. Regina had decided to let it play out and see what he was planning. Emma, however, had a fairly good idea of what Henry was doing, and all she could really do was smirk and go along for the ride. After all, it sounded like fun to her too.

So after they ate, they piled into the car, and drove off to their destination for the day.

 


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been another very long hiatus, I'm sorry! I can't promise I'll be able to update much more frequently, as I'm going back to classes tomorrow. But I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for sticking with me.

The drive had been a little ways from their hotel, close to an hour. Henry was navigating from his phone while Emma drove, but refusing to tell them where they were going. Emma had been content to let Henry have his surprise, but she could see Regina was growing anxious with the uncertainty. She had reached over and taken Regina’s hand, feeling compelled to do something to soothe her. Regina had jumped a little, and Emma wasn’t sure if she had made a mistake. But then Regina had given her a shy smile and twined her fingers with Emma's.

Regina’s chest and face felt pleasantly warm at Emma showing her affection, simple as it was. And though she still felt uneasy not knowing what Henry was planning, she felt some of her anxiety relent with Emma’s gentle touch. She looked out the window, watching the trees and beaches fly past as they drove along the stretch of the two lane highway. When she felt Emma’s thumb caressing the back of her hand, she tried so hard to tamp down the grin spreading across her face. But it was in vain, and even though she was a little annoyed with herself for acting like an infatuated foal, she couldn’t really bring herself to care that much about it. For once, she was going to just let herself be content, and try to ignore the niggling fears and doubts in her mind.

As it turned out, Henry did have something mischievous planned, because where they ended up spending their day was in Provincetown. In June. During a pride parade.

When they arrived, Emma had grinned at the plethora of rainbow flags, as well as many other pride flags, and the massive crowd of people. She was instantly aware of what must be happening in town that day, especially when they had to take a ten minute detour around side streets as the main roads were blocked off. Parking was a nightmare as well, and they ended up claiming one of the last few spaces in a tiny lot almost over a mile from the center of town.

They walked towards the crowds of people and they could feel the excitement coming from the masses. Regina smiled, enjoying the vibrant and positive energy surrounding them. She gently touched Emma’s elbow to ask her attention, and when Emma turned to her she said, “Is this what I think it is?”

“A pride parade? It looks like one to me.” Emma responded before calling to Henry who was a few steps ahead of them. When he looked back to her, shit eating grin spread firmly on his face, Emma asked, “Kid, how long have you been planning this?”

He shrugged, and said, “Honestly? Since you told me we’d be coming to Cape Cod. I _was_ hoping a pride parade would hit the both of you over the head with enough gayness to make you realize you had feelings for each other.”

Regina’s eyebrows shot up at that, and Emma spluttered a little. Henry continued with his cheeky grin to say, “But you figured it out on your own. Which honestly is better, because now I don’t have to spend the day giving you heavy handed hints and we can just enjoy the parade.” Henry turned back around to jog a little with excitement toward the denser crowds that they were nearing.

“I suppose I should be relieved. I’ve been suspicious that he’d been up to something for a while now, but it could have been much more embarrassing than this.” Regina said to Emma, taking in everything around them.

“And he’s right,” Emma added, “we can definitely enjoy the parade.” As she spoke, she wound her arm around Regina’s waist and snuggled against her side a little despite the heat of the summer.

Regina felt the increasingly familiar flush of warmth in her system, and reciprocated the touch, taking the opportunity to enjoy being able to do so. Raising her voice a little to be heard over the multitude of people and noises, she asked, “Have you been to one of these before?”

“Yeah, I went to Boston pride a couple of times when I was living there.” Emma said, smiling as she observed the scene around them. “This looks like it’ll be a good one.”

“I’m excited.” Regina said, “I’ve always wanted to go to a pride event. I’ve seen them on TV, read about them before.”

Emma nodded, then added with a laugh, “Never thought to bring a parade to Storybrooke?”

Regina shrugged demurely. “I know I would have been in the perfect position to do so as the mayor. For a long time, even some time after the curse was broken, I was too consumed with my own hate and darkness to plan a celebration of love like this. And all these years later, I suppose I never felt comfortable revealing that side of myself to the townspeople.”

“Oh. Yeah, I get that.” Emma said, but she grew quieter.

Regina squeezed Emma’s hand that was still on her hip, a questioning look on her face as she watched Emma chew her lip as she concentrated on something. Whatever it was, it was only a fleeting moment for Emma, because she turned an easy smile to Regina again in the next moment and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Are you okay, Emma?” Regina said, now sporting her own slightly dopey smile from the kiss, but her concern still shown through. Perhaps she had said too much about her former self. Though it was only a small reference, it still could have served to remind Emma of the things she’d done and who she’d been.

While Regina worried about that, Emma thought about the best way to answer her. She understood very well Regina’s reluctance to share her sexuality with the public. Emma had spent her own time in the closet. She had even receded somewhat into the closet when she moved back to Storybrooke. She’d mentioned her attraction to women a few times here and there to Ruby, and to Snow before she knew she was her mother. She’d rarely discussed it outside of those circles though. She understood a desire for privacy.

But she didn’t want Regina to be ashamed of them. Or herself. She blew out a puff of air and said, “Yeah I’m okay. Hey, that stuff is behind us, right? We can enjoy today and just be happy we’re here together.” Then with a grin that let Regina know something truly corny was about to come out of Emma’s mouth, she said, “We can just be _proud_ of who we are and how far we’ve come.”

Regina rolled her eyes, and she let out a put upon huff of a sigh when Emma tugged her closer and pressed several exuberant kisses to the side of her face. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing, and she knew she was grinning ear to ear when Emma stopped kissing her and instead rested her chin on her shoulder. Normally she wouldn’t be so fond of such public displays of affection, but something about the air around them, the crowd around them, Regina found she didn’t mind much.

She tried to take Emma’s attitude, and leave the past behind them. She wanted to have fun with her family. So, the three of them weaved their way through the mass of people slowly, enjoying the atmosphere and taking in everything there was to see.

They all ended up having a wonderful time. They found plenty of good food and even met some great people. Henry bought a shirt that said “I Love My Moms” and worn it for the entire rest of the event with a smile on his face that was only slightly smug.

The shirt had made Regina’s cheeks heat up a little in embarrassment at having such attention drawn to her, but she couldn’t deny the swell of joy in her heart at Henry loving her so freely and openly. Emma must have appreciated the sentiment as well because she had thrown her arm around Henry and insisted they all squish in together and take a selfie.

By the end of the day they were all exhausted, but content. When they finally made it back to their hotel later that night, everyone was ready to get into their pajamas. Henry excused himself to his room to read and relax, leaving Emma and Regina alone once more.

Regina had just emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a black, silk camisole and matching shorts. Her face was scrubbed clean of make up, and her feet were bare. She felt a blush creeping up her chest as she realized that once again, Emma’s eyes were on her. But unlike the other morning when she had dismissed it, tonight she decided to embrace it.

She flicked her hair over her shoulder, placed one hand on her hip and smirked. Then she looked in Emma’s eyes and she was met with the woman’s bashful but steady gaze. Emma had changed into her own pajamas, and her blonde hair was tied up in a long ponytail. Regina watched as Emma ran her palms up and down the fabric of her cotton sweat pants along her thighs as she swallowed.

Emma bit her lip and looked down at her lap finally able to tear her gaze away from Regina. “Sorry.” She mumbled.

“Why are you sorry, dear?” Regina asked, voice tinged with amusement.

“For staring?” Emma said with a little shrug.

Regina walked across the small room and sat next to Emma. She took her hand and said, “I don’t mind. Especially now that I know I’m not losing my mind.”

Emma turned her head to present Regina with a look of confusion, so Regina continued to explain, “Earlier this week, a couple of times, I could have sworn I caught you checking me out. It was maddening when I still believed that there was no chance you could return any of my affections. I wasn’t sure if I was simply imagining things.”

It was Emma’s turn to blush. She rubbed the back of her neck with the hand Regina didn’t still hold and said, “Yeah. You weren’t imagining anything.”

Regina quirked a brow. She knew now that Emma must have been eyeing her before, but she hadn’t been sure if Emma had even been aware she’d been doing it.

Emma, seeming to read her mind supplied, “Well, I’ve always been attracted to you, Regina. I mean, Christ you’re beautiful.” Regina preened a little under the comment, not bothering to pretend she didn’t know she was an attractive woman. Emma snorted as she seemed to recall something, then said, “God, do you remember how much eye sex we had when I first came to town? How anyone could think I’m not attracted to you, I don’t know. How _I_ ever pretended I wasn’t attracted to you, I‘ll never have any idea either.”

Regina resisted just barely the urge to beam with an arrogant pride at her ego being stroked even more. Instead she asked, “And what, pray tell, is eye sex?”

“You know. Like when people are essentially fucking each other with just a look. Like think back to all the times we got heated and up in each other’s faces. Did you never think about what we’d be like together in those moments? I used to imagine just ripping your clothes off right there.” Emma admitted.

“Really?” Regina purred, feeling heat spike in her body, pooling low in her abdomen. “Well, Emma, I can’t say the thought never crossed my mind either.”

Regina bit down on her lip and raked her eyes up and down Emma’s form. The air between them was becoming heady and Emma’s hand in hers started to take on a certain new significance. Regina let her eyes fall half shut, and her smirk grow a little more teasing as she thought about all the possibilities.

Emma squeezed her hand, and she leaned forward a little so that the space between their lips was smaller. Regina closed her eyes, thinking of all the times she had wanted so badly to be in this position with Emma Swan. She felt Emma sliding her hand to cup Regina’s cheek.

“It’s different now though.” Emma said.

And, well, oh. It was as effective as dumping a bucket of ice water on her head, Regina mused. She pulled her head back and let go of Emma’s hand. “I see.” She whispered.

But Emma didn’t stop there. She reached for Regina’s hand once again and twined their fingers. “It’s better, Regina. I mean if we had done anything back then, it would have been all about lust and screwing each other over as much as it would have been about just screwing each other. This is better, because as much as I still want to rip your clothes off, I also want to love you.”

Regina drew in a sharp breath. And maybe it wasn’t the same thing as hearing that Emma _did_ love her, but it wasn’t nothing either.

“I just, I need time.” Emma continued to say. With a wry chuckle she added, “I know it’s already been six years. But I got so lost. And everything got so twisted and wrong. And now I’m just starting to find out what right looks like, and I’m still not having the easiest time with it. I know it’s probably the least romantic pitch ever, but, can you stay with me, while I find it?”

“Yes.” Regina breathed out on a long sigh, and she thought nothing had ever sounded more romantic in her life. It was for the best anyway that they stop there tonight, Henry was still only just a door away. And Regina fully intended on keeping her promise.

Emma kissed her then. Regina responded enthusiastically, bringing their joined hands to rest over her heart as they continued to kiss, but they kept it mostly innocent. They pulled apart after a while, flushed and smiling at each other tentatively.

“Let’s go out, on a date. Tomorrow night.” Regina said, still breathing the same air as Emma where they stayed close together.

Emma chuckled a little, smile brightening, and she agreed readily.

* * *

 

The hour of their date arrived both surprisingly quickly, yet agonizingly slowly. Regina had wished she had given herself more time to plan, her nerves drawing her to find comfort in details and plans and schedules. But her excitement caused the day to drag.

After Emma had agreed to go out with her the night before, they had shared a few more sweet kisses, then retired to bed. Though Regina had only held Emma through the night once before, she found herself craving the feeling of her in her arms once again that night. She realized Emma was quickly becoming an addiction, and the few kisses and touches they’d shared already were chugging through her veins like a drug.

Still, as she slipped under the sheets of her own bed, and Emma did the same in hers, Regina knew this was the best decision. Emma was still figuring out what she wanted, who she wanted to be, and Regina wanted to give her all the space to do that. Literally and figuratively. Though Emma was choosing Regina now, and for all she hoped that Emma would continue to do so, she knew she was going to have to let this relationship grow at its own pace.

So Regina had snuggled into the covers and pillows of her bed feeling a lot more optimistic than she had in a while. When she’d woken up the next morning to another melody of quacking she had smiled brightly and felt that optimism still burning inside her.

She and Emma had spent their day exchanging shy smiles and gentle, subtle touches. Henry had rolled his eyes at them when looking at their “goofy, googly eyes” as he put it. Both women, still unsure of themselves, had consciously tried to tone it down a little after that.

When they had returned to their hotel in the evening after their afternoon of riding rented bikes down a scenic trail, Henry had asked them if he could go down to the hotel pool. With his permission granted, he grabbed a towel, his swim trunks, and made his way down to the pool.

Emma stood awkwardly in the middle of their shared room, one sneakered foot kicking the carpet occasionally. “So, do you still want to leave at 6:30?”

“Yes, I think that’ll give us enough time to get ready, and enough time to get to the restaurant for our reservations.” Regina answered as she sat down on her bed and began removing her own sneakers from her tired feet. She stretched her toes and flexed her foot a few times trying to work the soreness out of them. It had been a long time since she’d ridden a bike, and they’d done a lot of walking earlier in the day as well.

Emma watched the motions and was suddenly met with a wave of endearment as she did so. She knelt down on the floor by Regina’s bed, just in front of the other woman, and gently grasped Regina’s left foot. She peeled the sock off, Regina watching with curious eyes, and began kneading the sore muscles of Regina’s foot.

“Oh” Regina made the sound without thinking, elongating the ‘o’ as she felt her shoulders sag and release some of the tension she had been carrying. Emma was skillful in her massage, and Regina found herself placing her hands on Emma’s shoulders where she knelt in front of her to brace herself a little. She rolled her own shoulders and tipped her head back, as she let out another satisfied groan.

Emma’s own head was dipped to focus on what she was doing, but she was smirking a little. She had wanted to make Regina feel good, to alleviate some of her soreness. She hadn’t realized Regina would make sounds like that though. Emma knew she gave an amazing foot massage, but now she felt heat rising in her cheeks and pooling low in her stomach as she listened to Regina.

Regina for her part, was lost in the bliss of the foot rub, but not so lost that she couldn’t identify the traces of arousal spiking through her system. She gripped Emma’s shoulders a little tighter as she tried not to shift around too obviously at the throbbing that was starting at the apex of her thighs. She wasn’t sure how long Emma had been rubbing her left foot, but the muscles felt pliant and relaxed when she switched to the right foot and continued the same treatment for that one as well.

Emma was trying her best to concentrate, but her focus was shifting. She still massaged Regina’s foot, but she looked up a little, and pressed her lips to the inside of Regina’s knee. Another kiss, and one more to the other knee, and Regina felt like she was on fire. She cupped Emma’s cheeks and pulled her up a little straighter so that she could kiss her lips.

Emma brought her hands from Regina’s foot to slide up the outsides of her thighs. She leaned into the kiss, and felt the heady sensation of tasting Regina’s tongue. Emma whimpered a little when Regina pulled away, both women breathing hard.

“We have to stop.” Regina said in a husky voice.

Emma, sounding a bit breathless herself, replied, “No fair. You started it.” She turned where Regina was still cupping her cheeks and pressed a delicate kiss to her palm.

Regina chuckled a little, low but light, and said, “ _You_ started it. By touching me so wonderfully.”

“That started out totally innocent. You made it dirty with all those lusty moans.” Emma said with a grin that let Regina know she was being teased.

Regina laughed and didn’t bother to deny it, but she was sure to tell Emma, “Lusty moans is a ridiculous phrase.”

“Whatever. Besides, if you think that was wonderful, wait til I touch you in some other ways.” Emma said as she waggled her eyebrows. But she removed her hands from Regina’s legs, and stood from where she had been kneeling so she could sit on her bed and face Regina. Regina had said stop, and Emma had meant it the other day when she had said she needed more time. But she was finding she couldn’t help her body’s natural response to Regina.

“Hmm,” Regina hummed as she reached across the small gap between their beds and took Emma’s hands, “While I look forward to that, I think you were right yesterday. Also, if we start exploring some other ways right now, we’ll never make dinner. And I want to take you out.”

“Fair point.” Emma conceded, swinging their joined hands a little out to the sides.

Reluctantly, Regina took her hands back and stood. She smoothed down her slightly rumpled athletic shirt, and ran her hand through her hair. “We have to leave in forty five minutes. I need to get ready.”

Regina looked at Emma expectantly, and Emma raised her eyebrows in question. “What? You want me to leave?”

“Yes. I want to look nice for our date, Emma.” Regina said coolly.

“You always look nice.” Emma said, then looked away shyly when she realized what she’d said.

“Thank you,” Regina said softly, feeling her heart beat a little faster at the compliment, “But still.”

“Well I have to get dressed too, do you want me to hide in the bathroom for the next forty five minutes?”

“Don’t be silly. Henry is down at the pool. You can get ready in his room.” Regina said as she started rummaging through her bags to find everything she needed to get ready.

Emma watched her for a moment before deciding she didn’t care that much. She stood, picked up her duffel, pecked Regina on the cheek, and went into Henry’s room. Regina didn’t bother to fight the grin spreading across her lips.

The easy, open affection felt like a balm on Regina’s love weary soul. And the sweet words made it easier to chase away her mother’s voice in her head, telling her that Emma could never love her, though it still came to her. And maybe Emma didn’t love her yet, she hadn’t said the words back to Regina, but Regina was starting to hope Emma could fall in love with her too. She had told Regina that’s what she wanted after all.

Regina slipped into the shower and washed the sweat of the bike ride off of her as quickly as she could. She’d hoped she’d have more time to get ready, but the massage and the kisses had been too intimately delightful for her to regret.

In the adjoining room, Emma had also stepped into the shower stall in Henry’s bathroom. She had tied her long curls up on top of her head in the hopes of keeping them from getting wet. They would never be dry in time for their date otherwise.

As she scrubbed at her skin, she felt like she was sloughing off a few layers of baggage. She would have to make sure to thank Ruby when they returned home to Storybrooke. This trip had been good for her. It gave her a chance to breathe again.

She let her mind wander, and it began to turn to Regina. She felt a little lighter still, thinking of the other woman, particularly in the moment they had just shared. It turned into slight frustration though, as she tried to sort through her brain to figure out how she felt. She knew she cared deeply for Regina. She knew she loved her as her family. She knew she had meant it the other night when she had said that Regina was her favorite person aside from Henry, and again last night when she had said she wanted to love her. So why did she still feel so mixed up and confused?

It made her question, not for the first time, how it took her so long to realize that maybe she and Regina could be something more. Every time she came back to the same answer. It had been six years of hell, sometimes literally; six years of trying to stay alive and save everyone around her. She’d had no time to ponder why Regina had always made her heart pound a little in her ears.

The further down this path of thought that Emma went, the more she realized there had been little signs that she might have seen before Regina confessed her love, had she paid them any mind. She’d already mentioned to Regina the instant attraction she’d felt for her when she’d met her the first time. She had spent a year wrangling in the intensity of it, but she supposed it never truly went away. There were also the prickling spikes of jealousy she’d felt when seeing Regina with Robin Hood. And her constant need to protect Regina. Her desire, both recent and past, to make Regina smile, to make her happy.

Emma leaned back against the shower wall and let the warm water wash over her. She was baffled by how clueless she’d been to her own heart. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She was feeling the itch in her legs again, the itch to run. She cursed at herself, hating this age old instinct of hers.

She decided shutting the now almost hypnotizing shower spray off was the best idea. She stepped out of the shower stall, and grabbed one of the hotel’s fluffy towels. She looked at herself in the mirror and she noticed something. The worry deep crinkle that had seemed to have taken up permanent residence between her eyebrows was gone.

She hadn’t seen her face without it in so long, she had forgotten what it was like without it. She tried to remember the last time she’d seen her face looking so at peace, even with the confusion about her own feelings still churning inside her. She smiled at herself in the mirror, to see what that looked like as well. It felt, almost normal.

Henry’s watch beeped on the counter top of the sink. He must have left it there, not wanting it to get wet in the pool. Emma picked it up and checked the time. 6:04

She set the watch back down and started rushing towards her clothes, and it dawned on her that she wanted very much to go on this date with Regina. She had wanted to when Regina asked her, but after her momentary panic in the shower, she had forgotten that detail. That she wanted this, wanted Regina, even if she knew she needed more time to unravel the knots in her thoughts. She just hoped Regina would continue to show her patience.

Chewing her lip a little, she picked her duffel bag up to find something to wear. She hadn’t packed much that would be fitting for a date, but she was confident she could come up with something. She pulled one of her favorite dresses from the bag and smiled. It would be perfect.

Twenty minutes later, she had slipped into her dress, and was putting the finishing touches on her make up. She had opted for a subtle, yet slightly shimmery, gold color eye shadow, a touch of mascara, and a light strawberry colored lip balm.

Her hair she let fall in gentle, natural curls, and her dress fit comfortably snug. It was a lightweight cotton material. The top had a high neck, no sleeves, and black fabric covered her chest and shoulders. Just a little under her breasts the fabric became a deep, emerald green. The skirt of it was tight to her hips and landed about midway down her thighs.

She’d snuck into a pharmacy earlier that day and bought a pair of opaque black tights to throw under the dress. She was grateful she’d thought to pack the dress at all, having been unsure if Regina would want to go anywhere nice for dinner. She laughed at herself as she realized she couldn’t have predicted Regina would have wanted that dinner to be a date.

She stepped out of the bathroom after giving herself a final once over. As she was sitting on the edge of Henry’s bed, pulling her black suede, heeled ankle boots on, the lock outside the room beeped, and seconds after the door handle turned open. Henry stepped into the room, his hair still wet from the pool, and a towel draped around his shoulders.

He startled a little bit at seeing Emma in his room, but a smile overtook him soon after.

“Hey Ma, you look really pretty.” He said and he plopped down in one of the chairs facing his bed.

“You’re such a sweet kid, Henry. How you came from me I’ll never know.” Emma gave him a look of pure affection, and Henry squirmed under it for just a second. He shrugged, but his smile only grew, and he grabbed his towel and used it to dry his hair some more.

Feeling insecurity overtake her again, the question was past Emma’s lips before she could stop it. “Do you think I can do this, Henry?”

Henry looked back at her, his smile still easy, and he said, “What, a date with Mom? Of course you can. She loves you, like so much. You could probably show up in a lobster costume and she’d still have a great time. Besides, you love her too.”

Emma’s eyes went wide, but she didn’t bother to correct him. She wasn’t sure if she honestly could, but there was no point in bringing him into the whirling confusion in her mind. Instead she said, “It’s that easy, is it?”

Henry shrugged at her again, and said, “It is if you let it be.”

Emma smiled at her baby boy, so grown up but still so young. She knew it wouldn’t be right to tell Henry she wasn’t just questioning her ability to go on a date with Regina, he didn’t need her doubts dumped on his shoulders.

She stood from the bed, and placed a kiss on his head. She laughed as he wiped strawberry lip balm off his forehead immediately after.

“You can call room service for dinner, okay, kid? It’ll just go on our tab for the room so don’t worry about it. Feel free to get yourself some dessert too, okay?”

“Thanks, Ma.” Henry said and he dropped himself butt first on his bed and picked up the TV remote.

Planning on grabbing her brown leather jacket in case it got a little chilly after the sun went down, Emma decided she was ready. And it was already one minute past 6:30.

She took a deep breath, and knocked on the door between her and Regina.


End file.
